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On questions I have asked my boyfriend

We all know that communicating about sex is vital. Whether it’s sending a hot email with your filthy plans for the evening, or asking your partner just how hard they want to be spanked, sex cannot possibly be fun unless you know which bits the other person likes.

And yet for some reason people laugh when I ask the burning questions.

Are you sad that you can’t fit your whole fist in me?

Is it nice if I keep sucking for a bit after you’ve come?

Do the ‘blow-job-imitating cock sheaths actually feel like a blow job?

For some reason I am known as one who irritates – even pesters – gentlemen I fuck about the deep details of their opinions on anything to do with sex.

What’s the best porn you’ve ever seen?

Have you ever warmed up a melon and then fucked it?

Or their bodies…

When you hold your dick to stop yourself pissing, does the semi mean you stop needing to go, or just that you can’t go?

Do you like the taste of your own spunk?

Can you tell the difference between this [wanks off with right hand] and this [wanks off with left hand]?

The truth is that, while a lot of these questions are there because I’m just tingling with curiosity…

Is it more fun to jizz loads in volume, or to jizz with force and power?

What’s better: coming inside me or coming on my tits?

Many of them are there because the very act of him answering turns me on. Watching his eyes glaze over as he considers the implications – the details – of each question I ask makes my blood run hot and my mind run into overdrive.

If I rub my cunt on your feet while I’m sucking you, does that put you off your own orgasm?

When we first got together, did you used to wank about me?

Do you still wank about me?

As I ask about it, I like to think about him doing it. And I know that while he may not share my fantasies, he’s more than happy to play along with them for a few minutes – to give me that delicious sense of sexual hope that comes from his temporary uncertainty about the answer.

Would you suck another dude off and let me watch?

Do you prefer to come on my tits or my arse?

What’s the most wanks you have ever had in a day?

And I know it can sometimes be trying…

No, but hypothetically, if you were going to suck another dude off and let me watch, which dude would you pick?

Or clumsy…

If you could get a hand job from anyone, would you rather someone with huge hands so they could envelop your cock, or tiny hands to make your cock look massive?

Or downright bizarre…

If we were having sex, and I turned into a zombie halfway through, would you keep going?

But I love asking questions – I love it. I love that despite the oddness of my pillow-talk investigations, he takes this shit seriously. No matter what I ask. Whether it’s weird hypotheticals…

Any kind of sex you want with just one person, or only blow jobs forever but from as many people as you like?

Would you rather never wank again but get shagged once a month, or never shag again but can wank as often as you like?

If I transported you back in time, blindfolded, to different sexual encounters, could you tell who you were fucking just based on the shape and feel of their cunt round your dick?

Ridiculous scenarios…

If you saw me in an Amsterdam window, how much would you pay for a shag?

What’s five Euros in British money?

Tittilating possibilities…

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever shoved up your arse?

Which of these x-rated Tumblr gifs is your favourite?

Tentative suggestions…

Your opinion on spunk bubbles?

Could you come just from me doing… this? [does ‘this’]

Or genuine concerns…

Do I taste different at different times of the month?

Have you ever woken up when I’ve been wanking next to you in bed?

I love the questions – I love the chat. From the sublime, through the terrifying, to the so-ridiculous-he-can-barely-give-an-answer. Because it’s not the questions themselves that matter – it’s the fact that I’m asking them. That I’m saying “hey, I’m really interested in this. I’m interested in you. Now please tell me everything you can about your penis.”

I know it gets irritating sometimes, and when it’s late at night and we’re lying in bed, and I have his dick in my hand, often the last thing he wants to do is engage in a surreal sexual game show.

Pizza or buttsex? Blowjobs or throatfucks? Nancy Botwin or Danaerys Targaryen?

But he answers. Because he knows that the best way to give me a window into his desires is to give me the rapid-fire answers to sexual questions. If you asked me what I like sexually I could write two thousand words that passably reflect what goes on in my head: the thrusting, aching, wet desire that covers all the things I truly love. He, on the other hand, would sit in front of a blank page for half an hour and eventually scrawl “tits” before throwing it into the bin. But neither of us would come close to really nailing the nuanced and subtle things that push us into arousal.

He answers my questions because the answers paint the picture that neither of us can fully do with words. Because alongside zombies, time-travel, spunk-force and Amsterdam windows, what I’m actually asking is:

What do you like?

And that’s my favourite question of all.

 

Note: All of these are genuine questions I have asked my boyfriend at one point or another. He helped me write the list for this blog post, and there were about a hundred more that didn’t make the final cut. If you have any questions you’d ask your partner, chuck them in the comments and let’s see if we can get different people answering them!

46 Comments

  • Charlie says:

    I ask these questions and more. Given we’ve been together 12 years, you’d think I’d know *everything* by now. And yet…

    I do the comparative thing, to see what he likes best – I’ll see something suggested or hinted at in a book or magazine or something and absolutely have to try it. So blow jobs with something warm or cold was one I remember doing a while back. Hmm. Might revisit that one.

    And ‘if I shift position like this…. is it better or worse or just different..?’ ‘And this?’ etc etc.

    We can be randomly watching a programme and I’ll ask ‘Would you sleep with XXXXXX?’ Or ‘Would you wear stockings for me if I asked?’ or ‘If XXXXX and I were to sleep together and come to you for a threesome, would you?’

    I think the truth is…. I’m insatiably nosey and want to know him inside out. And as we grow older we change and stuff that floated our boat, doesn’t work the same way. We’re finding new kinks, new ways to turn each other on.

    Long may it continue.

    • Girl on the net says:

      “Would you wear stockings for me if I asked?”

      YES THIS. I agree with pretty much everything in your comment, and now I have to go ask the boy if he’ll put on some stockings. I think the curiosity is good for keeping things interesting. There are things I’d never realised I thought were hot until I posed them in a question and watched him consider with a ‘hmm, possibly’ face, and then I realised that I really really wanted this thing to happen.

  • Russ says:

    I once was asking a girlfriend “does that feel good, what about this, is faster better, what about slower” etc and she huffily replied “Are you doing an experiment on me?”

    Well, yes, I am. Is that a bad thing?

    • Girl on the net says:

      I would like that. Maybe not every time, but getting a baseline of pleasure is surely no bad thing.

  • Tony says:

    I so wish I had met a girl like you. I have never in my life been with anyone who came near my interest in and taste for sex.

  • Y’know, I think this post says more about you than anything else I have ever seen you write. This is the window right into your fucking soul.

    I remember being with girls who were as curious as you. Girls who asked questions just like yours. Fuck, even some of the exact same ones. And I remember being the one doing the asking, too. But those times, for me, were in the early days. Either the early days of actually being a sexually active person, or in the early days of a new relationship.

    I think it’s a loss of innocence versus wide-eyed wonder thing. I think you have kept your sense of awe and wonder about sex. All sex. And I think that defines you. I think it is what makes you such a fucking good sex blogger.

    Erm … I didn’t have a point to make here. Just, erm … keep it up, I guess. You’re ace. And I think this post demonstrates and explains why.

    • Girl on the net says:

      I don’t know what to say – I am too busy blushing =)

      (force or volume, thouhg? I mean, jizz-wise?)

      • Force. Definitely.

        Unless I’m at the point of playing exhibitionist … finishing myself off for her to watch, intending to come on her chest, or over her crotch …then volume is kind of hot. But it doesn’t feel the same to *me*.

        (I actually answered that, didn’t I? Holy shit.)

        • Girl on the net says:

          Yes! This is excellent information. I mainly ask the question because I figure if I were a guy then it would be the force I’d be after. Obviously the ideal is both, but if I had to pick, I would like to come so hard I can knock a Coke can off a garden wall at twenty paces.

          • nerdy_man says:

            Force. As far as possible. Preferably deep inside a cunt.

            Mmm, loved how it felt typing that…

          • André says:

            Oh, force, definitely. When the moment is delayed for just the right amount of time (depending on the build-up, I find about ten seconds of white-out and whole-body shuddering is about right), and best when accompanied by a neighbour-bothering howl.

            Ideally the first few jets will bounce a little off whatever they hit first. That’s a good sign.

  • Arnie says:

    It *is* an awesome question. One I don’t get asked very often. And yet the last time I was asked, my mind went quite blank.

    Stupid head.

  • Wonderfully entertaining reading!!! Just reading through and asking each other the same questions . . . LOL!!!
    Have to rush off and answer some of them!!!
    Xxx – K

  • seaside slut says:

    You’re so cute. I ask questions like these too, I’m interested in a guy’s perspective, particularly into things I can never truly know the answer to from my own.

    I’m really interested in hearing his answers too now.

  • Valery North says:

    My last partner was like this, it was a great experience having someone being genuinely and intellectually interested in my body and mind in that way, all while actually doing stuff. definitely makes sex and BDSM better.

    I think part of the reason I like it so much is that I’m often asking myself the same questions, but several of them really require a second person to provide a practical result so having that person also want to know more is very helpful.

    Incidentally, if any partner turned into a zombie halfway through fucking, I would do the only rational thing: grab a weapon and destroy the brain, making sure not to ingest, or otherwise expose myself to, the zombie infection.

  • IIB says:

    I have to agree with you about questions being hot (except possibly the zombie one – is sex with a zombie necrophilia? ) and they are a great way of getting into a partner’s head to an extent you can’t get to by normal conversation.

    Whilst those 101 question things about what sex things you’ve done can be weird, they do offer a window to see if there are shared weirdnesses that you could explore in future – would never have done some of the things I’ve tried without random questions during or just after sex!

  • fpr says:

    I think you need to ask those questions. I want to give the girl I’m with the best time I can so I need to know what feels the best of what gets them off the hardest. And I want to know how their body works for the same reason.
    Even if it’s weird stuff or embarassing I still want to know and I also think you should answer them and not be shy about it because you reveal stuff to the person you want to be with.

    And yes I would keep fucking you if you turned into a zombie as long as you don’t try to kill me before i cum

  • Andie says:

    But what about the answers!? Don’t leave us hanging like that. :P

    • Girl on the net says:

      Haha – I did actually ask him if he’d be up for doing a ‘guest blog’ type thing on his answers. To which his response was: ‘write your own blog you lazy twat’, or something similar =)

  • stevieawiungr says:

    What are spunk bubbles? Are they a naturally occurring phenomena?

    • Elly says:

      I’m guessing its when someone has a mouthful of come, a they blow bubbles with it like gum. I could be wrong though.

      • Girl on the net says:

        Yep – that’s it!

        • stevieawiungr says:

          I didn’t even know you could do that with cum!

        • Benjamin Dover says:

          fun with a tie –

          take one of Your softest, silkiest ties, tie it for her to wear as in the video clip

          after Your or Her or both Your first orgasms

          have Her stand and take it off her

          slip it between Her Sweet Little Pink Lips and use it like You’re drying Her with a towel after a bath, caressing Her and teasing Her Clit – maybe until She cummms to You again – or until Her Legs weaken – then throw Her on the bed and use it to tie Her arms above Her head so She can’t touch You and can only concentrate on Her Pleasure from whatever cummms next …

  • Elly says:

    I ask questions all the time. I want him to experience mind blowing holy-shit sex as often as possible, so any information I can get is brilliant, even down to the “I don’t know why, but I have a thing for your left tit” kind of thing. We’ve both been in positions where we had desires and ideas, but haven’t been with a partner who was open to anything other than vanilla sex (which is fine of course, just not for us), and reacted badly when a question was even asked. So its bucket loads of fun to ask questions, knowing ANY question will be taken seriously.

    And yes, he would wear stockings for me ;)

  • Azkyroth says:

    On a similar note, I just typo’d your URL as “girlontheent.com” Which makes me wonder: if ents were real, would you have sex with one? O.o

  • I.L. says:

    Ghaaaah… must… answer… questions!

    Are you sad that you can’t fit your whole fist in me?
    No, if I can shove my whole fist in you then you’d be a bit too loose for my tastes.

    Is it nice if I keep sucking for a bit after you’ve come?
    My cock is super-sensitive just after I’ve come so this feels amazing.

    Do the ‘blow-job-imitating cock sheaths actually feel like a blow job?
    I don’t know, almost all cock sheaths (or Fleshlights, anyway) are too tight for my dick.

    What’s the best porn you’ve ever seen?
    I like playing porno video games much more than watching passive porn since control is much hotter than merely watching things play out. Bonetown is probably my favorite porno game. It’s so liberated. You can do seven types of drugs, fuck any body type of girl (they do put a progression system from “fat” to “skinny” but it is a video game and it does need a sense of progression.) It’s offensive to literally everyone, every race, every gender, every belief, and it is beautiful. Bonetown is the only game where you can climb a mountain, find Moses the “Original Gangster,” beat him into unconsciousness with The Ten Commandments, steal his magical bong, assume his form, go down the mountain, ask a stranger girl on the street for anal, and fuck her ass until she can’t resist fingering her naughty cunt while coming like a freight train, twice.

    Have you ever warmed up a melon and then fucked it?
    No, I really ought to try it one of these days.

    When you hold your dick to stop yourself pissing, does the semi mean you stop needing to go, or just that you can’t go?
    Eh? I stop pissing when I run out of piss; I don’t need to hold my dick for that. When dicks get hard they can’t piss because dicks actually have two little holes inside the big obvious hole and when we get hard we switch to the sperm hole.

    Do you like the taste of your own spunk?
    This depends a bit on what I eat but generally, yes. Veggies tend to make it sweeter and greasy foods makes it a little bitter.

    Can you tell the difference between this [wanks off with right hand] and this [wanks off with left hand]?
    Yep, my dick has a huge, sensitive vein on one side so it makes a bit of a difference.

    Is it more fun to jizz loads in volume, or to jizz with force and power?
    Force & power, because that stimulates the nerves most intensely and it’s always fun when I accidentally give myself a facial.

    What’s better: coming inside me or coming on my tits?
    Coming inside you because that way there’s more delicious pressure on my spunk tube as semen flows through it.

    If I rub my cunt on your feet while I’m sucking you, does that put you off your own orgasm?
    I’ve never had this experience but it does make me think that you might want a cock in your cunt so that would probably give me pause.

    When we first got together, did you used to wank about me?
    Yes, all the time.

    Do you still wank about me?
    See above, unless we’ve broken up.

    Would you suck another dude off and let me watch?
    Stop taunting me, GOTN, we can’t all be lucky enough to be bisexual like you.

    Do you prefer to come on my tits or my arse?
    Tits, otherwise you won’t be able to see and I may as well have spat on your ass (some dudes will do this to fake orgasms.)

    What’s the most wanks you have ever had in a day?
    7, and that’s a hard record. I tore my frenulum trying to break it once.

    No, but hypothetically, if you were going to suck another dude off and let me watch, which dude would you pick?
    The Pope.

    If you could get a hand job from anyone, would you rather someone with huge hands so they could envelop your cock, or tiny hands to make your cock look massive?
    Huge hands because so far even I can’t envelop my girthy cock with my hand. I can just barely touch my index finger to my thumb when I wrap my hand around my hard cock.

    If we were having sex, and I turned into a zombie halfway through, would you keep going?
    If I did, it’d probably end up like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fd__Lo7Gunw

    Any kind of sex you want with just one person, or only blow jobs forever but from as many people as you like?
    One person’s mouth, cunt, and ass are much more different from each other than the mouths of different people are different from each other. So, I’d go with the former.

    Would you rather never wank again but get shagged once a month, or never shag again but can wank as often as you like?
    The latter, because after 3 days without cumming I get so horny that I’ll just start compulsively dry humping everything in sight when no one’s looking.

    If I transported you back in time, blindfolded, to different sexual encounters, could you tell who you were fucking just based on the shape and feel of their cunt round your dick?
    Eh, honestly I haven’t fucked enough people to give a good answer for this one.

    If you saw me in an Amsterdam window, how much would you pay for a shag?
    I believe in post-coital performance based pay. So, the question is are you a prostitute or a PROstitute?

    What’s five Euros in British money?
    4.04836 Pounds

    What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever shoved up your arse?
    Just a finger, I’ve been neglecting it :P

    Which of these x-rated Tumblr gifs is your favourite?
    The one with the fucking.

    Your opinion on spunk bubbles?
    If you’re blowing them intentionally then you get a high five.

    Could you come just from me doing… this? [does ‘this’]
    Generally, yes.

    Do I taste different at different times of the month?
    I don’t have enough data to answer this to my satisfaction but I would assume that your taste differs more from changes in your diet. As long as I don’t swallow any fleshy chunks I’m good.

    Have you ever woken up when I’ve been wanking next to you in bed?
    The girls I know don’t do this. OR DO THEY? DUN-DUN-DUN!

    Pizza or buttsex? Blowjobs or throatfucks? Nancy Botwin or Danaerys Targaryen?
    Pizza, butts are generally too tight for me. Blowjobs, I’m too worried about suffocating girls. I don’t watch TV.

    What do you like?
    I like it when you wear a tight shirt with a pillow under it so I can pretend that you’re heavily pregnant while I fuck you. Actual pregnancy is too much of a hassle to be worth it.

  • Beth-Anne says:

    I like asking my partner weird questions aswell and this made me think of the two weirdest ive ever asked him. Bare in mind these werent nessicerily for sexual reasons.. more curiosity..

    The first was: Does your penis float in the bath?
    And the second was: Is it hard to pee when you have an errection?

    He never actually gave me answers to these as he was a bit weirded out I think.. :P x

    • Girl on the net says:

      Hehe, those are great questions! I think for most guys the answer to the second is ‘yes’ but I’m not sure on the first. I think yes? Can any guys help out?

    • Chris says:

      The answers are “no,” and “not really,” but it is trickier to point it toward the toilet when it’s erect.

  • Becky says:

    Ooooh I love this! It’s so true, as you say I just wanna know everything about them!

    I’m currently in a relationship with a guy who seems a bit shy in the bedroom department. I reckon he has a huge wealth of sexual prowess but has hidden it behind a fecade of gentlemanlyness for too long. I’m almost nervous to ask him things like this – I dont want him to feel uncomfortable – but then again I know once I’d started to unlock the inner Christian Grey they’d be no stopping it… win win, a mon avis. Hehe. x

  • Thomas says:

    My sexual twin. Yes I would suck one and let you watch

  • Adam says:

    Just found this blog and is a great read.. Shared this and the xbox blowjob posts with gf so far…
    Oh and cock doesn’t really float but it does tend to lay back against belly than still sit between legs

  • Chris says:

    I tend to ask lots of sex questions of women, because I’m genuinely curious. Some like talking this way, and some just want to be quiet and private about their parts, likes, preferences, and wha-ifs. I tend to get along better with the former than the latter. The oddest question that a girlfriend ever asked me, and she wasn’t being mean at all, just curious, was this: “What does It feel like to have a puny pecker?” She meant emotionally, not physical sensation. We had a good talk about it, and she asked lots of follow-up questions.

  • Charlie says:

    OMG! Dananerys Targaryen PLEASE!!

  • North Country Shy Boy says:

    Fantastic blog!
    Made me laugh and made me horny all at the same time, which can only be a good thing.
    Thought provoking questions 😊

  • Bruce says:

    Fascinating ! I have never been with a woman I would so much like to BE with, as distinct from in or on. I have at least as many questions for you as you have raised for ‘guys’.

  • Bodhi says:

    I LOVE these questions! You should send out questionnaires.

  • Pat says:

    Clearly there needs to be a question of the day feature where the nation can answer

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