Tag Archives: masturbation
Butt plugs for men: questions you don’t need to ask
Top of the list of ‘things I never expected to write’: butt plugs for men. Why? Well, because we all have butts, and the things which plug them will plug them the same no matter what your gender. In the course of my everyday life, I’d be as likely to utter the phrase ‘male butt plugs’ as I would to walk up to a Starbucks counter and order a ‘female caramel latte.’
And yet…
What reddit can teach us about female masturbation
Today I learned that some women have wanked with Barbie legs. Others with mimi M+Ms tubes. Razor handles – the squishy, textured ones you get on Gillette Venus – are pretty popular too. Others have used bedposts, bottles, pillows, blankets. If you can find it in your average house, chances are someone’s rubbed it vigorously against their sexy bits.
I knew some of this already, of course: that people are ingenious when they’re horny. But when reddit asked women for the weirdest thing they’d masturbated with, the sheer variety of implements was fascinating.
Virtual reality porn: a deliciously pervy side effect
I’m going to talk more about virtual reality porn at some point. It’s a massive topic, with tonnes of scope for putting yourself in various amazing pictures, and I hope that as the tech comes down in price people will come up with yet more creative and exciting virtual reality porn scenarios. I’m secretly hoping I might be able to score work writing them, so hit me up if you’re a porn producer with a massive budget and a desire to branch out.
However. For now I want to tell you one thing that – since it was mentioned to me – has had me mesmerised with possibility:
Guys wanking while watching VR porn.
Yeah, I know. That sounds… obvious? But let me paint you a picture…
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One girl’s adventures in Cock Hero
Long-time readers will remember that a few months ago I got very excited by the concept of a Guitar Hero style game, but for wanking. It’s called Cock Hero, and the gentleman who discovered the idea and sent it to me very kindly gave me an in-depth explanation of what Cock Hero is, and why it is so fucking horny.
Essentially you masturbate in time to a beat, along to a montage of porn put together specifically to challenge you. It begins fairly softcore, and the beat counter at the bottom of the screen directs you in slow, occasional strokes. Then as the game progresses, the porn gets more intense and the beat counter speeds up, whipping you into a rhythmic frenzy until it’s all you can do to hold back on the inevitable jizzsplosion.
Naturally I was intrigued, and I have spent the next few months getting involved in Cock Hero on a casual gaming basis, because I like playing with dicks and I am lucky enough to know a guy who’ll let me have a go on his in the name of Friday-night fun. I thought I’d give you a run-down of my own tips and hacks, in case you fancy playing yourself. It is probably the niche-est article I have ever written, and it may only be of interest to me, so I have tried to spice it up with some detailed descriptions of wanking people off.
Ready? Let’s go.
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My clit is broken and I’m not happy about it
I have broken my clit on numerous occasions in the past. Usually due to excessive masturbation or obsession over a new sex toy that has led it to go sore and numb and good for nothing. Now, however, my clit is broken for a disturbing Other Reason, and that is that I have not wanked for over a week.
I KNOW.
Over Christmas, circumstances conspired to mean it was pretty much impossible for me to masturbate. Visiting family, stress, the stress of visiting family: these things don’t just add up, they multiply, and leave me totally unable to wank.
Hence: my clit is broken.