Sometimes dicks don’t get hard when you want them to. Yours stays soft sometimes, right? If you’re drunk, high, stressed, distracted by a squirrel or whatever? Annoyingly, society has told you that not being able to achieve full-mast, cast-iron boners whenever you want to is shameful, even though it really obviously isn’t because it happens to everyone. Seriously, every single person with a dick has had trouble with it at some point – it won’t get hard, it gets hard at inappropriate times, it comes sooner than you’d like or doesn’t come at all, you know the drill. And some of you, when your dicks don’t do what you want, lean on a little external help. If you come too quickly, you might try wearing a thicker condom. If you can’t get hard, you might pop a Viagra. It’s totally fine, loads of people do it, and I (a 39-year-old woman with a ravenous cunt and a lot of love to give) am here to tell you that I will not shame you for taking one. In fact, like many sexual things to which we usually attach shame, I would like to take that bullshit societal script and utterly pervert it. The next time you reach for a blue pill, please tell me you’re about to take one, so together we can make it kinky. Here’s how to take a Viagra, sexily.

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Writing from the domme perspective is hard. When I’m being submissive, it’s easy to write with a focus on what a dominant guy did to me and how: the words this one growled and the ways he twisted and angled my body so as to best please his own eyes and cock. These hot actions, performed by him, could draw the majority of focus for any given blog post. I know it doesn’t have to be this way – with the dominant as the ‘do-er’ and the submissive as a passive recipient of whatever they choose to do, but it does tend to end up like this quite often. So writing from a subby perspective feels more comfortable to me, because if you focus on someone else when you’re bragging about the sex you had, you can partially hide the fact that you’re bragging in the first place.

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What’s more satisfying – making someone laugh, or making them come? Don’t think too hard, just answer the question with your first instinct. Laugh or come? Which is more satisfying? I asked this question a while ago on Mastodon and the results were extremely close. Within a few percent of each other. I found this really surprising: I’d expected it to go a very specific way, with a dramatic win for one side. I’m not even like those people who tried to nitpick the poll by saying ‘why not both?’ (because the whole point of the question is that it’s an either/or, ya bellends, really obviously we’d all go for both if that were an option). Anyway. I expected the poll to go decisively one way, because to me there’s no contest whatsoever.

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I always say I’m not much of a visual person, and I’m not. But every now and then an image sticks with me, and usually it’s because the bedroom in which we’re fucking has a well-placed mirror or two. I don’t have nearly enough mirrors in my bedroom at the moment – a situation I am keen to rectify as soon as my budget allows (so sometime around 2025, most likely). In the short term, though, please enjoy this trilogy of fuck stories from the past which hopefully will show you why – if you enjoy catching glimpses of you/your partners looking at your absolute fuckiest – you should have mirrors in your bedroom too.

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This fabulous erotic fiction piece in which Kim’s girlfriend surprises her at work is written and read by Lou Kane and originally appeared on his website. Note that this story contains the use of ‘Daddy’ as an honorific – all characters are consenting adults. 

Cara ducked beneath the half-open garage door, eyes adjusting to the brightly lit space after the rainy darkness outside. Her girlfriend Kim had worked at this garage for a couple years, but Cara had only visited a handful of times since they’d started dating. She loved walking in on Kim working; something about how dirty she got really did it for Cara. Right now though, the garage looked empty.

“Kim?” Cara called, voice echoing under high ceilings.

“In back!”

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