All Posts – Page 255
What are real men and how can I spot one in the wild?
Let me tell you something about real men: real men cry. They weep giant, fist-sized tears of misery. They collect them in a bucket, which they’ll later use to drown an angry bear.
Pay attention: it’s important. Because just as we’re told that ‘real women’ have curves, so we’re also spun lines about which men count as ‘real’.
Study the signs, remember them. Then burn your laptop lest this fall into enemy hands.
Two things: feminism, censorship and condom personality tests
Here goes: a round-up of some things you need to read. Which I’m switching to Friday because, hey, who wants to do work on Friday when you could instead be reading about feminism, censorship and condoms?
“The best blow job” will haunt me forever
A few weeks back, I gave the best blow job I’ve ever given. Apparently. I don’t like writing that down so starkly – it’s far easier to talk about how mediocre I am in bed, or how incompetent I am with certain sex toys.
But I’m writing it because the sentence itself will spin round in my head forever. I don’t want anyone to tell me that anything was ‘the best blow job ever’, because I’m primed to root through any compliment until I eventually find a negative. And so this week I’m tortured by this one simple fact:
None of my other blow jobs were as good as that one.
The underwater blow job: breathe in
The following piece discusses submersion in water, in a BDSM context (well, it’s called ‘underwater blow job’ so you probably know that already). Please don’t read if that’s likely to disturb you. And if you’re thinking you want to do this kind of thing – read up on the risks and discuss in a lot of detail with your partner first.
“We’ll get you a nose clip.”
That’s not where it started; that’s where it started getting serious. When the desire for water – pressure, fear – grew from a small spark of interest to a roaring fire of obsession.
I wanted him to fuck my face underwater.
IMDb erotica – guess the film from the IMDb guide
What exactly is IMDb erotica? Well. Last night, a gentleman and I were trying to choose which film to watch. We were tired, so wanted something with the right level of vague tittilation but zero intellectual merit.
On our search, we found possibly one of the most beautiful things in the world: IMDB erotica.
By which I mean “the content notes for films on IMDB.” They’re poetic, delicious, hilarious run-downs of all the sexy bits in the film, as written by a breathless youth who is probably halfway through a wank. Observe: