Category Archives: Ranty ones
Up your game!
I read this one to Patreons in December, and it’s long, so here’s this post as audio if you prefer.
I have a message here for men. And before I get stuck into it, I’ll clarify (as I always have to) that obviously I don’t mean all men. In fact this time I don’t even mean ‘most’ men. I am speaking very precisely to single, straight/bi/pan men in London between the ages of about 30 and 50. My message is this: up your game.
Gisèle Pelicot’s power, and Dominique Pelicot’s shame
Have you heard of Gisèle Pelicot? You must have by now, surely. You must have heard of the woman who stood up publicly and showed everyone exactly where the shame lies in a rape case. Gisèle’s husband, Dominique Pelicot, drugged her repeatedly and invited strangers into their home to rape his unconscious wife over a period of almost a decade. There are 50 other men who have all been found guilty today, and more who have still not yet been identified. Despite the enormous stress of publicly naming your assailants, Gisèle Pelicot waived her anonymity in this case, to ensure that people knew not just what had been done but crucially who had done it. Gisèle Pelicot taught a world that desperately needed to hear it that ‘shame must change sides.’ So as we celebrate her breathtaking heroism, let’s also spend some time discussing Dominique Pelicot’s shame.
You can’t build love on lies
When I was young, my family used to be big followers of soaps: Neighbours, Eastenders, Coronation Street. I can’t remember what else there was to do on evenings in the nineties besides yell things at the telly as ludicrous fictional characters cocked up their lives in ever more creative ways. Perhaps this is testament to how my Mum raised me, but when I watched soaps, the thing that got me most irate was how terrible people were at just fucking talking to each other.
The ‘Party of Women’ ain’t partying today
This UK election has been one of massive schaudenfreude. There are so many moments of knicker-wetting hilarity; Jacob Rees-Mogg lost his seat! Liz Truss got record-breakingly shamed! Michael Green Sebastian Fox Corinne Stockheath Grant Shapps got the boot! The BBC told Steve Baker – live on air! – that he was toast! Lol. Lmao. Hahaha fucking ha. Pure joy. But while it’s healing and delicious to luxuriate in the news that the Conservative Party has lost more seats than it retained (seriously, lol! I wanna drink it down like wine!), let’s not forget that alongside handing the Tories their arses, the UK electorate also succeeded in humiliating a group of extremist transphobes: the Party of Women.
Is Liquid Silk the best lube? Or just the most popular?
Is Liquid Silk the best lube on the market, or does it just happen to be popular with guys I’ve fucked? This question has played on my mind for a long time. Far longer than is reasonable, to be honest. When I was single in my twenties, I rarely paid much attention to brands, I’d just use the lube provided by whoever wanted to fuck me up the arse. Eventually, though, I started to notice a pattern. If ‘every single guy I fucked using the same lube’ could constitute a pattern. Is block colour a pattern? Whatever. My ex used Liquid Silk, and I assumed he just really liked it, but after he and I parted ways I went on to fuck some more guys and… yeah… they all used Liquid Silk too! So obviously that’s what I bought, because although I pretend to be feminist deep down I’m obsessed with impressing men. The type of men I most wanted to lick all tended to use it, so I assumed Liquid Silk must be the best lube around. But is it actually? Or have I just jumped on a bandwagon beside other lazy, sexy, wank-loving Londoners? Let’s find out.