Category Archives: Ranty ones

Stealth (part 2): Why am I telling this story?

CN: stealthing/rape, brief mention of domestic violence.

[Part 1 of this post is here]

On my way from his place to the tube, I stick my headphones in and whack on some loud, jaunty tunes. Force of habit. There’s an upbeat soundtrack playing to the blood thumping in my ears. Walking to the station after getting stealthed I remember thinking that I should probably be crying. I should be sad. I should be feeling used and hurt and frightened and small. But I’m not, not right now. I’ll definitely feel all those things in the coming days, but right now if I have to label it the thing I am feeling is ‘rage.’ I’m not ‘sad’, I am incensed. I have a lot of thoughts about what happened, but the one that’s clearest in my mind is that I will tell this story.


Stealth (part 1): The only story I want to tell right now

CN: rape

I wanted to sit down this morning and write something horny about the hot guy I shagged the other day. And I will, I promise. But unfortunately, around the same time I shagged that hot guy, I got raped. And while this delicious brand of calm, white-hot rage still flows through my veins, that’s the only story I’m interested in telling.


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Things I would like to never hear again

In the light of the documentary/article/revelations about [INSERT NAME OF LATEST PREDATORY MAN], I have made note of a few phrases that I’d love to never hear again in the context of rape and sexual assault.

CN: rape, sexual assault, futility of reporting sex crimes in the UK


This is not helpful, it’s control

I haven’t felt this brand of rage in a while, so I thought I’d have a go at capturing it while it still flows fresh through my veins. Basically, at the heart of it, I am angry with a man because he wanted to be helpful. He wanted to be helpful so much that he ignored me saying ‘no, please do not be helpful.’ Inevitably, no matter how angry I am at him, I am even more angry with myself. Here’s the thing…


Audio porn is not more ethical than video

I get asked a lot by journalists what makes audio porn more ethical than video, and every time I’m asked, my answer is the same: it’s not. Is an Mp3 more ethical than an Mp4? It’s a nonsense idea – like arguing that podcasts are more ethical than TV. Audio is merely a different medium by which you convey and enjoy porn, and although it may require a different focus when you’re considering how to do it ethically, the medium itself doesn’t negate the need for an ethical framework. Believing that audio is just naturally ‘ethical’ and good while video porn is ‘unethical’ and bad (and harmful to women!) is likely to lead to complacency on the part of those who produce it, not to mention a harmful and regressive increase in sex work stigma directed at our colleagues in video. Let’s break this down.