I don’t want to write this post. The very idea of dragging the words from my head makes me want to cringe into a tiny ball. But I’m going to talk about butt plug accidents anyway. My reasons will become clear towards the end of the post but before I begin, a warning and a request. Warning: this post contains scenes that are a bit uncomfortable, especially if you’re not into anal stuff and are easily panicked. Request: if you know me in real life, I would genuinely rather you didn’t read this. It’s mostly because I feel I can be funnier and more honest about this incident if I don’t have to anticipate jokey conversations about it in the pub, during which I have to relive all the feelings that this incident triggered in my fluttery, panic-laden heart. So. If you know me, don’t read this. If you choose to read it anyway, pretend you haven’t. Deal? OK let’s go.

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Sometimes when we’re feeling horny, my partner and I will live out fantasies by telling each other stories. Pretending we’re in a group of people, and describing who’s doing what to who, and how hard each of us is coming. I’ve wanted to write a post about these couple fantasies for a while, because it’s a tip I recommend to others quite a lot – if they want to consider threesomes or group sex, for instance, but they’re nervous about putting it into practice. It’s a fun, hot way to explore these fantasies in a safe environment, and this week’s guest blogger – Neo – has beaten me to the punch, with a superb, almost real-time description of what happened when he and his wife engaged in a mutual fantasy about sex clubs. Enjoy…

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Can I interest anyone in a story about a guy getting his dick milked in a cold, clinical manner by person or persons unknown? That’s what this post is about. I hope you enjoy it as much as I vigorously masturbated over it. I’m kind of obsessed with the idea of people getting their dicks milked at the moment, mostly thanks to a particular twitter account I follow which consists of amazing videos of exactly that. Scroll to the bottom for the link to it, and be warned that just like this post, it’s NSFW. 

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I’ve always been quite fascinated by the idea of a hands free orgasm. I once found a video of a guy twitching his cock so the head rubbed gently against his stomach, over and over again, for ages, until he came in intense and powerful squirts all over himself. I watched that video so much that if it had been VHS I’d have worn out the tape. This is a fictional story based off an idea that occurred to me while I was out for a walk, which just kind of hit me and felt so ridiculously hot I had to write it to get it out of my head. I don’t know if it’s actually possible, but if you try it and it turns out it is, let me know.

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I used to be ambivalent about lube. OK, more than that: I used to be actively wary of it. As if using this substance represented a giant failure on my part to get my cunt wet. I used to feel as if lube was for anal, and only anal. But one of the things I’ve enjoyed most about my forays into the sex industry is just how ubiquitous lube is, and how many different uses there are for it. So let me pass on some of my learnings to you: unusual things to do with lube.

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