I’ve been thinking about dickheads a lot lately. I mean, specifically, the head of a dick. The most sensitive, lickable part. The bit that’s most fun to run your tongue over. The part that you can kiss with spit-moistened lips. I like paying special attention, during languid suck-jobs, to all the different ways I can use my tongue on the head: flat on the underside, swirls round the ridge, firm flicks over it from side-to-side or up-and-down. Right now, I’m obsessed with the head of a dick. The way the ridge of it feels solid against the topside of my tongue when I flatten it and lick. The way I can wet it with one smooth, wet motion – running my tongue around as I playfully pretend that I’m not going to put it all the way back in my throat. The noises I can suck out of someone when I finally dip the head into my waiting mouth, and the twitching agony in his body if I keep doing that – over and over – without ever swallowing the whole of him. Sorry. This is technically meant to be a review of the new Godemiche OffBeat masturbation sheaths, but already I’m distracted. Dick does that to me.

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Today’s post is a little out of the ordinary – it’s a piece of erotic fiction, also recorded as audio porn, about a guy getting pegged by a stranger in a train station toilet. It’s not the sort of thing my brain would usually spit out, but thanks to my fabulous Patreons, who gave me suggestions for new erotica on a recent Zoom call, I have a crop of new ideas to play around with. When we do live calls, we come up with ‘improv erotica’ – Patreons give me a character name, kink, location and object and I try to weave those into a sexy story. Not gonna lie: I fucking loved writing this one.

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This delicious ode to anal fingering is written by Quinn Rhodes, and originally appeared on hir website. It is read here by Girl on the Net.

Fingering open your ass is fucking brilliant.

There’s something indescribable about pushing a lubed-up finger inside you. I take great pervy delight in doing so, because it’s filthy but also deeply intimate. If you’re letting me inside your ass, that’s a sign of trust that I get off on – almost as much as I get off on the feeling of your hot, tight clenching around my finger. It’s so ridiculously hot. I want to open you up and make you exposed and vulnerable and (for a short minute) mine.

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I don’t want to write this post. The very idea of dragging the words from my head makes me want to cringe into a tiny ball. But I’m going to talk about butt plug accidents anyway. My reasons will become clear towards the end of the post but before I begin, a warning and a request. Warning: this post contains scenes that are a bit uncomfortable, especially if you’re not into anal stuff and are easily panicked. Request: if you know me in real life, I would genuinely rather you didn’t read this. It’s mostly because I feel I can be funnier and more honest about this incident if I don’t have to anticipate jokey conversations about it in the pub, during which I have to relive all the feelings that this incident triggered in my fluttery, panic-laden heart. So. If you know me, don’t read this. If you choose to read it anyway, pretend you haven’t. Deal? OK let’s go.

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Sometimes when we’re feeling horny, my partner and I will live out fantasies by telling each other stories. Pretending we’re in a group of people, and describing who’s doing what to who, and how hard each of us is coming. I’ve wanted to write a post about these couple fantasies for a while, because it’s a tip I recommend to others quite a lot – if they want to consider threesomes or group sex, for instance, but they’re nervous about putting it into practice. It’s a fun, hot way to explore these fantasies in a safe environment, and this week’s guest blogger – Neo – has beaten me to the punch, with a superb, almost real-time description of what happened when he and his wife engaged in a mutual fantasy about sex clubs. Enjoy…

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