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Love stories about my best friends
This is a love story, but it’s not the one you think. She’s been longing for him for what feels like forever, and they are finally going to meet. That aching, yearning, why-the-fuck-can’t-we-fuck feeling has charged all of the conversations I’ve had with her for the last six months.
Donna Rotunno: if you don’t understand this simple thing, don’t have sex
This might sound weird, but I’m actually pretty sick of talking about consent. As a fan of sex, what I really want to talk about is desire. Want. Lust. Need. Craving. But I can’t talk about all those cool things without also having to explain the basics of consent. Because some pricks still cannot drag themselves over this, the lowest possible bar. Consent! Fuck my life! It’s the most boring sexual basic! Consent is vital, of course, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t also dull. Like that bit at the start of a cupcake recipe where they tell you what temperature you should set your oven to – it’s not the most interesting part of the recipe, but without it you can’t make cakes.
Fucked in the ass: how I prep for anal Sundays
On Sundays, we do anal. It’s not a hard-and-fast rule, although naturally we’re hoping that with enough ‘getting fucked in the ass’ practice for me, ‘hard and fast’ will eventually be the general tone of each occasion. But before we get to that point, we need patience, time, and preparation. A lot of preparation.
Valentine’s Day sex ideas: a horny pic n mix
You can keep your restaurants and posh jewellery, in my house we’re playing Valentine’s Day sex games. While I’d love to be super aloof and pretend it’s because traditional romance is beneath me, the fact is that my partner and I just really like playing sex games. If offered a romantic candlelit meal, we’d far rather use those candles for something more depraved. Depending on whether it arrives in time, I’m hoping my own Valentine’s Day will be spent getting acquainted with a brand new fuck machine. If it doesn’t arrive in time, no harm done. We’ll probably be doing one of the following things instead…
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What anal sex feels like (in probably too much detail)
Have you ever seen a mother cat pick her kitten up by the scruff of the neck? Docile and vulnerable, the kitten instantly stops whatever it was doing, its limbs go all floppy, and it turns into an adorable mess. If you want to know what anal sex feels like, picture me as the kitten and your rock-solid dick as that firm grip on the scruff of my neck.