We’ve been on a total of two dates, and had exactly the same number of fucks, so I don’t really know this guy at all. I know him exactly as well as I know anyone who’s willing to share a bottle of wine and a swift fuck with me, but still: he’s promising. What is it that makes someone promising? How do you turn a first date into a second, and then a third?

Note: there’s a time delay on a lot of blog posts at the moment, so although we’re in lockdown now, this date happened when it was legal. I am naughty but not that kind of naughty.

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Look look! I’ve found it! After years of sifting through terrible dating ‘systems’ and advice that amounts to ‘treat women like they’re vending machines‘, I think I’ve found the worst online dating strategy of all time. One that misses almost every conceivable mark. Are you ready? Here it is…

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I’m going to keep the intro short and sweet this week – you’ve already met rmp792 in previous guest blogs, and heard his lovely voice reading sexy audio about such kinks as women in armour and begging. Today he’s here to give you some tips on (and a hot example of) using phone sex to connect over a distance. Your voice is one of the sexiest things about you. I’ll let him explain how you can use it to get your partner horny, even if you’re oceans apart…

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This guest blog is getting a very short and sweet introduction, namely I’m going to tell you two things. Firstly that it’s written by an excellent friend of mine who thought too little of her writing skills when she sent it to me, so I am publishing it here to show her she is good and cool and filthy in all the best ways. Secondly that this impulse fuck is exactly what the fuck I want right now. Sadly life may not deliver the reality of it, but it can certainly deliver the fantasy. Take it away, mate…

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This post was initially written with a particular guy in mind. He doesn’t read the blog, but he may at some point want an idea of how I like to get fucked, so I thought it might be hot to write him a story that I can give to him at some point. But then I ended up writing pure porn and I realised it was way too intimidating for that kind of discussion. It definitely does work for a blog post, though, because it’s filth. So here goes: what I like in bed.

We’ve banged a few times now – just enough to get to know each other a little, but not so much that I’ve exposed all the detail of the ways in which I really want you to fuck me. You see, although I know that communication is good, I also worry that if I go all-in with my comms before we’ve even fucked once, the pressure to tick everything off the list might make you feel like you’re wrangling to get the top score on Mario Kart. So I haven’t really told you this yet, I’ve just enjoyed the simple, casual fucks: the noises you make and the way you touch me and the sensation of your dick sliding in. But we’ve done it three times now, so here the fuck goes: here’s what I like in bed.

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