If your email is work or media related, I will get back to you as soon as I can (usually within working hours GMT). If it’s anything else, see below.
Hardly anyone actually reads this page, hence I get a pile of requests that are already dealt with here. If you have read this page, and your question genuinely isn’t dealt with here, include ‘NOT IN FAQS’ in your subject line or similar and I’ll try and add it/give you priority.
Enquiries about free sex toys (“Sex Fairies”)
I’m afraid I’m not running the ‘Sex Fairies’ project any more. Might pick it up again in the future, but in the meantime here are some sex toy recommendations.
Enquiries about guest blogs
Thank you for pitching! I do my best to get back to every pitch although sometimes it can take weeks. Please do bear with me, and in the meantime check if your question has been answered on the guest blog page.
Can I advertise on your site?
Can I commission you to write something?
Not right now, sorry. I’m absolutely swamped.
If you’re looking for a kickass copywriter/blogger then I can recommend HornyGeekGirl. I’ve commissioned her for work before, and she’s incredibly professional, as well as downright fun to work with.
Will you write something for me for free?
Are you a charity? If so, let me know what you need and your timescales, and I’ll do my best. If not: no.
I have an amazing toy/product for you to review! Can I post it to you?
Nope, sorry – but thank you for the offer! I’m an anonymous blogger so I can’t give out my address.
Do you want to come to my event?
Feel free to send me details, but I probably won’t, for anonymity reasons.
Do you accept paid guest blogs/sponsored content?
No, sorry – I want to keep editorial control and that means only writing on topics I like. Feel free to add me to your press list though, and if your thing is particularly interesting I’ll write about it for free. Alternatively, I do offer advertising, and I can guarantee you a minimum of 90,000 pageviews per month.
Can I use the pictures from your site/have some pictures that are like the ones on your site because they’re so pretty?
Please get in touch with the artist directly if you want to commission or license images – Stuart F Taylor. He’s amazing to work with and I thoroughly recommend him.
From fellow bloggers
Can I write a guest blog for you?
I love guest blogs. Click the link for details and pitch me when you’re ready with an idea. I pay £10 for every guest blog and that will go up when the blog makes more money.
Will you write a guest blog for me?
I would love to, but I am so swamped. If you have something specific you’d like me to write on, let me know and I’ll see what I can do, but chances are it’ll fall to the bottom of my infinite to-do list as paid work has to take priority at the moment.
How do I set up my own sex blog?
I have written a guide about this – starting a sex blog is a long and ever-evolving journey, but it should give you some pointers. If you have specific questions, please do comment on that piece – I’ll try and keep it updated. And welcome, by the way – the world needs more awesome sex writing, so I’m delighted you’re joining the sex blog world!
Oh, and you should also come to Eroticon if you can – it’s a fantastic conference for sex writers, and I’ve learned some amazing stuff from the people who go.
Can you critique my writing?
I’m so sorry, no. If it’s a guest blog for publication here, I can give you some feedback in terms of what people will like, and I’m happy to help you shape it a bit. But if you send me a short story/book/etc I can’t guarantee I’ll get the time to read it.
What’s more, I am not sure that I’m the best person to give you feedback – I only really know what I like and what I write, so I’m nervous that any feedback I give on other sex writing will basically boil down to ‘you should do it more like me.’ That’s a bit odd and goes against my Master Plan, of encouraging people to recognise the differences in sexuality between all of us.
Who are you?
There’s some stuff on my about page but essentially, I’d rather not tell you. I appreciate that at some point people might find out who I am, so if you think you have found out, I’d be incredibly grateful if you’d keep quiet about it, if only to spare the blushes of my nearest and dearest. More reasons in this post on anonymity and accountability.
I’m writing to give you feedback on your blog/book/a thing you said elsewhere.
Thank you! I am massively grateful for feedback and I really do try to get back to everyone. I am swamped with email though so please do forgive me if I can’t get back to you. I genuinely do read all my email, and I’m incredibly grateful if you email support or whatnot.
I want to support your blog! How do I do that?
You’re super-kind to offer – thank you! You can support this blog in a number of ways:
- Buy my books! And review them on Amazon – this makes a huge difference to me, and any other author who you review, so massive thanks in advance if you do this!
- Support me on Patreon! I am working to turn some of the (huge, extensive!) blog archives into audio porn – someone pointed out to me that if you’re using a screenreader, hearing porn read aloud to you in a robot voice can kind of kill your boner. Also some people just want to hear me reading dirty words. So you can support this fab project – and my blog – by becoming a patron. And you get awesome stuff too, including votes on which posts should become audio next, and custom story requests if you have a particular fantasy you’d like me to write about.
- Share blog posts. Again, this means a huge amount to me and won’t cost you any money. Please do share posts you like – by email just with your mates if you’re shy!
I need your advice about my sex life/relationship. Can you help me?
Like most humans, I basically just bumble through this stuff in the hope that I succeed. I’m not a therapist or other kind of professional, and I constantly burn up with guilt that I can’t be more helpful to people who ask me this stuff. Here are some people who know far more than I do:
- Dr Meg John Barker’s site Rewriting the Rules is a treasure-trove of fascinating info and discussion.
- Dr Petra Boynton gives great advice at the Telegraph.
- If you’re really distressed or worried about something, please please contact a professional who can give you the time and help that internet people can’t!
Can you recommend me some other bloggers?
Yes! See the right-hand column. Or if you’re on mobile, scroll down to the blogroll.
Can I tell you in explicit detail about my unusual fetish/darkest fantasies?
I get a hell of a lot of email (hence this FAQ), so if you’re horny of a Saturday night and you want someone to sext with, I am not the right person at all. It’s like asking your waiter for cooking tips in the middle of the lunchtime rush.
Will you write a special blog about my unusual fetish/darkest fantasy?
See above about being busy – if you want to get me to write on a specific topic, your best bet is to support me on Patreon – $30 patrons get to put forward requests which I will take on for new posts, $50 patrons get my guarantee that their question will be answered or a bit of flash fiction written to their specific tastes.
Alternatively, pitch me a guest blog about your fetish if you’re happy to write on it yourself! I adore fetishy guest blogs!
Will you reply to me?
This question is sometimes phrased as ‘I know you’re busy but reply to let me know you got this.’ It usually comes from a certain type of person: the person who has ignored the FAQs and/or sent me an email that I find uncomfortable. So the answer is ‘no.’ I do reply to most other emails though, eventually.
I have spotted a cool thing that I’d like to recommend you – here’s the link!
Thank you! You’re very kind, and I will almost certainly read/look at it, as long as it isn’t some porn on one of the tube sites (pay for your porn pls). However, I probably won’t be able to get back to you for an in-depth chat about it. I might discuss it on the blog though, so let me know if you’d like credit/a hat tip for pointing it out if I write it up.
I strongly disagree with something you’ve posted, and I demand a long and involved email back-and-forth in which I attempt to change your mind about it.
If your opinion is so awesome that it’s worth you typing at extensive length, then please leave it in the comments so everyone can read it.
I am genuinely up for a good debate, but the people who send their critiques to my inbox rather than the comments section are, 99% of the time, absolutely fucking horrible to me. Seriously. Horrible. Please don’t be them.
Will you send me sexy pictures/a dirty story?
You’d be surprised how many people ask this, like they are the first person in the world to ever think of it. But the answer is no.
Will you come for a pint/have dinner with me/suck my cock?
Can I send you a picture of my genitals?
Third time lucky? No. Also no.
Are you really this mean?
I hope not. And I really hope that this FAQ hasn’t come across as incredibly rude. Thing is, I get a huge number of emails in my inbox. Most of them are lovely, but a very large number of them come from people who either haven’t really read my blog/about or who are chancing their arm a bit. So I’m quite tired. But I do hope that this answers your questions, and also I hope that you’re not horribly offended. I’m genuinely delighted that I get so much mail, and gutted that I can’t reply to all of it personally.
If you’ve got this far and I haven’t answered your question, then please go ahead and send it, and I promise I won’t bite. Thank you for giving enough of a shit to read to the bottom of this! It means a lot, truly.