I love poetry, and especially sexy poetry, so I was over the moon when Lexy – who runs the Lexy Experiment Tumblr (NSFW) – got in touch with me to offer this fantastic piece. It’s sexy and wistful and gorgeous, and I hope you love it as much as I do. If you’re a poet too, please do feel free to pitch me a guest poem!
This year, for the first time in a long time, I am not going to visit family. I’ll miss them, because my family are amazing. But there are up-sides: I won’t spend hundreds of pounds on train fares lugging a backpack full of presents all around the country. I won’t have to have the super-quiet sex on put-up beds in people’s lounges. I won’t have to smile politely at racist elderly aunts, and I can say ‘fuck’ if I want without scaring the children.
So here’s a Christmas poem for grown-ups.
As ever when I roll out some dirty poetry, I’m going to ask you to be gentle because I don’t really know what the fuck I’m doing. But I wrote a sexy poem, about sex and aging. Two things that are not incompatible. I suck at poetry titles, so feel free to suggest one in the comments. And I suck at poetry too, it’s just that sometimes I like the rhythm of it to make a point or turn a dirty phrase.
GOTN is on holiday until next week. In her absence, please enjoy this poem which she started writing in a workshop ages ago, then added some bits to, then read at the SheVibe bawdy poetry slam during The Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit.
As with everything Woodhull-related, it would not exist without Doxy, who not only make my favourite ever sex toy, they also sponsored me to go, so please show them lots of love. I suggest following them on twitter and .@-ing them with a message of intense affection such as ‘you make my life complete’ or ‘I cannot imagine a future without you.’ If enough of you do it then it will simultaneously delight and confuse the hell out of them.
UPDATE: the wonderful @ninjasexology has added some new verses to the poem – in italics below and they’re AMAZING. You should check out her wonderful blog, where she showcases her collection of utterly incredible, often very girthy, and always imaginative dildos.
If you’re better at titles than GOTN is, feel free to suggest one in the comments.