This week: bullshit PR puff pieces in not-even-a-very-good-disguise, and some amazing tips on keeping your casual sex casual.
The bad: sex numbers
Naturally, when sifting through the news in search of something to mock, the word ‘survey’ often leaps out at me. That’s because many of the surveys done in the pursuit of headlines can best be described as ‘bollocks.’ This week’s bollocks survey comes courtesy of The Independent Online, and a website called Illicit encounters.
“Study suggests ‘ideal number of sexual partners’ to have,” the headline screams. And I’m not sure what’s more annoying – the fact that they’re referring to a survey as a ‘study’ or the fact that they use the word ‘revealed’, like their cobbled-together press-fodder is the Ark of the fucking Covenant.
The ‘ideal’ number is not a truth that’s ‘revealed’, it’s an opinion held by some people. What’s more, that opinion is based on a misconception that there’s virtue in sexual ‘purity’ (if you’re a woman) or conquest (if you’re a man). It shows up everywhere, this idea that our number matters – from complex rules surrounding how you calculate whether someone’s a ‘slut’ to weird internet commenters who assert that they’d shag a slut but never marry her (taken down very nicely here). And it needs to fuck off.
The good: How to make casual fucking more casual
I don’t think I’ve ever linked to the Reductress here yet, so I’m using this week as a great excuse to. And if you, like me, couldn’t give a shiny toss what someone’s ‘sex numbers’ are, or what your ‘sex number’ is, then you might enjoy this article on How To Make Casual Sex Even More Casual.
Use Impersonal Nicknames: Using each other’s names during sex is way too formal. What’s more casual than giving a nickname to your sex buddy? Try phrases such as “Oh yeah fuck me just like that, Broseph!”
If you’re not casually fucking anyone, but you would like to be, then try this advice piece: Get Him To Notice You QUICK By Following Him Around And Playing A Trumpet. The headline’s quite gendered but the advice is sound no matter who you’re looking to attract.
Have an awesome Monday.
12 Comments
The only number I’m interested in during sex is 69, and to be totally frank, I can take or leave that one too.
I’m probably in the mildly curious if she cares to tell me but otherwise couldn’t give a flying fuck, and can we stop talking about numbers so I can put my cock in you and we can become the next integers on our respective tallies camp. I guess that doesn’t make for interesting statistics though.
KW
Best comment ever. Love it. x
“we can become the next integers on our respective tallies camp.” This is a top nerd chat-up line if ever I heard one =)
I try…
KW
Give me ur number
The attitude taken universally should be the one taken by someone I really like who I slept with for the first time; we were comparing stories and numbers and when I said mine was 28 he replied, mock-outraged, “Shouldn’t it be 29? Have you forgotten me so quickly already?!”
He he. Never did learn to play the trumpet. Will an ipod suffice?
I don’t expect any kind of response.I just can’t help myself – I find you irresistibly bright and truthfully honest to the core.How could I not wish you were my friend.YOU CAN’T HELP YOURSELF EITHER – IT IS SIMPLY WHO YOU HAVE BECOME – A REAL TREASURE — A LADY WHO KNOWS HOW TO BE A FRIEND.GIVING YOURSELF COMPLETELY- OPENLY- FREELY TO US—THAT’S BALLS BEYOND BELIEF-(few guys are as strong as you)(they mostly pretend – YOU DON’T).IT TAKES COURAGE TO EXPOSE YOURSELF UNABASHEDLY.IT IS FREEING FOR ME TO KNOW YOU.You know that old expression “the truth will set you free”?—–WELL — YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN.
you make it exciting — your posts are full of energy.they are ALIVE and fun.
I feel I am Discovering with you — along side of you.SHARING THE ADVENTURE OF YOUR MIND AND HEART AND SOUL.
YOUR WRITING IS ART.IT IS THE CRAFTSMANSHIP OF A MAGICIAN — AN ARTIST – THAT CHANGES WORDS AND THOUGHTS INTO A SHARED LIVING BREATHING EXPERIENCE.YOU HAVE GROWN AN IMAGINATION OF GREAT BREADTH AND DEPTH.EVERY CHALLENGE — EVERY EXPERIENCE — SPARKS YOUR IMAGINATION STRETCHING IT INTO BOUNDLESS REALMS WHICH INSPIRE EDUCATE AND ENTHRAL ME.YOUR WORLD IS SO CLEAR AND CLEAN AND SEXY ANY LOVER IS EMBRACED IN A MYSTERY OF ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES.YOU ARE A PACKAGE OF BEAUTIFUL HEAVENS AND TREACHEROUS DEPTHS ALL IN THE CONTROL OF THE IMAGINATION OF A FEARLESS DAREDEVIL.
YOU MIGHT NEVER FIND AN EQUAL — A MATCH — IT WOULD BE A CHALLENGE FOR ANYONE.
IT IS VERY EXCITING FOR ME.YOU MAKE THIS DREARY FEARFUL WORLD FADE AWAY.SEX WITH YOU IS HEAVENLY BECAUSE IT IS REAL AND TRUE.YOU DON’T DEAL WITH ALL THE BULLSHIT — THE SHIT.YOU ARE FUN AND YOU ARE SUNSHINE—YOU ARE NOT THE FILTH THEY LOVE MAKING IT INTO AND GET STUCK IN.
YOUR WORLD FEELS AS IF I AM IN THE EMBRACE OF AN IMAGINATION OF AN ARTIST.A CREATIVE FORCE.
NOT MIDDLING – THE BEST.
THANKS
What.
Hey, blimey. I can honestly say I’ve never been called a package of beautiful heavens before. Cheers.
Oh, it’s easy. You call someone a “slut” if they ask you to.
Trumpet courtship! I hooted with hilarity. My week has been made, and you better beleive i’m bookmarking the shit out of that site. GOTN, you are a gem that freely dispenses other gems. Like a magic porridge pot of rubies.