I had a different plan for today. I had a different blog post for today. And seriously, tune in next week on Sunday because it’s lovely – cute and uplifting and warm and happy and Stuart’s drawn a gorgeous image to go with it. I had a very different plan for today.

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Alone, I am no one and nothing. Anxious and vulnerable and desperate for love. Insecure and needy and truly, truly foolish. Left to my own devices I would probably never make difficult decisions. Let’s face it, I might not be capable of getting out of bed. But I can do even the hardest things because I have great people beside me. My people give me superpowers: you give me superpowers.

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In the last few weeks before I broke up with the love of my life, he expressed a vague desire to make a trifle. And oh God I was so excited. He told me that he wanted to make a trifle.

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A man I loved betrayed a woman I loved a long long time ago. I am still not over it, and I don’t think I ever will be. I was quite young, but it’s still raw, this feeling, still present. The anger sits just beneath the surface of who I am, stored within me like carbon crushed to coal over centuries, just waiting for a spark that will set it all on fire. Recently, a different guy betrayed another woman I love, and I felt it all again. Exactly the same: that rush of hatred. Anger. The desire to tear down walls and scream. It’s absolutely none of my business, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

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A random selection of ridiculous reasons why boys aren’t allowed to break up with me. FYI.

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