Here’s something that has never happened to me in the whole of my slutty life: after a fuck, a guy pulls his dick out of me and shuffles down the bed, so as to get a better view of all the cum dripping out of my freshly-fucked cunt. Never happened. Ever. This is the shining truth at the heart of why I hate the term ‘creampie’.
For those of you unfamiliar with this extremely porn-focused word, a ‘creampie’ is a noun that refers to a cunt – or an ass – full of spunk. As you can probably imagine, the ‘cream’ portion refers to the jizz itself, which presumably means my vagina/ass gets to be the pastry. Or perhaps the foil casing inside which the pie is baked.
I hate this word so much, it makes me deeply unhappy that one of the things I love most in the whole world (PLEASE SPUNK UNCONTROLLABLY INTO MY CUNT) is so often referred to in terms that make my vagina zip itself shut like a festival tent when the rains come. And I hope I’m not kinkshaming you if you do like it – on the contrary, I am extremely envious of you because I see the word ‘creampie’ fucking everywhere and if I could kink it myself then my own life would be ten thousand percent more horny. Which would be lovely for me, even if it did cause chaos and disaster for the fragile men who are unfortunate enough to cross my path.
I’m not saying no one’s allowed to like the term ‘creampie’, or that you’re bad or silly if you do. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if a fair few of you had initially started off disliking (or feeling ambivalent about) the word but subsequently grown to like it because it’s seemingly the only word we have for that sexy porny thing where you get to watch it all drip out of someone. What begins as uncomfortable can later become sexy, in a Pavlovian sort of way: like how ‘destroy my cunt‘ went from ‘gross’ to hot for me once I’d become accustomed to seeing/hearing it during wanking and sex. Or how I once trained a guy to start getting horny when I took my lip ring out, because ‘lip ring removal’ means a suck job’s about to happen. If you’ve hunted enough porn sites for jizz-dripping cunt content, it may be that your brain now sees the word ‘creampie’ and instantly conjures images that make you want to touch yourself.
So I’m not saying you have to dislike the term, I’m just telling you that despite all valiant attempts to embrace it the way I did with ‘destroy my cunt’ and ‘monster cock‘, I still find I personally can’t stand it. I very rarely watch porn when I’m on my own, usually it’s something I only do when there’s a dude there to show me his recent favourite hits. And it’s annoying for someone who loves getting filled with spaff as much as I do (AND I DO, IT IS ALL I CRAVE AT ALL TIMES. I HAVE BECOME MONSTROUS FOR IT. LET ME USE MY CUNT TO MILK IT OUT OF YOU PLEASE JESUS) to be unable to state ‘I want a creampie’ without physically retching at the thought of calling it that.
What’s wrong with ‘creampie’?
Firstly, I think there’s just a personal ick here about associating sex with food. I don’t usually feel horny when I’m eating my dinner, and I’ve never really been one for mixing food and sex. If someone was desperate for me to lick chocolate sauce off their dick, I’d be game enough to give it a go, but to be honest I’m the sort of person who’ll turn her nose up at even a hint of breakfast in bed (I don’t like eating unless I’m fully clothed – it feels weird to me. I also don’t own pyjamas or a dressing gown. I’m either naked in bed or out of bed and therefore dressed in day clothes. These are my two states). So if you’re planning on ever putting your cock anywhere near it, I’d prefer you don’t compare my fanny to food.
The second reason I hate the term ‘creampie’ didn’t really occur to me until recently when I was chatting to Twitter about possible alternatives. That reason is in the intro to the post, and I realised it like a lightbulb moment.
Aha! I squealed, leaping out of the metaphorical bathtub like a spunk-hungry Archimedes. That’s it! No one I have shagged has ever shown the slightest bit of interest in post-fuck ‘creampie’ action! What exactly would it consist of? Just… scooching down the bed a bit to have a quick look? I’m not averse to people doing this, by any means. If this is something my lovers have secretly been hankering after for years then – despite being a bit squeamish about my own vagina– I’d be more than happy to fulfil that request. I’m a people-pleaser, after all.
But usually after an actual real-life shag, especially a bareback one, the most common thing people want to do is stay inside for a bit. Let their exhausted cock rest a while in the warm wetness of my cunt while I pant and tremble and tell them what a fuckgod they are.
‘Creampie’ is a great word for porn. It’s a great thing for porn. It’s a thing that I suspect is born of people’s desire to know that there was a ‘real’ orgasm for the dick-owner somewhere – people who haven’t quite come themselves yet and need to see the on-screen spunk before they’re tipped over the edge. But in real life, in my experience, a creampie’s a nothing. People I’ve been with have given it short shrift: it’s the aftermath of what really mattered – the actual sensation of orgasm/jizzing or (for those of us lucky enough to be the receptacle into which a heavy load of cum is eventually dumped) the sensation of jizz pumping nice and deep inside us.
Alternatives to ‘creampie’
There are a number of different ways to refer to ‘the act of someone spunking in someone else.’ In the past I’ve leaned heavily on ‘bareback’ because my deep desire (NEED. IT IS LITERALLY A NEED LIKE I NEED WATER AND FOOD AND ALSO SOMETIMES A CUNT FULL OF SPAFF) is not just about the climactic money shot, it’s also about the feeling of someone’s bare dick pumping cum inside me, and the ability to start fucking without having to piss around finding condoms. The opportunities that arise if someone’s able to just slip it inside me when they’re hard and horny at 3 in the morning… unngh.
So ‘bareback’ works nicely for that. But ‘creampie’ is a noun.
‘I want a creampie.’
‘I want to be barebacked.’
When I asked for suggestions on Twitter the best one that I got (in my opinion) was ‘freeload.’ As in ‘a load which is free from constraints’. It hits the spot better than creampie, but annoyingly won’t get the same kind of search traffic as the former because it requires everyone to use it in that context in order for it to be searchable.
Your suggestions for alternatives in the comments below, if you like, or your vigorous disagreement with me about the ickiness of ‘creampie’ itself. There’s no conclusion to this blog post that’ll satisfy my urgent need to wrap everything up neatly like I’m some smug wannabe-Tory engaged in a sixth-form debate, so for once in my obsessively needy life I’m going to let myself trail off rather than hammer this home with an unnecessarily wordy climax. I just don’t like ‘creampie’, no shade if you do. Either way, isn’t language fun? And sex? And talking about the language we use to describe specific sex acts is a great way to open up a dialogue about the acts themselves. This is what I’m here for, I think? Perhaps?
That, and begging hot guys to give me a freeload.
There. Does that work? I’m not sure. You decide.
16 Comments
Agree on the crappiness of the term but the opening paragraph is a hard disagree.
A cunt looks at it’s best when it’s been freshly fucked; plump, throbbing, maybe pinkening up. I *want* to see.
And scooting down to look up and see her pussy and smug/cheeky/blissful grin while I’m telling her how pretty her pussy is? How I’ve filled her with so much come it’s literally leaking out of her no matter how much she wants to keep it all whilst telling her I’m going to have to fuck it all back? Yes please. I wouldn’t say it’s a staple in my afterplay, or whatever those moments of sated frustration are where you get to enjoy each other without the same bestial lusts taking over, but it makes for really hot and/or connective moments to say, show and see that you’re full of *me*. Like a lot of things it’s reaction built upon reaction.
But yeah, the word creampie can get to fuck. Mostly because it makes me think of 90s Mr Blobby-esque TV shaving foam pies in the face.
Holy fuck gshdhwgaftsueehagauejebsgei that is a disgracefully hot comment, and I think you’ve absolutely got me on board with this. No one’s ever asked this of me, but if someone did with this kind of energy I would immediately drown in my own quim. A thousand thank yous.
OMG this is a hot comment …
Thank you! It sounds hot there but in reality I’m not sure my Roy Walker approach to dirty talk is as hot in practice.
If you can arrange it I’d like to request all reappraisals/u-turns/resignations contain the phrase “drown in my own quim” please. The only way the last week could have been funnier was if the PM had said “This morning I met the chair of the 1922 Committee, Sir Graham Brady and I realised I was so far out of my depth I might down in my own quim”.
I’ll let you work out the details.
I don’t have any additional alternatives, and am an instant fan of “freeload”. However, I’m 100% on board with the loathing of “creampie”. I know where my instant revulsion comes from – the idea of any dairy product near my vagina makes it slam shut and lower the portcullis because you’re on a one-way highway to yeast-infection-ville. The use of the word “cream” as a euphemism for jizz conjures up thoughts of curdling, and my usually cock-hungry cunt becomes a Saharan wasteland. Big no.
I only quite recently learned the Noble word “quim”. I’m happy it has cum to be useful!🍄
nice writing Girl
I agree on the not liking the term creampie, and the way it’s typically done in porn. But I do enjoy looking at the results of vigorous bareback fucking.
Fill her with spunk, stay inside her, and keep going at it until I can’t keep it up anymore. I usually have a second, and sometimes a third orgasm before I get too tired or can’t stay hard. After pulling out I love seeing both our bits covered in a mixture of spunk & vaginal fluids. By that point it’s spread to her thighs if it was a big load. Touching her spunk filled cunt, hearing her say things like “you’re dripping out of me” are major turn ons for me. Watching her masturbate or squirt while full of spunk are both amazingly hot experiences.
Hearing a partner say “give me a creampie” or “creampie me” would feel rather weird. But “please fill me” or “I want your cum” is incredibly hot.
I do like the term “fluid bonding”. Better at articulating the pleasure & intimacy that goes with pumping someone full of cum
“Creampie” is an awful term. What I love is *extensive talking about* being full of come (and playing with ir, and adding to it). “God, look how full of come you are, it’s just dripping out of you, I’m just going to scoop it back up and push it back into you. You don’t want to lose any of it, do you, you dirty, greedy slut?” just makes me *melt* with lust, whether I’m saying it or having it said to me.
I’m agnostic about the term itself, and likewise by the act as described. I totally get why it’s a turn off for you as well. In fact, the more it’s repeated the less I like it.
However – did it feel like there was one of those coming? – creampie for me suggests something you eat, and I fucking love going down on a woman and licking my spunk out of her freshly fucked pussy. I enjoy a mouthful of cum regardless, but where better to get that mouthful from than the cunt I just filled up?
I just read about how you’re not a fan of receiving head, but my god do I like going down on a woman. I have a bit of an oral fixation – probably why I also like sucking cock. I could spend a long time with my tongue buried in a pussy or arse (at least until my aging neck gets a bit of a crock, and then a little longer after that), but a smoking wet pussy filled with hot spunk…. Hhnnnnnngggg. Jesus that’s hot.
Still need to bury my tongue in a freshly fucked arse though…
Big love for all comments.
Being a foodie my mind took off in a different direction towards REALLY GOOD pies which deserve to be chosen for naming my cunt. Yuck for cream pie but how about
Cherry pie
Tarte Tatine (if not known please go, look it up and serve it for your next fore- or after play – oh and pass me a piece please)
Quiche Lorraine
Black Forest cake
Almond apple hazelnut pie
and
being in luv with all sorts of foods and bodies I obviously considered other foods for other favorite body parts
Pain Saucisse or Worstenbrood (yes it is what you think it is and if you get one the next time I’d like to see your conspirator’s grin)
Pecan nut pastry
Almond croissant
Cinnamon rolls
Brioche
Pretzel
Panini
And now me and my sex and food and language loving mind will leave you to play. I will need to keep a straight face the next time I’m in a bakery.
(for poor confused souls from US and UK: yes I am a continental European. We have cakes and pies and the worlds best bakeries)
I have begged “Put a baby in me,” then giggled uncontrollably because I’m nearly 60. So yeah no … I got nothing.
It is so interesting when exploring sexuality and the terms used to discover something that makes you go- hard stop-no- that thing or term does not work for me. I did read your post but I’m still unclear (perhaps I’m thick) on why you dislike the term so much but I respect that you don’t. In the “hotwifing” community if such a thing exists it’s a commonly used term and within that group of folks many who enjoy such a thing. Yes a wife or partner coming home or otherwise having someone spunk uncontrollably into their cunt is a massive turn on. That you have not been with someone who enjoys this is not a surprise as it sounds like you would not enjoy it. Contrast this with a woman who is in to it and gets on on presenting that treat by forcing her lovers face into her! Enjoyed your perspective!
[Can’t remember if blockquotes work here]
“So ‘bareback’ works nicely for that. But ‘creampie’ is a noun.
‘I want a creampie.’
‘I want to be barebacked.”
“Your suggestions for alternatives in the comments below,”
Hmm.
“Spaffled” perhaps? Homophone with “-filled” but also implies literally being “fucked silly”?
(Speaking of suggestions, it occurred to me that in addition to eagerly doing the “getting down to look after” thing any time I don’t need to collapse and catch my breath after, it’s also pretty hot seeing cum oozing down someone’s thighs, which isn’t given as much emphasis in porn as it should be, let alone having a name. I came up with “legnog” but I’m guessing you’re not a fan of that one either? ;/ )
Can I put my vigorous agreement with you in the comments instead please? It seals me shut, too.
i grew up with “creaming” and “creamy” being a descriptive for a properly aroused cunt, as in “she’s creaming all over”. I cream you cream we all cream for her cream…
I think I was in my 30s before I even had any awareness that anyone used it for jizz. Jizz was always “custard” like “i love his chocolate eclair, i find his custard so sweet and filling…”. (Ok ok i’ll stop).
So i came late (damn I just can’t stop) to the whole creampie thing. Like many other words, I totally get why some people gush and some people get squicked and close their legs over it, but no matter what you call it, I love wet creamy (and here’s another word you don’t like) pussy, well-fucked pussy, and cum-filled pussy. Looking at it, eating it out, yum.