Woo! Start of the week! That means you get to throw all last week’s mistakes into the bin and be reborn as a better person. That’s what I like to think, at any rate. In ‘two things‘ this week we’re starting with the good stuff: a competition in which you can win a Doxy die cast, as well as £100 to spend on more amazing sexy things. Then we’ll move on to something that annoyed me: the McVities ‘girls’ night in’ advert.

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Point-missing app developers SaSie have come up with a new ‘affirmative consent app’ – one of many sexual consent apps that fundamentally misunderstand the nature of consent, or the ways in which humans work. That fills the ‘bad news’ column in this week’s ‘Two things‘, but if you’re after some much better news, scroll down to the bottom for some hardcore panda sex.

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I hate my sofas. I hate them with every single fibre of my being. I hate them more because I should have anticipated the problems I have had with them, and left them to rot in Marks and Spencer where they belonged. With their shitty sleek design and their evil spindly legs. And their squeaky, ill-placed, uncomfortable cushions.

I cannot fuck on my sofa. And although this might sound like an entitled whine (it is), I want you to be able to learn from my mistakes if you can. Never ever ever buy a sofa you cannot fuck on.

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Let’s talk about false balance in sex reporting, specifically in regards to the porn debate. The way that the question ‘is porn actually damaging our brains?’ is so often presented as a roughly 50/50 argument. On one side: people like me who love porn (or people who make it) bleating sadly about the loss of our livelihoods/hobbies. On the other side: brave crusaders for truth who are opening our eyes to the dangers with their shocking stats and stories of addiction.

Except – obviously – it’s a bit more complicated than that

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Normally with ‘two things‘ I pick one good bit of sex news and one bad bit, so I can take the piss out of the bad thing and recommend the good. Instead, this week I have two things that are ‘good’ (Vaginismus Awareness Day and Fleabag) and as a bonus I have a teeny rant about a bad thing, which I’m burying at the end so you don’t think I’m a twat. Ready? Let’s go.

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