In my neverending quest to come up with new ways to remind you to BUY THINGS FROM MY SPONSORS PLS, I cannot quite believe I’ve never done this, the most obvious and fun thing of all. Here are some Valentine’s poems, with links to the absolutely brilliant companies that support my website. They’re here mainly as a reminder to you that every click on every link – in posts, on ads, and in tweets as well, helps me to keep doing what I do. If you like the poems, or any of the other content I write, please consider clicking these links and buying whatever sexy stuff your little heart desires – for Valentine’s Day, or any day. Cos roses are red, violets are blue, and I couldn’t do this if it weren’t for you.

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When I’m feeling shitty, I like to suck cock. One of the most frustrating things for me about not having a live-in partner any more (if you discount the fact that, you know, I miss him terribly) is that there’s no easy-access dick to suck when I’m feeling unloveable and down.

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Sometimes the stars align into a constellation that literally spells out “I HAVE THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD, GODDAMMIT”, and so it was on the 20th January this year, when I got a little message from a shipping company telling me my package from Intimate Chocolate had arrived. My package of a gigantic, delicious, beautiful hazlenut-and-chocolate dick. I am supposed to ‘review’ this for the website, but you lot know me by now and so what I’m actually going to do is wax lyrical about how fucking awesome this whole situation is, then tell you how I got overexcited and suggested to a mate who was visiting that we should competitively deep-throat it.

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Sometimes I get into this zone when I’m fucking where it feels almost meditative. The focus on pure pleasure, combined with the rhythm of what’s happening puts me into a kind of horny trance. It’s rare that I feel those same feelings when reading a piece of writing, but this week’s guest blog conjured them exactly. I’m so delighted to welcome this week’s anonymous guest blogger, who is here to share a story about first time bondage so utterly beautiful that it left me breathless and spacey.

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I don’t know why I feel it’s important to tell you this is a true story. Perhaps because I find things even hotter if they’re true. Perhaps because I like to dream that I, one day, might be rescued by a hot dude and then seduced so skilfully he has me laid flat and breathless with lust somewhere. Either way, this is a true story by Leda Marshall about an extremely hot après-ski experience, and it had me weak with horn. Enjoy!

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