Category Archives: Filthy ones

On number 9

“She fancies you.”
“No she doesn’t.”
“She does.”
“She definitely doesn’t.”
“You should fuck her.”
“But I’m not even bi.”
“But you fancy her.”
“Fuck her.”


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On piss

This picture was taken in the shower, not while squatting under the urinal queue at a Wetherspoons. Apparently that's illegal or something. If you’re reading this hoping for some lurid and detailed description of a time when I writhed naked with a dude on a hotel bathroom floor, having sex that culminated in me squatting over his face and urinating directly into his mouth, you’ll be sorely disappointed: I want to talk about boys pissing on girls.

Why is it hot when boys piss? If you even have to ask this I’m not sure you’ve understood the concept. Here’s the breakdown:

Boys. Boys with their cocks out. Boys with their cocks out, gripping them in their hands. Boys with a burning need to let go, to feel the relief as strong rivers of piss gush out of their cock which, by the way, they’re holding. Boys doing something raw and primal and urgent. Something solo, something dirty. Oh, and did I mention that while they’re doing it they’re holding their dick?


I know some people aren’t into what I’m reluctantly going to call “watersports”, but if you’re intrigued I want to persuade you to try it. Here are just three reasons why you should let – sorry, beg – guys to piss on you.

It’s like jizzing on me, but more so

I love it when guys come all over me. Spunk is brilliantly sexy – it’s not just that it’s a release of sexual tension – it’s a visible, physical release. Spurts of it.

There is something deeply satisfying about a guy who can achieve this with spectacular volume. I have been known to ask boys to refrain from wanking before they see me so they can build up enough that I get wide-eyed and slick. Enough that it covers me – thick ropes of spunk that paint me from neck to navel. Enough that I can rub my hands in it and feel dirty. Enough that I need to change the bedsheets.

But you know what has more volume than spunk? Piss. Pints of it. Gushing, hot pints of it – more than enough to make someone feel used and dirty. Enough that they can’t escape the trickles and warmth and smell of it.

And piss doesn’t just take the prize for volume either – it also has a deeply satisfying force. You can feel it when a guy comes hard – you can feel the power with which his dick spits spunk onto you, or into you. And that force, even at its strongest and most satisfying, doesn’t come close to the punishing strength of his piss.

It’s utterly disgusting

Look at you, you filthy bitch – you just let a guy piss all over you. He held his cock in one hand and your hair in the other and aimed torrents of piss directly at your exposed neck. You could feel it rushing down your body in a hot waterfall. You can still feel it all over your tits – hot and wet and disgusting. The shame.

You’ll do anything, won’t you? Sat there in his filth as he holds his cock over you pondering what to do to you now. You’ve let him piss on you, what’s next? Are you going to let him bend you over the edge of the bath and shove his cock into your ass, grunting with lustful exertion as he fills you up with spunk?

You might as well, you slut. He can do whatever he wants to you now – you’ve already let him humiliate you. Ruin you. Defile you. Piss on you.

It sort of hurts the guy a bit

I have it on good authority that it’s hard to piss with an erection. And what’s even hotter than a guy pissing on you is a guy forcing himself to piss with a semi-erect cock, struggling with the dilemma of wanting to fuck you and defile you at the same time.

A guy who wants to do both so badly that it hurts. I love to see a guy wincing and moaning as he lets go, the urgent desire to piss conflicting with a need to rub his cock – to touch it and let go his other side and come all over my face. Two burning, angry needs that conflict so happily, with such gut-wrenching lustful force that he’s willing to actually hurt to fulfil one of them.

It means I get to watch his slightly tormented face as he pushes to let go – to force out that hot stream of piss and humiliation. He wants to see me looking ashamed of myself as it hits my face and rushes down all over my tits. It hurts him to piss while he’s hard, but he wants to hurt me even more than that. To watch me cringe with self loathing, moaning and wet and horny as I battle the pairing of lust and disgust.

Oh, and did I mention that he’s holding his dick?


On buttsex

UPDATE 2018: The story I tell here is something that I found deeply hot and that was 100% consensual and happened with a guy I trust very much. We have a dynamic that includes some consensual non-consent (i.e. pretending that I don’t want something even if I do), and as a result we have very specific ways in which I’ll let him know if something is genuinely not what I want). Essentially, saying ‘no’ in a voice that sounds like ‘yes.’ However, this blog post was written a long time ago when I didn’t know how to explain that very well, and as a consequence lots of people thought it was disturbing or genuinely non-consensual. 

If you enjoy consensual non-consent, you might enjoy this post. If you don’t, please don’t read on. 


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On porn

I am told that in certain circumstances underboob definitely counts as pornIt’s brilliant. Can I leave it at that? No, I guess not – it’s complicated.

Please assume when I’m talking about porn and singing its sweaty, jizz-splattered praises, I’m talking about porn in which the people are consenting, well paid (if it’s professional), well looked after, etc. Of course you can never fully know this. Even a lot of amateur porn sometimes gives me nervous thoughts if I realise it could have been filmed secretly or uploaded without all participants giving consent.

But perhaps this is a discussion for another day.

For now let’s just talk about why its brilliant. I’m a big fan of imagination, and I like to think that my own is, if not great, then at least capable of furnishing me with enough scenarios to keep me happily wanking for the rest of my life, with only occasional breaks to drink gin and eat crisps.

However, it’s nice to look at someone else’s imagination now and then. Apart from giving me some nice stuff to wank to, porn has also improved my life in a number of excellent ways.

Porn inspires me to try new things

Some things I do by instinct – mostly submissive stuff. No one needs to show me a video of a girl crying while she gets throat-fucked to tell me that, you know, it’s spectacularly hot.

But most of the dominant things I do I learned by watching porn. I’m not naturally the sort of person who would put nipple clamps on a guy, make him take the chain in his mouth, then ride him while he squealed in agony. Likewise, why would I instinctively tie something tight around a guy’s cock and balls so it throbbed and ached while I wanked him to the brink of coming, over and over again, until he cried?

These are things I learnt from porn. And now that I have seen them, not only have I done them and enjoyed it – I’ve also been tempted to try out more new things. Some of them hit, some of them missed, and some of them have blown my mind.

It gets boys in the mood

Believe it or not, guys aren’t always up for a fuck. Sometimes they’re tired or drunk or hungover or stressed or in the middle of rolling a joint or writing an essay. And in these situations, it is always worth picking one of your favourite videos and putting it in his line of sight. Sometimes he’ll ignore it, or shout “woman, you will be the fucking death of me” but sometimes it’ll work.

On a good day he’ll catch on to exactly what you want him to do and you can watch his dick grow hard through his jeans until it’s solid enough for you to sit on. Porn did that. Way to go, porn.

Porn’s good for hinting

Ever had sex and wished they’d fuck you just that little bit harder? Want to find out what buttsex is like but too nervous to ask? Got a thing for pissing into a cup then forcing your partner to drink it? Or soaping your girl up, pushing a shower hose into her cunt and watching her squirm as she comes in the bath?

These can all be difficult subjects to broach, especially if your sex life is reasonably vanilla. So porn can be a great way to test the waters of something before you leap in with it. Send someone a video with a teasing question – ‘I don’t know why, but this really gets me hot. What do you think?’ The worst they can do is say no. The best they can do is rock up at your house with a bucket of lube and a filthy grin.

But, girlonthenet, what is the best bit of porn on the internet?

Good question, I’m glad you asked. It is this one. You’re welcome.

Postscript: if this link breaks please leave a comment letting me know. Occasionally this video gets deleted from places and I have to do some crying and then re-find it.

On swingers clubs: one hot story and a couple of myths busted

Swingers clubs aren’t all full of 60 year old men. They’re not adult playgrounds purely for pensioners, or filled only with single guys looking for a hookup.