Your dick. My mouth. Now.

Image by the always fantastic Stuart F Taylor

How did I chat people up before? When I was single, and I had to put some effort in beyond just saying “Your dick. My mouth. Now”?

I think I probably started with a hint: a story about this one time at college, leading to a detailed breakdown of who did what. But where there were strangers, now there’s one guy. Where there were hints, now there’s directness:

“Your dick. My mouth. Now.”

I’d have gone in quite quickly, for sure. There are lots of people who had more patience than me. They’d have waited until at least the third date before revealing what their ‘magic number’ was. I used to steam in, eager to open up, and explain that my bucket list included fisting.

I probably gave some people too much hope. And others too much fear.

I’d get sloppy-drunk with guys I’d only just met, and try to tempt them into telling me their secrets. Give me hints at what made them horny by asking far-too-personal questions: do you like spanking? Are you dom, sub or switch? Have you ever…?

I miss those conversations. With all of my heart. I wish I could have them over and over with new people. Guys I’ve just met, who give me a look that combines delight and confusion, when I ask them how they like to stroke their dick. Whether they like their blow jobs hard or soft. Or whether they play with their prostate. Nowadays I’m more direct, because I can be.

“Your dick. My mouth. Now.”

Back then if I’d gone for that approach on first meeting, I’d have been met with horror, confusion, and justified offence. Even guys who really wanted to get their dick sucked would recoil as if it was some kind of trap. Understandably, there’s a test you have to take before someone will let you put their junk in your mouth. And you’re never sure of the rules until you’ve either passed or failed.

Checking: are you OK? Do you want this? Am I going too fast? There’s a system, of course. A good system: you don’t buy someone a ticket to Paris because you liked their online dating profile. And you don’t beg to drool on someone’s cock just because they’ve agreed to a date.

You start off gently: what’s your name? Where are you from? I love your accent. Reminds me of a holiday I took when I was 16. Ha – yeah, there is a bit of a story around it actually. Do you want to hear it? I’ll warn you, it’s a bit filthy…

Then as they listen to you, you gauge their reaction. Revealing more details if they look enthusiastic, retreating into vagueness if they don’t. Asking questions as you go along: what do you think? Ever had a holiday romance? Tell me more. Is this your kind of thing?

Dancing around the detail because you can’t quite say what you want:

Your dick. My mouth. Now. Here in the pub. In the toilets – quick, come on, while the bartender isn’t looking. You can push the back of my head against the stall door so it bangs while you fuck my face. Just let me fucking taste you before I go get the next round of drinks. 

I definitely didn’t say that. I said ‘wouldn’t it be weird if we…?’ or ‘have you ever thought about…?’ questions which could be interpreted however he liked. Then I’d listen for the awkward laugh that signalled a ‘no’, and look at my watch and try not to sound disappointed.

Sometimes I got to go home with them – or bring them home with me. That’s what happens if you’re lucky. If you’re luckier, perhaps you’ll find a nearby alleyway where they can hold your hair back by the fistful while they fuck you hard in the mouth. The sensation of their cock stretching your lips wide, and spit coating the shaft of it while you choke back moans. The shuddering tremble in their knees and muffled ‘I’m coming’, then the swifter harsher thrusts as they beg you not to stop. It takes on an extra quality because it was so much harder to earn.

Directness is fun too – and it’s a luxury I should be more grateful for, because when he comes home tonight there’s no need to flirt:

“Your dick. My mouth. Now.”

But I’m nostalgic for those conversations – not just for the chance to tell old tales to a new audience. I miss the gradual escalation, and the effort of reading and adjusting to signals. Trying hard not to make it obvious when I spot their dick twitching in their pants. Starting to learn someone’s ‘go’ face as well as their ‘no’ face, and rein myself in accordingly. Weaving the conversation around the signals they give me.

Revelling in those first few minutes when I suck them right to the back of my throat and read the way they like it best from their grunting-moaning-growling noises. Gripping the waistband of their jeans to pull them harder towards me. Looking up with wet eyes to see if they like that, or dropping my gaze when I realise they don’t. Gripping, sucking, drooling, choking, tapping them when I want a break, and watching for signs of frustrated climax, before dipping my head back down for our first ever grand finale.

Achievements are more satisfying if they require a bit of effort. And spunk tastes sweeter if I’ve worked for it.


  • Ork says:

    I love this and completely relate to the specific need for their dick in my mouth when we’ve just met. On the first date with my current fuck buddy, I sucked his cock in a nearby car park because I couldn’t wait. It was glorious despite the cold night. Sadly I didn’t get the fun of verbalising it directly because he was as eager as I was but I’ve made it up for it since.

  • THAT dude. says:

    I’ve never experienced anything relating to a one night stand or a fling… It’s dull as hell I know, but what the hell… reading this and just knowing what goes through some people’s head makes me just think, why am I sitting home on a friday/saturday evening and just chilling, hoping to find the one some day?

    • S says:

      hey if you want a mouth rot-infested with std’s from other dirty women via men etc, just go boi!!! ,)

      • Girl on the net says:

        Hey this is the fourth comment in a row you’ve left that’s basically just a bizarre, hateful snipe at someone for no reason. If you want to say something useful or interesting, go ahead, but any more shitty comments from you go in the bin.

  • Frankie says:

    Years ago, while at Uni, I was in the pub with a housemate. We were always very open about sex with each other, but never got it on. I fancied her loads, but never had the courage to push it. Anyways, we were in the pub commiserating being single for a while. I asked “what do you miss most?” Thinking the reply would be about the non-sex part of her relationship.

    “Getting my arse licked” was her reply.

    I was stunned into silence, and she could clearly see this was turning me on (I was banking it for a furious wank sesh later on). Then, clearly emboldened with booze, she asked.

    “If you lick my arse for me, I’ll let you use my cunt.” I remember the words so clearly; the precise choice of “use” and “cunt” got me even harder.

    We went back to her room and had what was the best sex of my young life.

    We’re now married.

    • Girl on the net says:

      Oh my god this is the perfect combination of deeply horny and super-romantic. You and she have nailed it =)

      • Frankie says:

        Yeah, I’m exceptionally lucky. Things ebb and flow in a long term relationship, as we all know, but I count myself lucky to have found someone as open-minded as me (well, she’s more mind-opening).

        We have more than a few sexy stories. Pub toilets, exhibitionism, power play. All good fun.

    • Smurphboy says:

      That story needs banking too… hot

    • Indescribably Jealous says:

      Has the same thing happened to you ? The condensation of the discussion ? You get home from work, and she says “Your mouth. My arse. Now.”
      Because if she does, and she pulls up her skirt and parts her knicker-less behind, and you have to kneel down while she stands over you, one hand grabbing your hair, and get your tongue right up inside, while she fingers herself till she comes, clenching her backside, grinding down on you, dripping come onto your face, then…..well, then that’s er, terrible, truly terrible. What a life !

    • SpaceCaptainSmith says:

      *Applauds* Bravo, sir!

  • During my marriage, I would bemoan the lack of these awkward tentatively learning about each others – it’s tension ridden and exploring, but while I like the game every so often, I really don’t like to play it as frequently as I have

  • The quiet one says:

    The game soon gets dull, especially when you’re here and the single men are few and far between, perhaps they’re all sat at home in the dark waiting for ‘the one’ to magically appear on their lounge floor.
    Last date I managed to find spent the evening crying into his beer.
    This place sucks, and not in the good way.

  • JJJ says:

    “quick, come on, while the bartender isn’t looking. You can push the back of my head against the stall door so it bangs while you fuck my face.” is the hottest thing I’ve ever read.

  • Lacrymology says:

    I’ve never known how to do that.. insinuate. I think I’ve learned quite a bit from this post

  • Rob S says:

    Fantastic….why do I never meet girls like you. Xx

  • Anna says:

    I love calling my GF Daddy while she fucks me. She got me into it and it started off as a power play thing but now it’s turned into an incest kink. I confessed this to her and explained that it was okay if she wanted to stop if it was too weird. But, because she has a spell cast over me that means I will do anything (ANYTHING) she wants, she made me call my actual Dad while she fucked me slowly. I’ve never come internally until then. It’s the first orgasm I’ve ever had that didn’t involve touching my clit.

  • Oxyfromsg says:

    I think im far too direct when flirting (i would say talking but most of my talking turns to flirting at some point.)
    On the other hand, there is a rather nice cobbled alleyway near a pub in Oxford that i have both had a cock in my mouth and also had my cock in a mouth.
    So something must be working.

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