Guest blogs

If you want to write a guest blog, that would be bloody lovely. Guest blogs in the past have included such diverse topics as foot fetishes, sex work, first time sex, and how difficult it is to chat up that beautiful person who makes your cappuccino in Starbucks.

If you’ve got an idea for a guest blog, the below explains the sort of things I’d love to publish, how to submit, and how to get money off me for them.

Here are the kind of things I love:

  • experiences that I have never had, or could never write about
  • stories that are personal to you (they can be funny, sexy, sad, or all of the above)
  • eloquent disagreement/rebuttal of any of my own strong and angry opinions
  • tales of the first time you used a particular kind of sex toy/fulfilled a long term fantasy/etc
  • extracts from your sexy books, memoirs, short stories, poems, etc

Here are the kind of things I don’t love:

  • generic, impersonal blogs that you could read anywhere (e.g. tips on how to give a good blowjob, unless they’re really unusual tips)
  • toy/product reviews (unless it’s a really unusual toy or product, or you’ve got a nice angle on it. ‘I give this vibrator five stars’ isn’t that fun, but ‘Here’s what happened when I tried prostate vibrators for the first time’ is pretty awesome!)
  • guest blog from companies. Seriously, if you are pitching me on behalf of a commercial company, or an SEO agency, or anything like that, I will not accept your guest blog. Pretending that you aren’t pitching for a company, and only telling me later down the line when it’s time for me to include your links/shoutouts is sneaky and devious and a massive waste of my time. If you’re working on behalf of a company, check out the advertising page. This rule doesn’t apply to authors – you’re more than welcome to promote your work and your writing.
  • any erotic work that talks about things you did before the age of 18. This might seem like a weird and arbitrary line for me to draw when you’re talking about your own experience, but it is not legal for me to publish this. If you are talking about sex education, or early experiences which are not erotic (i.e. ‘all the weird/funny myths I used to believe about sex when I was younger’) that’s absolutely fine, but if your blog post is sexy, it should not contain kids. Including yourself. Don’t feel bad if you didn’t know this – you’d be surprised how many people don’t!

For example

Great: I fell in love with someone in a swinger’s club

Not so great: How to behave at a swinger’s club

Great: Exploring my sploshing fetish (from the price of custard to the stains on the carpet)

Not so great: Ten unusual fetishes you may never have heard of

How to submit a guest blog

Please send an email to hello [at] girlonthenet dotcom with all of the following:

  • a few lines about your idea. Please send your favourite, rather than a selection of a few you can’t decide between – you know your work best! Pick the one you think you’ll be best at writing! Please do not send me an entire blog post until I’ve replied to your short email outlining your idea. I do not want you to have to put a load of work into an idea I may not be able to publish, your time is precious and I don’t want to waste it!
  • the name you’d like to be known by on the blog (this can be a pseudonym, of course!) If you’d like to be anonymous that is absolutely fine, and in fact if you want to be completely anonymous (even to me) then there are some tips here on how to give you more security in your anon status.
  • link to your writing elsewhere if you have it (if you don’t have it or you’d rather be anonymous that is completely fine – the main thing I want to know is that you have an idea and you can write interestingly).
  • any other links you’d like me to include (for instance, if you have a book coming out, a show to promote, your Twitter handle, etc). Don’t be shy – if your blog is good I’m more than happy to promote other things you’re doing!
  • include the word ‘Twix’ in the subject of your email. That will prove to me that you’ve read these guidelines, and also remind me to stock up on Twixes.

Guest blog length

Guest blogs should ideally be around 800-1000 words long, but if you need to go over or under that’s OK – this is mainly just a guide. If your idea will work for a guest blog I’ll let you know, then when you send through your full post I’ll write a wrap, include any links you’d like to your own blog/Twitter/Facebook etc (or keep you anonymous if you prefer) and send the whole thing back for your approval.

I totally understand if you might be nervous about comments or reaction, but as I’d love to hear from people who might be unsure about speaking their opinion online, I want to do everything possible to help you get your voice heard in a way you’re comfortable with. So if you’re shy, unsure, or want me to give feedback on your post before publishing, just let me know, and at any point in the process you are welcome to change things or back out. I will only publish the guest blog and the wrap if and when you’re 100% happy with it.

Guest blog images

This site is primarily about words – that means you don’t need a picture to illustrate your guest blog. In fact, it can actually be really tricky for me to publish an image along with your guest blog unless it’s something I’ve taken and verified myself. That’s because, before I publish an image on the blog, I have to ask these questions:

  • Am I legally allowed to publish this picture under the terms of copyright?
  • Can I guarantee that the person/people in it are all over 18?
  • Can I guarantee that the picture itself doesn’t break any laws?
  • Are the people in the picture definitely consenting to it being published?
  • Will they continue to consent to it being on this blog, now and forever, and possibly being ripped off by other sites and plastered elsewhere on the internet? If not, are they happy to accept those risks, and willing to get in touch with me to take the picture down if they change their minds?
  • Will posting this image give other people cause for alarm about images they’ve sent me? (This question basically refers to the fact that sometimes people email me private pictures of themselves. I will never ever publish these, but I am often asked by guys to post their dick pictures on my blog. If I were to do that, a hell of a lot of people who have sent me dick pictures and don’t want them published may start to worry that their pics aren’t being kept as private as they’d like)

As you can see, these are a lot of questions, and realistically I’m only going to be able to fully answer those questions if I took the picture, am in the picture, or have had extensive discussion with the people who are in the picture.

Will my post be illustrated?

If I had infinite money, I would absolutely get unique art for all the fabulous posts that go up on the site. Unfortunately, though, I can’t commission art for every guest blog – usually the posts with new illustrations are my posts that go up on Sundays – for Wednesday blogs, and guest blogs, I tend to use illustrations that are already in the bank and which were commissioned for older posts. This is partly, too, because I don’t always get the copy for guest blogs in enough time that I can commission art, whereas my stuff is usually pre-written in enough time to allow Stuart to get to work. I’m so sorry to disappoint on this front, as lots of people have asked about art, but rest assured when the site starts making enough money I would love to commission more fabulous art to go with the kickass stories you tell on these pages!

How to get paid for a guest blog

I firmly believe that if someone is making money out of a website on which your words appear, you deserve to be paid for those words. I don’t have a huge amount of money, although now I am running some ads I can afford to pay £20 for each guest blog I publish. Payment will be sent in the week the story is published. 

I know it’s not a huge amount, but if I paid more I’d have to accept fewer guest blogs. As so many people want to submit guest blogs, I went with an amount that meant I could afford to accept one a week, while still giving you something that means you can buy a pint/book/delicious cake and have something nice in exchange for your words.

As a rough comparison, if you’re looking to earn real money for writing online, the porn site BrightDesire pays $15 for flash fiction of a similar length, and most erotic anthologies I’ve seen pay £20-50 for a story of a few thousand words. If you want to do copywriting for a company you’re looking at £30-50-ish per hour, and my fellow sex blogger Cara Sutra has some amazing tips on how to get into adult copywriting.

In order to pay you, I’ll need an invoice with your bank details or Paypal on. If you’ve never sent an invoice before, just ask me and I’m happy to send you a template invoice to give you an idea of what info you need to include.

If you would rather remain anonymous, feel free to suggest either of the following:

  • An online donation to the charity of your choice
  • If you don’t need/want the money, you can ‘pass it on’ and I’ll add it to the pot for the next guest blogger

Phew – there we go. If you’ve read all this and fancy submitting a guest blog, just get in touch with your idea!