How appropriate that this guest blog is due to go live this week, when the UK has been having a sweltering heatwave. I’m editing this on Tuesday but praying that by the time it goes live on Friday we’ll have had a huge thunderstorm or two to clear the muggy air. Something about the weather makes me horny – from sweaty fucking to fantasies about getting whipped on the back of my thighs with ice pops, heat is horny. And now, courtesy of this week’s guest blogger Theodore Bentley, fucking in a thunderstorm becomes sexy too…
This week’s Quote Quest is a quote from Hunter S Thompson, and I’m choosing to join in with it because I have never heard the quote before, and when I saw it I immediately hated it with a passion as hot as the sun. Here’s the quote: “Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.” I know the fabulous Little Switch Bitch, who runs the Quote Quest meme, picks quotes to spark interesting debate and discussion, so I’m gonna crack my knuckles and get stuck in.
It’s hard to conceptualise cock worship as a kink in and of itself, because I already love your cock. The idea of specifically setting down to ‘worship’ it feels as odd to me as collective prayer might feel to a person whose spirituality resonates in everything they do. Worship your cock? What, specifically and deliberately? I already live in a state of low-level cock worship even when it isn’t in my mouth.
Katherine Ryan tells a fabulous story, in her stand-up show Glitter Room, about the time her ex-boyfriend moved to Japan. He had to go for work, and she didn’t want to move with him, so they split up. Shortly after he arrived in the country, he rang her to express shock that she had stayed where she was, and hadn’t followed him halfway around the world. He tells her: “I thought you needed me more than that.” Katherine replies: “Oh sweetie, I didn’t need you – I liked you. I enjoy having you around, but you are a luxury item.” I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I think I understand a bit more where I fall on the idea of ‘needing’ men (or ‘a man’). Friendships are one thing, but when it comes to sexual and romantic relationships, men are a luxury.
Now listen. I know that what I should be doing tonight is cheering on the England team, and I totally will be. But as we get ready for kickoff there are some people watching the match who can’t keep their brain from wandering to one specific fantasy. I say ‘some people’ because conversations with other horny fuckers confirms that I’m not the only one. There may be five of us, ten of us, or ten thousand of us, but make no mistake there are some of us: people who are thinking less about the score than we are about the changing rooms. Specifically, what it would be like to be the changing room slut.