Someone found my blog the other day by searching ‘first time anal.’ It’s quite common, this ‘first time’ thing, and it comes up a lot in search. ‘My first anal’ or ‘her first facefuck’, like someone’s researching an incredibly explicit series of picture books. Anyway, the search prompted me to think about first times, and it occurred to me that while there are a few first times in my book, I’ve not actually written about ‘my first anal fuck’ before. Mainly because… well… it wasn’t particularly sexy.
The first time I had anal sex was down to 50% curiosity (me) and 50% ‘you’re on your period so how about we…?’ (him). Please forgive him for this – we were both young and silly, and he was still getting over the slight horror that came from discovering that menstrual blood sometimes has chunks in. If I met a guy these days who assumed that buttsex was the only possible option while I was bleeding, I would kick him out on his arse, but back then it was not considered weird for him to ask, and I think he was bored of me practising blow jobs.
Besides, I was very keen on the idea. I was still in the kid-in-a-sweetshop phase of sex, wanting to try every new thing I’d heard of to see if it worked for me.
Just writing that seems a bit strange, because now anal is one of my favourite things. So what went wrong?
We did all the right things to start:
- Plenty of lube
- Taking things slowly
- Pushing a laundry chest against the bedroom door in case someone walked in halfway through
And still the experience was a bit ‘meh.’
He trembled with adorable nerves as he slathered about half a bottle of lube on his dick. I lay face-down on the bed and breathed like I was doing yoga, in a misplaced attempt to avoid getting tense. Forgetting, obviously, that I am such a stressy person that any kind of meditative breathing is more likely to make me panic than prevent me from it.
And then he fucked me.
“Is that OK?”
“Up a bit.”
“No, like… hmm. Angle it up a bit?”
“Yeah. Maybe ten degrees more?”
I hadn’t yet learned that the easiest way to get it in with anal is to let the person receiving push back, but we squashed it in eventually, and after a few strokes, a couple of gasps, and a comment about how tight it was, he came.
That is probably the least sexy sex scene I’ve ever written, and I think the reason highlights what I actually find sexy about any fuck I genuinely love. The filthy posts which really do it for me are less about the act (‘first time anal’ being, as it is, a very popular topic) and way more about the effect it has on who I’m with.
What makes anal sex hot?
When I have anal sex now, the thing that differentiates it from a cuntfuck is that it’s a bit dirty and taboo. That it’s non-standard. It’s… although I hate the word… ‘special.’ It might be special because it fits a specific mood, or because we haven’t done it for a while, or because me begging him to put it in my ass makes him diamond-hard in seconds. Whatever the reason, though, it’s about the atmosphere.
Perhaps that’s why ‘first time’ searches are so popular – there’s a perceived atmosphere to the ‘first time’ you do anything that in itself can be super-hot. The combination of nerves, excitement and curiosity turns a particular sex act into a treat.
Sadly that first time, with my first boyfriend, the atmosphere was one of vague curiosity and casual entitlement. He wanted to fuck me in the ass simply because he wanted a fuck. Any fuck would do. His dick was hard anyway and he just wanted to come. So anal wasn’t special, it was just a means to an end.
Contrast that with the guy who grabs my hair, pushes his dick up against me, and tells me he really really wants to fuck me in the ass… the one who gets harder pushing a butt plug in because he knows that next up it’s his dick… the bloke who makes a muffled grunt of horny delight when I push myself back onto his lubed-up cock… it’s quite a difference.
I don’t want to say that anal sex is hotter if the guy who’s fucking me is ‘grateful’ – gratitude isn’t the right word, because it implies I’m doing it as a favour. But when I try and work out what made that first time rubbish and subsequent times brilliant, enthusiasm is definitely a key factor. Anal is a bit tricky for me – especially if you’ve got a thick cock. I need to be calm, I need to concentrate, and I usually need to get into exactly the right position. I need to feel like what I’m doing is out of the ordinary – both in the way I do it and the way you react. If we start getting ready for a hard ass fuck, I can tell from the minute you start slathering lube on your dick whether it’s something I can take or leave. From the width of your smile or the noises you make, or the speed with which you flip me over and bite my neck.
So it’s not ‘gratitude’, as such, but maybe ‘special.’ Or ‘different.’ Or ‘out of the ordinary.’ Maybe that’s why ‘first time’ searches are so popular – it’s the uniqueness of a particular act that they’re trying to tap into. Whether it’s the first time, the fifth time, or the hundredth time, some fucks are hotter if we see them as a treat.