All Posts – Page 5

The horny slut’s roadmap out of lockdown

The UK Government has announced its roadmap out of lockdown, and although the government has been as bad at acknowledging sex as it has been good at handing expensive contracts to its incompetent mates, I’m here to help with a brief guide to what the lockdown roadmap means for slags.

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In which he makes me say ‘please’

He’s really cool, of course. Sweet and thoughtful and politically angry in good ways, not to mention kind and fun. He’s an excellent cook and he has lovely hands and he sometimes picks me up which makes me squirm. But I think, if pressed, what I like best about him at this very moment is that sometimes he makes me say ‘please.’

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Guest blog: The first time I tasted my own spunk

As a connoisseur of jizz, I am always intrigued by what jizzers think of their own ejaculate. Some of the guys I’ve been with have been very happy indeed to taste their own spunk during a post-blowjob kiss, while others seem a bit unsure of it. So when today’s guest blogger got in touch to offer a post about the first time he tasted his own spunk, naturally I was very excited to hear from someone who could give a personal opinion on their own unique emissions. Also, you know, it’s really really hot to read about people tasting their own jizz. I assume you agree, or you probably wouldn’t be here. Take it away, Mr Big…

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This is not why we broke up

It wasn’t that my body was wrong, for a start. Over the course of our relationship I changed a lot – sometimes I looked fucking spectacular and other times I looked crap. Same with him. I fancied the fuck out of him, always, regardless of what shape or size his body was or how he’d chosen to dress it today. We lived, we grew, we changed: our bodies could never have been the reason why we broke up.

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Sleep is sacred: don’t touch me in bed

There’s a question on OKCupid along the lines of ‘how do you prefer to sleep with a partner?’ – to check whether you like sleeping in your own space in the bed, or entwined with the other person like a pair of humping snakes. I am very much of the opinion that sleep is sacred, and if you try to hug me when it’s bedtime I am liable to genuinely cry. I’m not saying ‘don’t touch me in bed’, because sometimes we’re gonna want to fuck. But if sleep is top of the agenda, I cannot stress this enough: get off me.

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