I’m rarely guilty of lying – at least intentionally. While I probably fuck up a fair few of my stories, and invent dialogue where I forgot the actual words, I lack the imagination to tell a properly whopping lie. But I am definitely guilty of editing stories depending on the audience – usually when I’m talking about watching porn with a partner.

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Hands are beautiful. To my mind they can be one of the sexiest things about a person. The way they gesture to highlight playful flirtation, the skilled things they do like driving or playing Xbox. The ways you can use them to touch and pinch and smack and stroke… Mmm.

Alongside the sexiness of hands, I’m a big fan of the way in which things like watches can draw attention to sexy movements (like wearing a watch while wanking, for instance). So when Monica got in touch to explain how rings accentuate the hotness of hands, naturally I could not resist the opportunity to share in her deliciously hot thoughts about them…

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I was so down on Friday I couldn’t bring myself to post a guest blog. Sorry about that. It’s an absolute corker, too – super-sexy, as I’m pretty sure you’ll agree when I put it live tomorrow. I just didn’t want it getting lost in all the rage and sadness about Brexit. Anyway. I have a themed ‘two things’ for you this week – both of them relating to the Women’s Equality Party, and both of them bad, I’m afraid. Let’s get angry.

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“It’s hot when two girls get off, but it doesn’t work the other way round.”

“Excuse me?”

“You know. Like women watching a guy play with another guy’s dick. It doesn’t have the same effect.” 

I’ve had this conversation too many times. Far too many times. There’s a longer blog to post another day about the fact that straight-guy sexuality is so tightly woven into our culture that often dudes struggle to get their heads round the fact that, you know, they can be objects of lust just as easily as they’re subjects. But I’ll bore you about that another day.

For now, in response to the person who said this to me, allow me to describe an interaction so hot it makes my toes clench, even just remembering it.

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When it comes to making broad, ridiculous generalisations about relationships, you can’t beat a good bit of clickbait. Recently I gave some brilliant advice on things men do in bed that women hate, and I imagine since then that all men have stopped doing these things and everyone in a straight relationship has breathed a sigh of relief. So because I’m a fan of equality here’s the opposite: 10 things women do in bed that men hate.

Naturally all men have identical sexual tastes, which I have discerned via magic, so the best way for you to cater to your partner’s sexual tastes is to take advice from me, even though you have never met me and cannot be entirely sure I’m not making the whole thing up. Still, you can tell that my advice is sound because I have numbered my tips from 1-10, and that is how facts work. (more…)