Be my guest: sharing her with you

I very rarely write erotic fiction, and it’s even rarer for me to write from a ‘straight cis dude’ headspace, because I don’t think I’m very good at it. But I want to have a go, for reasons that I’ll explain a bit in Wednesday’s blog, and also because I like it when I can hire guys to read my stuff as audio – it’s cool to hear my work brought to life by someone other than me. So. Here’s a guy introducing you to his slutty girlfriend and sharing her with you. No prizes for guessing whether I want to be that girl (I really do).

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Atom Plus Lux: All it needed was a remote

I’ve often said you can tell how good a sex toy is by how much effort you’re willing to go to in order to use it. If you’ve got a new vibrator but you left it drying by the sink in the bathroom, and couldn’t be arsed to go and get it before settling into a bedroom wank, chances are that isn’t destined to be your number one sex toy. Conversely, if you are willing to spend fully twenty three minutes trying to turn on a half-broken Zumio (as I did this one time), you know that toy is the star around which your best wanks orbit. By this rule, the Hot Octopuss Atom Plus was always going to be a firm favourite, because wrestling it onto a dick and then turning it on took a bit more time than your average cock ring, as did adjusting the settings once it was in place. The buttons were on the side of the cock ring, and you couldn’t easily press them while you were in the middle of banging. Despite the slight faff, my ex and I played with this toy A LOT – each and every fuck with it was a shining and filthy success. Time spent on fiddling with buttons was time very well spent. Luckily, spending so much time with someone’s dick outside of you so you can mess around with the intensity buttons is no longer necessary: Hot Octopuss have just relaunched the Atom Plus cock ring as the Atom Plus Lux, WITH A REMOTE.

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Things that aren’t horny but totally feel horny

Sometimes I wonder if I’m horny or if life just deals out a bunch of sensations that kind of feel horny even though they’re not technically stimulating the sexy bits. In no particular order (and with an invitation to add your own in the comments), here are some things that aren’t horny but feel horny. You’ll get what I mean.

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Erotic writers: turn your work into audio porn

Do you have a website where you post erotic stories? Would you like to turn some of those stories into audio porn? I’d love to hear from you! Erotic writers, sex bloggers, anyone who writes smut on their own website. I’ll pay a license fee to adapt your work into audio porn, and give you a widget to embed those stories on your own website, which makes your erotica more accessible to people who use screenreaders and also gives your site some extra sexy content. Interested? Read on…

This post originally went up during last round of commissioning, but I’m republishing September 2021 ready for the next round – some details have slightly changed so please do read carefully before submitting! 

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I don’t pack what I cannot carry alone / Big Strong Girl

When I move in, it takes a couple of days before I can get my bearings. Before I can survey my domain and think ‘fuck yeah. I am queen of this.’ When I move in, it takes a couple of days before my heart stops racing like it’s trying to escape from my chest. Before I stop thinking ‘shit. What the fuck have I done.’

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  • About Girl on the Net

    Girl on the Net is a London-based sex blogger – she writes explicit sex stories, so please consider this whole site NSFW. Alongside real-life sex stories, expect posts about feminism, porn, mental health, and fascinating fetishes. Now one of the biggest sex blogs in the UK, Girl on the Net began sex blogging in September 2011, so feel free to dig through the archive and find out just how ignorant and/or clumsy she was when she first began. If you're an aspiring sex blogger, check out these tips on how to start a sex blog.