Some kinks my partner and I do because they come naturally to us – all we need is to hear about them, see them in porn, or get flashes of them in our minds when we’re wanking ourselves to sleep at night, and our guts lurch with a desire that screams “Yes! This one’s for us!” But there are others that take time to consider, or to practise, or to fully understand. To shamelessly paraphrase Kennedy: some kinks we choose to do not because they are easy, but because they are hard.
Occasionally people email me to ask for swinger or fetish club recommendations. This is a problem because, well… my experience is wildly out of date. I used to go fairly regularly with my ex, then when we split up I struggled to find other people to go with, and nowadays I prefer to avoid the complicated dress codes and just stay home in my jeans. So when Zak Jane Keir (erotic author and contributor to the amazing Eroticon anthology) offered a guest blog with some tips on making the most of your night in a fetish club, I nearly bit her hand off. So if you’re planning a trip to a fetish club any time soon, here are her tips on how to have the best night…
I don’t always know what I’ll find sexy – it’s all about having the right mix of kinks and quirks and attitude. While there are some people who I can immediately identify as ‘my type‘, it’s often hard to pin down in advance what I’ll find sexy.
So when people imply there is a universal yardstick against which we measure ‘hotness’, I’m forced to question whether they even understand what makes something sexy.
This post is based on a true story, but names have been changed for anonymity. If you think you recognise anyone in this story (or any guest blogs) please keep it to yourself.
Someone on Twitter has pointed out that this blog is quite disturbing/triggering, because there is an element of non-consent/coercion. Please be aware of this before you start reading. If you’d like any reassurance, know that I am absolutely fine, and this swingers’ club trip happened a long time ago – both me and the guy I went with discussed it afterwards in detail, and established some of our own rules of engagement to go along with the standard swingers club rules, so we could both have a sexier time.