The UK Government has announced its roadmap out of lockdown, and although the government has been as bad at acknowledging sex as it has been good at handing expensive contracts to its incompetent mates, I’m here to help with a brief guide to what the lockdown roadmap means for slags.
There’s a question on OKCupid along the lines of ‘how do you prefer to sleep with a partner?’ – to check whether you like sleeping in your own space in the bed, or entwined with the other person like a pair of humping snakes. I am very much of the opinion that sleep is sacred, and if you try to hug me when it’s bedtime I am liable to genuinely cry. I’m not saying ‘don’t touch me in bed’, because sometimes we’re gonna want to fuck. But if sleep is top of the agenda, I cannot stress this enough: get off me.
It’s hard to adequately convey how massive a move it is for Pornhub to remove all unverified uploads from its platform. The site – like many ‘free’ tube sites like YouPorn and Xhamster – has relied on unverified user uploads for so long that to suddenly remove them is a massive step. What does it mean? Should you be worried? And are there legitimate criticisms of the way this has happened?
So you’re having a baby, are you? You fancy finding out the sex of your child before it is born in a hilarious and entertaining way, at a party with all your friends and family? Hooray! Welcome! This post is for you. Here’s why we need to stop gender reveal parties, and you can help achieve this glorious mission!
The problem with suddenly becoming single is that it throws up a bunch of dating problems that I very much hoped I would never have to deal with. I appreciate that absolutely none of these are serious – they are all things I’ll happily overcome, about which my whining is intended to be no more than a brief and amusing distraction as you trip down whichever path your Wednesday happens to be taking. My current mantra, as life gets harder, is ‘I like doing difficult things.’ Doing difficult things is incredibly empowering, and having the freedom to do those things excites me. Nevertheless, as I start to explore the ways I will throw myself into the exciting hard stuff, I can’t help but bump up against dating problems that I genuinely do not want to tackle. Here is a brief (and likely non-exhaustive list) of things I can’t be arsed with.