I’ve written a book. It’s an erotic memoir, which begins at roughly the time I first started wanking and ends in 2012. It’s a story about sex, for the most part. It’s got swearing and filth and BDSM and all the things you’d expect if you’ve read my dirty blog entries. But it’s also got rants and a few of the ‘how not to be a douchebag’ rules I try, and frequently fail, to live by. It’s all of my fucks, and all of my fuck-ups, and it’s hopefully funny as well.
You can buy it from any of these places:
Amazon in the UK
Amazon in the US
Kobo
From Mills & Boon
Reviews
BookCunt says: “This is the thinking gentleman/woman’s filth, and will equally delight and disgust you. If you are a fan of the blog then this is a must read. As with all of GOTNs writing, it is a frank and honest, which are two of the best qualities for a memoir to be, in my opinion.”
Martin Robbins, who writes The Lay Scientist at the Guardian says: “It’s like Twilight, if Twilight were about sex instead of vampires and didn’t hate women.”
Curvaceous Dee, awesome hot sex blog writer, says: “Girl on the Net’s amazing memoir is just as hot as her blog, while adding what every memoir needs: a whole lot of wanking, some impressive sexual shenanigans, expanded stories that we never quite got to read enough of on her site, and some of the terrible rotten no-good very bad things that she did too.”
Christopher Mansell of ‘A Writers’ Side Quest’ says: “It’s delightfully filthy, throwing around the sort of language that would put my mother off reading with a casual glee. Stories of so-called normal sex, debauched sex, and even borderline rape in one disturbing case are all thrown in here, and there’s absolutely no holding back. What really elevates it for me is that it comes with its fair share of pathos too. GotN is not perfect by any stretch. She fucks up just as often as she gets things right, and it’s all recounted here, with seemingly nothing left out.”
Fred, of the similarly named blog, says: “G.O.T.N. gives a chronological description of her various lovers, male and female, from her early teens through to present day. Witty, clever, filthy, dirty descriptions. There is a bit of background information about her but mostly it’s just sex. Did I mention it was FILTY, DIRTY, SEX?”
CD Foxwell, of the ‘Erotic Den of Erotica’ says: “This is a memoir that shatters lazy cliches and misguided preconceptions. We all know the notion that women don’t masturbate is preposterous, but here, in e-print, Girl on the Net finally kicks that myth in the knackers with her irresistible memories of her teenage self frantically frigging off at the thought of being tied up by lascivious pirates. Meanwhile, her insights into what was going through her head as she talked dirty with ‘First Love’, or as she encouraged ‘Number One’ and ‘Number Two’ to explore her body so she, in turn, could get her hands on them, are fantastically realised – women are sure to nod and smile, while for men it’s like getting to peer behind the curtain.”
Sex-toy site Bondara says: “This isn’t just a blow-by-blow (pun intended) account of GOTN’s sex life but a funny and often heartbreaking story of a real woman not so different to a lot of us. She’s just more honest about what she wants. And she wants sex. A lot of it. With different people. On her terms. I felt empowered by the end.”
Sean Ellis, reviewing for The Pod Delusion, says: “What makes this work as a genuinely engaging book, rather than just a series of pornographic vignettes trussed up tight in a slick jacket (ahem)… is the emotional underpinning. Girl on the Net writes with genuine love, as well as lust. You can feel the highs and lows, the hope and the heartbreak, as well as the hot and the heavy.”
The excellent website dedicated to writing by women, For Books’ Sake, says the book is: “a frank, confident, explicit, at times combative and often deeply witty read about her life as a stalwart sex and BDSM fan; a book that is equally at home talking about her triumphs as she is admitting her very human, very real fuck-ups.”
Left Turn 4 Records zine says: “Refreshingly honest, pretty much every aspect of your mental and physical being is given a soothing cuddle – whether you think you’re too geeky, too awkward, or just plain repulsive, here is a girl telling you that you’re pretty much perfect as you are, and here’s a clutch of evidence to back that up as she goes into the detail of exactly how that night with your foible-type went. Life affirming indeed.”
I’ll add reviews here as and when they come in. My lifelong dream is that it will receive a review of 5 stars on Amazon, with a comment that simply says ‘utter filth’. Fingers crossed.
Contact about the book
For any trade publishing enquiries, please contact Lorella Belli.
20 Comments
I was wondering if plan to publish on Google Play Books….
Good question – I hope so but will ask publisher. There have been some problems getting it in some places (i.e. iBooks) because it’s too explicit, apparently. Which is a shame, given that explicit is kind of the point =)
I bet they jumped on the “50 Shades” phenomena when it sold in the millions, though. I can imagine it being just as filthy, but with far superior writing…
Read it. It is really good. I was reading it while working at a call centre. I got MASSIVELY turned on while reading it at work, so much so at one point, I had to keep sitting down even when I needed a piss, simply to stop my cock from attempting to burst a hole through my pants (plus all the dodgy stares when I had made that mistake a day earlier).
Take a bow. You did good…
=) Thank you! I am delighted to be able to cause such sexy embarrassment.
Are people who aren’t in the UK and/or don’t use e-books going to have access at some point?
People not in the UK should still be able to get it – either from their non-UK Amazon or from Diesel. I would love for there to be a print run at some point, but that all depends on my publisher so I can’t make any promises. You should be able to download ebook reader apps for most smartphones etc, though – or you can get pdfs through Diesel, I think!
Yeah, I found the links after I posted the comment; somehow I got the UK Amazon kindle link loaded in a side tab and then doing a general Amazon search for Girl On The Net turned up nothing else. No idea why.
I grabbed in on kindle (well, ipad) from the US site.
Hooray! Thank you for buying it! I really hope you like it!
Buying now. Thank you. I’m like a sponge right now(*) for any and all honest advice.
(*) if anyone can find a pun or a double entendre in that, then more power to you.
Challenge accepted!
So you’d say you’re more of a sponge than a stone… very good.
Ok, early thoughts (I’m reading it in stages at bed-time, so I’m still at it).
(1) I’m enjoying reading it. I like the way you write. I’ll put some effort into working out exactly why without sounding like a berk.
(2) I’m also finding it a bit confronting, like the first time I saw the Rocky Horror Picture Show (my love life has been pretty much the other end of the scale, apparently by choice – I was actually a bit shaken up after that first midnight screening)
(3) I was a unnerved when it dawned on me that it wasn’t going to be all happy endings. When I realised that, I skipped to #26 to see how it ended (weak, I know). Now I’ll go back to where I was and proceed with caution :-)
Off to work …
Aww, but where’s the fun if you already know how it ends?! Still, delighted that you’re enjoying it and I hope you enjoy the rest!
Everyone should read your book immediately. Wow.
I came across your website when I was reading a magazine the other day, the article was something to do with sex and some guy getting interviewed had said that he was addicted to your blog. So, I had a nosey myself at your website and can honestly say that you are like a breath of fresh air(tainted in smut mind you but thats fab too!)
After reading a few exciting stories I have come to the conclusion that I am not the only filthy thinking female out there, it’s fab to see that there are more of us than had first thought of. I have now bought your book for my kindle and i love it!!! i can relate to a hell of a lot and all I can say is you go girl!! xxx
I love your book. It’s a fave. It’s great your anonymous. Just makes me imagine you more. Keep up the good work.
Really enjoying the book. Was reading on holiday but had to make sure no kids were reading over my shoulder. Learnt a few things from it and giving a name to some tastes. Every day is a school day and all that! Perhaps I need to be more adventurous!
I gave in and bought it… have wanted to buy it for a while and decided to go for it.
Here’s hoping for a rise…
Hey, thanks! Hope you enjoy it. And I hope you don’t mean a rise in price – I’d rather it stayed cheap tbh =)