Answer the question quickly before you have too much time to think: which kind of dicks are better – growers or showers? ‘Growers’ meaning dicks which look fairly small when flaccid, but ‘grow’ a lot while they’re getting erect, ‘showers’ meaning dicks which get hard during erection, but ‘show’ most of their size even when flaccid. Which is better – grower or shower? Got your answer? OK, let’s get into this.

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I love bras. I literally never leave the house without wearing one. Even if I am just popping to the shop to get milk – a task which takes a maximum of three minutes – I will still put on a bra before I go, and I will be a million times happier for it. I know lots of people hate them, so I just wanted to raise my voice in a joyous shout in defence of bras: I LOVE THEM.

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He’s on the phone in the living room and I can hear one half of the conversation. I understand about twenty percent of it. The other eighty percent is a delicious mixture of authority, skill, and words I don’t really understand that are directly related to his job. A job which I know he is pretty fucking good at. I boil the kettle. I grind coffee beans. I prepare him a coffee so delicious that when he gets off the phone he’ll acquiesce to my request: please please please can I suck your dick now? He’s in ‘work mode’ and it’s intensely sexy – I want to start from flaccid, and have the joy of sucking him hard.

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Wow, it’s been a while since I last did a sex news update (aka ‘two things‘) – sorry I’ve been a bit off the ball. This week, I wanted to highlight ‘sexperiments’ – those people who write articles about how they’ve made themselves shag every day for a month to save their marriage – and also let you know that tickets for Eroticon 2018 are on sale now. If you are – or want to be – a sex blogger or erotic writer, there’s time to pick up a cheap ticket in advance for next year.

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I wanted to shout out to him as I heard him come down the stairs. I knew it was him. I could tell from his footsteps, and the way he made slightly more noise than he normally would – treading heavily to give me notice that he was awake. I’d been lying on the sofa for an hour or more, heart thumping and mind running over the things I wanted to say. The one thing I wanted to say: take me. Fuck me. Now, while my body is perfect.

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