Firstly, welcome! Thank you so much for coming. Please help yourself to coffee and cake – I made three different kinds of cake because I’d like to make sure there’s something you enjoy. I admire and respect and very desperately want to impress you. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your time today, and I’ll try not to waste a single second of it, so let’s get stuck in. I’ve prepared a brief presentation on why you should let me borrow your boyfriend.
Slide 1: pleeeeeease?
OK so first point, I really really want to. He’s an intriguingly sexy man, and although obviously I would initially greet any kind of welcoming gesture from him with abject terror, there’s a tiny bit of me that reckons I could overcome the awkwardness because I’d really love to know if he’s any good at fingering.
So yeah. The first reason why you should let me borrow your boyfriend is the simplest and most basic: I just really want to. And I know we don’t always get what we want in life, but I also think we often miss out on things we want because we don’t ever muster the courage to ask for them. So I’m asking. Please?
Slide 2: I’ll scratch your back
I don’t expect you to simply let me borrow your boyfriend without any kind of tit-for-tat arrangement. If you could do this thing for me that I really want, one day I might be in a position to do you a favour in return. I currently know at least two men who would be well up for being borrowed if you ever fancy a threesome, and if you’re after something more, I’ll let you in on the half-finished plans for gang bang club that I’ve floated with a couple of other girlfriends.
What I’m saying is that I have men. I’m suggesting some sort of timeshare/exchange arrangement. A fully consensual one, of course: the men I’m thinking of will almost certainly get hard at the mere mention of the word ‘borrow’, then when they also see how utterly hot and incredibly cool you are, I’m pretty sure at least one of them might drown in his own spunk.
So yeah, what I’m saying here is I really want to borrow your boyfriend, and there are favours I can do in return. Name your price.
Slide 3: I promise on my honour I will bring him back unscathed
The kind of things I would like to do to your boyfriend are all nice things. While I’d definitely enjoy him scathing me if he’s up for it, I’ll return him to you without a single mark upon his person. I’ll even, if you like, avoid actually letting him come while we’re doing stuff. So you get him back full to the brim and horny and eager and ready to fall on your extremely-hot ass like a starving man on a Big Mac.
While we’re on the subject of returning him, I promise you I absolutely will. The reason I’m asking you if I can borrow your boyfriend (as opposed to just making some desperate drunken pass at him one night) is because there are no doubts whatsoever in my mind that he’s super into you. There is not a single iota of a chance that your boyfriend would ever fuck me without your permission, and if I’m honest even with your permission it’s a gamble. One I’m willing to take, if it might mean I get to find out what it’s like to make eye contact with him while he slowly slides his cock inside me, but a gamble nonetheless.
All I want is to indulge my curiosity about what it would be like to shag him, but without disrespecting you or making either of you uncomfortable. To demonstrate my commitment to this…
Slide 4: you are welcome to come along to keep an eye on us
Seriously, join in. We could tag-team suck his cock.
Slide 5: I will buy you a pint
I will buy you a pint anyway, no matter what you decide, as a respectful tribute to how awesome you are for indulging me. I am, as I say, extremely grateful to be given an audience. I respect you a lot and hope you can see this request to borrow your boyfriend as nothing more than an extremely thirsty woman trying her luck, and delivering a compliment on your impeccable taste. Your taste which is one of the many things I greatly admire and respect about you. Seriously, I think you are awesome and I don’t want to be the kind of cunt who’d cause you pain just to make my vagina marginally happier for a brief period of time. I’ve been that cunt in the past, and I’ve learned many lessons.
Not to mention that I genuinely wouldn’t want to get in the way of the clearly excellent thing that you and your boyfriend have going on. I just wondered if there was a way to approach the possibility of him briefly putting his dick in me, without me coming across as threatening to your relationship. I am not the kind of person who makes threats, but I’m not averse to the odd cheeky request.
Thank you for listening to my proposal, I appreciate your consideration even if you choose, in the end, not to let me borrow your boyfriend.
Thanks to the Smack the Pony gang for inspiring this blog post, and thanks in advance to the partners who decide to take me up on my proposal. I expect some of you are thinking ‘yeah right, GOTN, you cheeky sod – absolutely no one is going to say ‘yes’ to this.’ To which I reply: ‘oh ye of little faith.’