There’s one word no one’s ever used to describe me. Well, OK there are probably plenty. No one’s ever described me as ‘svelte’ or ‘pious’, after all. I’ve never heard ‘classy’ except through a thick layer of sarcasm, while I’m in the throes of strawpedo-ing a bottle of Lambrini. But the particular word I’m thinking of is something I have always wanted to be. I’ve longed for it, yearned for it, aspired to become it, and spent my whole life failing. Until recently.

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Let’s start with the obvious: hard and heavy and thick and copious, deep down the back of my throat. After a few rounds of me teasing you with my lips and tongue and hands and spit and all the bells and whistles. Building you up and up and up in time to the music, then letting you plateau for a while in that moment, on the beat, with movements that are almost-but-not-quite fast or forceful enough to tip you over the edge. Once, twice, then three times before you ask me: “Do you want my cum? Are you ready for my cum?” and I mumble my assent through a mouthful of dick with eyes that flash ‘yes please’, so you let go. Pumping it – like I said – hard and heavy and thick and copious. Right down my throat so I almost gag and choke. But instead of gagging, I make a point of guzzling. One big, hard swallow with an almost cartoonish gulp, amplified so you can hear. Then another one, just in case you didn’t.

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Are you looking for a long term relationship? Here’s the one question you should ask of everyone you date. It’s going to sound weirdly specific, and has little to do with compatibility or shared interests or personality matching, but bear with me please because I think it’s worth it. The question you should ask of everyone you date is: would you come to Moorfield’s eye hospital with me at five o’clock in the morning?

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I know it’s a cliche when people share a post and just say ‘THIS’, but holy shit – THIS. When @thatdocphoenix sent this guest blog over to me it fully took my breath away. The totalising fuck that he describes in this piece is what sex is, to me. What sex is about, what it’s for, and why we do it. This. A million times, THIS.

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I don’t get to publish enough on this blog about breeding – until relatively recently, it wasn’t a kink that I shared. But as time goes on I collect more kinks (like Pokémon, one day I hope to catch ’em all) and the more I read about breeding the more I find myself drawn in. There’s something quite primal about pregnancy. I think so, at any rate. As does this week’s guest blogger, who is here with a fabulous explanation of why – despite being resolutely childfree – his vasectomy still gave him some feelings around abandoning the possibility of having sex with someone who’s pregnant…

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