Firstly, welcome! Thank you so much for coming. Please help yourself to coffee and cake – I made three different kinds of cake because I’d like to make sure there’s something you enjoy. I admire and respect and very desperately want to impress you. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your time today, and I’ll try not to waste a single second of it, so let’s get stuck in. I’ve prepared a brief presentation on why you should let me borrow your boyfriend.

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