A friend of mine recently quizzed me on what I think about while shagging. Or, more specifically, who.

I’m drawing a blank, I’m afraid. I mean, it’s not like I go unconscious as soon as I get my kit off, but in terms of mental energy I don’t think I have more than is required to focus on what’s happening at any given moment. I’m not saying this to boast about how amazingly focused I am on sex – I don’t think ‘thinking about a celebrity arse’ is some sort of crime, for which you get a tick in the ‘bad sex’ column. I just don’t happen to do it.

Other people do though, apparently, at least according to my friend who – while humping a guy she didn’t really get that excited by – has lived a full and rich mental life in which she’s performed sex acts on most of her favourite TV stars and a few of mine to boot.

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If you’ve been following the criticism of the oppressive changes to UK porn regulations, you’ll probably have seen one or two (or thousands of) people spitting outrage over the definitions of ‘moderate’ pain and consent. While consent in porn is absolutely vital, the censors have made a pretty huge mistake in how they categorise it – believing that consent is something which should be determined by an objective third party, rather than the people who are playing.

It’s for this reason that they’ve said porn with a bound and gagged subject will be censored – apparently there’s no clear means of withdrawing consent.

Please welcome Jenny, who is here to demonstrate just how utterly ridiculous that assumption is.

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If you want to find out just how interesting people can be, and just how many people share similar hot fantasies, you could look in worse places than a sex blog’s search bucket. People type all manner of excellent things into Google and eventually end up at my site – from ‘100 girl orgy’ to ‘my wife fucking a butternut squash.’

So I thought I’d do a bit of a meta-post looking at some of the cooler ones, and given that it’s nearly Christmas I’ve given them a festive theme. I know, right? If I shoehorn any more topical relevance into this post they’ll feature it on Sky News.

I’m obliged to do something Christmassy, though, and given that I’ve already written a Christmas gift guide, I thought I’d combine my love of Google Analytics and my desire for festive singalongs, and replace the lyrics to ’12 days of Christmas’ with sex blog search terms people have used over the last year. Sing it in your head to the tune or all my work will have been wasted.

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One of the most popular things I write about is also one of the most ‘Marmite’ – you either love it or you hate it: Throatfucking. Deepthroat. Enthusiastic head.

Some people, like me, are big fans of it. I like it not just because there’s a joyful sense of satisfaction and achievement if I can swallow the whole of someone’s cock. That’s nice of course but what really makes my cunt throb is the noises that he makes when I manage to get it right in. The moans at the back of his throat when the head of his prick slips down past mine, and my lips touch the base of his shaft. Yet for all those who love it, there are others who’d rather stay shallow and avoid the choking fullness of the whole palaver.

This is by way of introduction to this week’s guest blog, and to explain that if you’re one of the latter people, and deep throat just isn’t your thing, then this blog probably isn’t for you. If, on the other hand, this kind of head turns you on like nothing else, then you’ll be as pleased as I am to read Beth’s guest blog. Deeply filthy, intensely hot, and very Not Safe For Work, here’s her deepthroat adventure…

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