The other day I squirted for the first time and it was fucking AWESOME so I’m going to tell you all about it. Regular readers will know that in the past my inability to squirt has caused me much heartache. I’d seen the people in porn squirting all over the place, including into the eager faces of their sexual partners, and my heart throbbed with sadness that I’d never quite managed to muster anything more than the odd sploosh. But finally – FINALLY – after years of longing and wishing and getting eagerly fingered to little result, I recently managed my first ever squirt and it was everything I’d dreamed of. Here’s how it happened, in case you’d either like to try it for yourself or just have a lovely wank because the thought of squirting turns you on.
When people ask me ‘is your husband home?’ (or variations on that theme), I correct them in the same irritating way I’ll hiss ‘Ms’ if asked whether I’m a ‘Miss or Mrs’. My partner and I aren’t married, and I used to think my initial burst of frustration when people asked for my ‘husband’ was because I didn’t like the assumption that all couples have to get married at some point. It’s not really that, though: what’s frustrating is how often I am asked – or expected – to defer to my male partner. As if he’s the CEO in our relationship, and I am merely his secretary.
It’s sunny and warm and lovely, so I’m going to assume you’re all looking for some interesting/fun/sexy stuff to read while you relax in the shade somewhere eating an ice cream. And if that’s what you’re after, you’re in luck: here’s the next in my series highlighting great guest blogs from the archive. Today we’re going all the way back to 2015, when we were all three years younger, and a whole lot of horrible stuff hadn’t happened yet. (more…)
In which I try to write about the newest sex toy in my collection – the Zumio – without having to run back to my bedroom for another quick go on it just to ‘check’ it’s as cool as I think it is.
This story is quite brutal – it’s about a BDSM fantasy/dream thing in which I want him to beat me as hard as possible. It’s entirely consensual, because it all happens inside my head. But if consensual non-consent isn’t your thing, or if you are in any way confused by the fact that fantasy doesn’t indicate what someone wants in reality, please don’t read it.