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On the sexiest jobs

All the sexy firemen, stripping police officers and naughty nurses leave me cold. I understand why uniforms are hot, but the idea that someone who has one of these jobs is necessarily hot just because they wear a uniform that is in some way vaguely similar to something you can buy in Ann Summers is frustrating and bizarre.

Some nurses are hot. Some firemen are hot. But the qualities of the sexiest jobs have, in my opinion, very little to do with the uniform. I say this because I fancy computer programmers – boys whose ‘uniform’ consists mostly of scrubby jeans and a coffee-stained hoodie. I cannot get enough of them.

It’s not a fetish in the strictest sense of the word (I have successfully orgasmed with men who wouldn’t know their YAML from their ‘oh no seriously now I’m going to have to Google YAML so I don’t look stupid.’), but it’s certainly a bit more than an itch that occasionally requires scratching.

What’s so sexy about programmers? Well, their quick fingers, for one – typing frantically into the mysterious Matrix-like black box with the same intense focus as a boy playing a particularly tricky Xbox game.

Then there’s the mystery itself: I have no sodding clue what they’re doing. The brackets and squiggles and dots mean about as much to me as the Chinese alphabet, and they are all the sexier for it.

Finally, there’s the brains. Ah, brains. The most desirable thing about a human, not just according to zombies but to other humans too. Not everyone has them but the majority of people like them, don’t they? I’ve never heard someone saying, of a potential squeeze: “Well, he’s lovely, but he’d be lovelier if he was as dumb as a bag of bricks.” Or “she’s hot, I just wish she didn’t know her 13 times table.”

Universal hotness

I think you might agree with me on at least one of the above points. You might not get wet at the thought of male programmers (and even if you did you’d have to step back and sit on your hands because I think you’ll find they’re all mine), but the hands-mystery-brains trilogy is surely common in many people’s lusts.

To experiment (like they do in science, only involving far less peer-review and a hell of a lot more cider) I asked the good folk of Twitter what they thought were the sexiest jobs. Here is but a tiny selection of their answers:

Hands-related jobs

Bass players and guitarists were the most popular, which explains why they get so many groupies and dribbling, wide-eyed fans. Lots of people suggested something along these lines, or other jobs that involved strong or dextrous hands – clearly from the ‘quick fingers’ school of arousal, and I cannot possibly argue.


Mystery-related jobs

Onto mystery, and despite the diverse offerings here, I maintain that much of what’s sexy in this stuff is the mysterious nature of it. I find all of the following occupations hot, not because they are sexy per se, but because I know nothing about them, and so the idea of having a guy teach me how to do them, with gentle patience and occasional discipline, slicks my knickers like butter in the microwave.


Brains-related jobs

Quite a few people gave very brains/ideas-focused offerings.

I particularly liked the lady who was so into brains, and also in such a kickass-brainy job that she aroused even herself:

I wish this could happen to me. Sadly all of my self-arousal relies on ‘quick-fingers’ style hotness.

Anyway, I reckon my hands-mystery-brains trilogy covers off pretty much all of the things for which I could gain an immediate and shallow attraction to someone, and it has the added bonus that I think most people would identify with at least one of those things.

Even if you don’t fancy musicians, if you like the quick-hands of coders you can probably appreciate why someone else would want to lick a cellist. Even if barristers aren’t your thing, your penchant for brains might make you moon over a mathematician. And as for the mystery, well – who doesn’t fancy fucking Batman?

Hands. Mystery. Brains. Did I forget anything?

Oh yeah, one more, which was actually more popular than any of the categories my rubbish brain came up with on its own: passion.


  • Stephen R says:

    No love for writers? Twitter, I am disappointed.

    Also, crying into a tub of Ben and Jerry’s. But let’s focus on disappointed for now…

    • Girl on the net says:

      Ah, don’t worry – writers got their fair share of love too. They fit into the ‘hands’ and ‘brains’ categories. Also, depending on the type of writer and the person who fancies them, ‘mystery’ as well. =)

  • Lynn says:

    The attraction of firemen for me is not the uniform but the fact that they are tall, strong and heroic with lovely muscular arms. Not that my independent, feminist brain approves of my libido’s choice at all, mind you!

    But what has kept me attracted to the man, besides his brains, is his sense of humour and his ability not to take himself too seriously. Although his penchant for terrible puns can be a bit wearing!

    I am quite astonished that you say:

    “I’ve never heard someone saying … “she’s hot, I just wish she didn’t know her 13 times table.” ”


    I can’t count the number of guys who lost interest when I said something that made them realise I was probably more intelligent than them!

    BTW You do realise you have left yourself open for loads of nerdy comments along the lines of “zombies don’t actually eat brains” don’t you? I was suffered through a 15 minute rant in the pub on exactly that topic!

    • Yes. I used to work with a bunch of techies (and am one myself) and was once astounded to hear one of them say that he didn’t want a smart girlfriend. Because what would that do for him?

      I am still boggled, over 15 years later…

      • Lynn says:

        I’m never sure if it’s lack of self-confidence or just cognitive dissonance because, you know “How could a girl possibly be cleverer than a man?”

        During a field trip as part of my degree a lad basically told me that as a girl I was too stupid to use the theodolite and I should just hold the reflector whilst sinking up to my knees in the muddy quagmire that purports to be land in the Isle of Man (Ugh! God forsaken place!).

        Needless to say he was the one who ended up in the mud.

    • Girl on the net says:

      I didn’t know the zombie thing – I am ashamed. =(

      The ‘clever girls’ thing – I’ve actually never heard a real person say this. I have occasionally seen guys step slowly away from a woman if she’s demonstrably funnier than them – more rants to be had on this subject at a later date, I reckon – but as far as intelligence goes, perhaps my circle has just been too limited to see this first-hand.

      I suspect there are people for whom attraction depends on a certain amount of intellectual disparity, and the idea that someone would refuse to date someone else because they perceived them as more intelligent than them is a bit depressing. I can see myself possibly not wanting to date someone who was so stratospherically above my own IQ that we’d have little to talk about and I’d find myself feeling like a dunce, but ideally I want to date someone who is equally intelligent, or more intelligent, but with knowledge in a different field (such as the knowledge that zombies don’t actually eat brains).

      There’s something very satisfying about beating your partner in a debate, and that becomes even more satisfying if you know, deep down, that they’re a bit cleverer than you are and you really had to work for it =)

      • Lynn says:

        Oh God! The man has just read the comments and informed me that zombies ate brains in George Romero’s classic 1968 film ‘Night of the Living Dead’. He just rolled his eyes when I said ‘George who?’

        Well I wish I’d known that when I was being ranted at in the pub!

        I asked him if he thought I was stratospherically more intelligent than him and he just laughed. He also said his puns are incredibly witty not terrible, but he’s wrong.

        I’m quite pleased you’ve never met a guy who’s intimidated by clever girls. Perhaps things are slowly changing.

        Mind you I also met plenty of middle-class southerners at uni who assumed I was thick because I had a scouse accent, but that’s a whole other rant.

  • Toni says:

    I had a very similar conversation with some female friends recently and guys who worked with their hands or had ‘dextrous’ fingers were definitely topping the list. IT guys and especially Devs were mentioned more than once if a very positive way.


  • streaky says:

    Writing code isn’t so much about the fast fingers as about what’s going on up top. Actually as it goes just pounding out code (which almost anybody can do) is generally frowned upon, if you don’t work in the world of Agile. The fast typing thing is a secretary =)

    Also women always say “I want smart/funny” but we all know (most) women in reality want beefcake and, I quote, “dumb as a bag of bricks” which lets face it – most men are.

    • Girl on the net says:

      Most women in reality want beefcake? I disagree – people’s tastes are infinitely varied. Although many women do want ‘beefcake’ (which, incidentally, sounds like a horribly grotesque word, especially post-horsemeat scandal!) I’d hazard a guess that it’s not top of most of their priority lists. What’s more, some girls (i.e. me) prefer our guys either lithe and skinny (like a sexy skateboarder… mmm…) or overweight enough that they provide a hefty and satisfying fuck.

    • Charlotte says:

      Wow. Stereotyping at it’s finest.

  • Ezequiel says:

    Personally, I love me a brainy woman. Of course, dark or red hair helps (sorry, blondes).

    I have never understood guys who wanted a girl who was dumber than them. Smart women have always fascinated me. Talk about mystery… the things that go on in a smart woman’s head are worth trying to figure out.

    Add to that the fact that intelligent women are usually better at expressing themselves (verbally, to men, with less sub-textual conversation), and are more likely to actually tell you what they want from you, and we have a winner!

    So yeah, looks are fine and all. But, when a woman can code, design, out-math me (this isn’t difficult), or defend her choice of fiction, I will fucking swoon.

  • Alex says:

    Just like Batman always wusses out rather than kill mass-murdering psychopaths like the Joker, so he generally seems to have ‘relationships’ (both as Batman and as Bruce Wayne) where he bails on Catwoman/the latest socialite beauty before anything actually happens. Now, the Shadow – he’d get the job done right.

  • drsnooks says:

    As someone who started coding at age 8, playing guitar at 13 and bass at 14, but had to wait an awful lot longer for any female attention, you have no idea how happy this post makes me!

  • Dumb Domme says:

    It’s passion and expertise, for me. A potential partner can be a teacher, artist, tailor, repair technician, athlete, or chemist — it doesn’t matter a lick to me. I’m turned on by the passion she or he has for their position, their immersion in something important and useful, and their ability to interest and engage me in the same.

    Except for the corn farmer I dated when I lived in the midwest U.S. for a short spell… his passion for planting seasons, rainfall, and yields were lost on me. He did look absolutely adorable in overalls, though…

  • Lee says:

    The blogchat just glanced at a huge key fact about “sexy”. The largest erogenous organ in your body isn’t your genitals, your nipples, or even your lips.


    Its your Brain.

    The seat of your conscious mind.

    Sure, we’re stimulating the body, yes, but those sensations go to the brain.

    Sexy isn’t a body part, it’s an *idea*

    Yes. I’m a programmer. Down, GOTN, cos I’m a @creakyoldgoat too.

    It’s not a fingers thing, its a brain thing. Though one lady did tell me I had magic hands. I was delighted they pleased her. That was idea ;)

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