I’ve got a bunch of Godemiche wand heads that I’ve been meaning to write about for a while. Don’t ask me how long, it’s genuinely embarrassing how much time it has taken me to write up this not-a-review. I’ve had a pack of colourful heads sitting on my bedroom floor just itching to be opened and used, but because I had a selection of different types and textures, I wanted to have a go at using all of them a few times so I could work out how best to describe what exactly they do. It’s complicated, fun, and requires a little (OK, a lot) of explanation about different types of clitoral stimulation.

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Sinful Sunday is all about the image. It’s a fantastic, sexy photography project that inspires people to take their own beautiful photos (usually, though not always, of themselves or other people naked) and share them each week. It is hosted (and run) by my good friend and sex blogging hero – the kickass photographer who started it all: Molly Moore. And it has now been running continuously for 700 weeks!

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I’m such a sucker for anticipation and build-up, so when the fabulous SymTrkl (who has written here beautifully before about gender-affirming ways to fuck) pitched me a post combining aching anticipation with a hands-free orgasm I was absolutely over the moon. She writes with such warmth and affection, while also making this whole story exquisitely horny. Huge thanks to her for this gorgeous piece.

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I’m not entirely sure how I’d sum up my brand of writing, but whatever my ‘style’ is, it’s pretty far from ‘a whimsical 2000 word tentacle porn story’. Nevertheless, that’s what you’re getting today. The following is something I wrote in 2020 after a Zoom call with Patreons where they gave me prompts for erotic stories by suggesting a name/kink/location/object that I had to work into a piece of erotic fiction. I find these stories challenging (in a fun way), because it’s good to push myself sometimes to think about stuff I wouldn’t normally get horny for. You can find some of the improv erotica stories here on the site for free, and even more improv erotica on Patreon if you’d like to join. But if you just want to read a whimsical 2000-word tentacle porn story that I think might own the title of ‘most challenging thing I’ve ever written’, then hoo boy are you in luck.

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Ride of the Valkyries makes it in, obviously, as does Night On Bare Mountain, but Oh Fortuna is far too funny and Pachelbel’s Canon too soft. We’re sitting on the sofa skimming through a Spotify list of ‘Top 100 Classical Music Bangers’ and, of course, selecting which ones we will fuck to.

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