How many different butt plugs does the average person need? My gut instinct would be to say two or three – so you have a bit of variety on size and material if you want it, but you’re not struggling for butt plug storage space. But then, as I was auditing my sex toy collection in preparation for writing a wish list, I realised that I have far more than three, and I still haven’t got all the different butt plugs I really want. My most used sex toy is the Doxy, and I’d cite floggers as my favourite thing to collect, but I have at least 5 different kinds of butt plug, and I still want more to complete my ideal set. They come in so many different varieties that I can illustrate exactly why I want so many. So although I suck at actually reviewing sex toys, I can definitely take you on a journey of all the different butt plugs I want. Ready? Let’s go.
Wanking while you’re in a relationship: do you do it? Probably. Do you talk about it? Maybe not. There’s an unusual squeamishness about discussing masturbation when you’re going out with someone, most likely based on a hefty dollop of sex shame combined with a misconception about the purpose of wanking itself. Although there are lots of reasons to masturbate, some people still see it as an outlet for sexual frustration. The theory goes that wanking is a substitute for a partner, so if you have a partner there’s no longer any ‘need’ to do it. These people often – though not always – make their partner feel guilty for wanking. In turn, people like me make them feel guilty for doing that, and the cycle of guilt continues until we all have a really big fight.
Have you ever been in the middle of something super hot only to have the person who was enthusiastically moaning two minutes earlier suddenly let out a snore? Congratulations, you’re definitely not alone. Between 40-50% of people I surveyed have fallen asleep during sex.
Right now, in this actual universe, there exists a robot that writes porn. That is a real thing, not just a dream I had. There’ll be more to this blogpost than that simple fact, but I wanted to put it first because it pleases every single aspect of my nerdy, sex-curious, erotica-loving brain. Last weekend, Goldsmiths University hosted a sex tech hack: they got a group of clever, imaginative people together and gave them a bunch of sex toy hardware to play with, then asked them to create things around the themes of intimacy, companionship and sexuality. One of the many incredible things that came out of this was a robot that writes porn.
I’ve never been a particular proponent of the idea that you have to come to enjoy sex, and if I’m truly honest I’d say the thing which matters most to me is that my partner comes. Which might seem horrifyingly subservient, until you realise that desire comes not from an old-fashioned desire to ‘satisfy’ him but because – not to put too fine a point on it – I like how it feels when he empties his balls into me.