This week’s guest blog is a fabulous rant by Liv Arnold – an erotic author who has a bone to pick with men who expect blow jobs but don’t want to return any oral favours. Perhaps it’s the fact that I’m getting more ‘fuck this’ in my forties than I was a decade ago, but I find it joyful to read stories about people who have realised they no longer want to accept mediocre – or outright bad – treatment from people and have worked out the perfect way to say ‘no’. You don’t have to do things in bed that you don’t want to, and that means you’re allowed to walk away from sex where the pleasure is so one-sided. Take it away Liv…

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New Year is one of my favourite times, because it is a nice opportunity to do a bit of self-reflection. Looking back at the last 12 months and working out what you’ve achieved, what you’ve been lucky enough to experience, and what you’d like to leave behind as you move into the next year. 2025 has been a weird one for me, and I’ve spent a fair amount of time in some dark places. But reflecting on how I felt this time last year is a nice reminder that things can and do get better. And even while I was dwelling (some might say ‘wallowing’) in the darkness, I kept writing and recording and commissioning with the pleasantly surprising result that there’s a phenomenal crop of amazing guest audio porn, guest blogs and posts from me to include in this year’s round-up.

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As someone who had sex for the first time impulsively, reading this guest blog made me feel like I’d missed out on something really cool. I am so grateful to this guest blogger for sharing her experience of first time sex – the knowledge that you’re about to do this thing comes with such resonance and power. And she’s captured it in quite breathtaking detail. Please welcome this week’s anonymous guest, and join me in the thrilling journey that she takes us on, as she describes that feeling of being filled and fucked for the very first time.

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You know how, when you go to look up a recipe online, most of the recipes are interwoven with some tangential story about the chef’s life? Have you ever read one of those and thought ‘man, I wish there was a version of this kind of recipe-blogging but instead of being whimsical and wholesome it was outrageously horny?’. Well have I got the guest blog for you! This stunningly sexy post – with accompanying recipe for cinnamon rolls – is by Tess, who has written some gorgeous guest blogs here before. One about she and her wife having the best sex of their lives, and another about gaming while the Hot Octopuss Pulse dispenses incredibly-distracting orgasms. You’re probably thinking ‘wow, how can she top either of these?’ and the answer is ‘with flour, butter, sugar, and some intensely powerful sex.’ Enjoy!

The recipe is real, by the way. Even if you don’t have a loved one to get cum-sticky with right now, you can absolutely make some cinnamon rolls. 

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This week’s fabulously sexy guest blog is an extract from Kirstyn Smith’s novella, The Twelve Lays of Christmas. I absolutely adore the idea behind this playful book – from the blurb:

“Ivy is stuck in a rut. She hasn’t hooked up with anyone since her last terrible relationship ended more than a year ago. That is, until her bff Aoife comes up with a challenge. The Twelve Lays of Christmas: hook up with twelve different people before Christmas Day.”

YES. As someone who is keen to give myself challenges and side quests, I was immediately hooked by the pitch, and then completely enamoured of the extract she sent for me to share with you – it’s sexy, thoughtful, playful and all the things I fucking love about great sex writing. For context, this extract features the eighth person Ivy has hooked up with since the start of the challenge, and we join the story shortly after an encounter with someone who had a fetish for popping balloons. This next guy? Well… he’s into slime. Like, really into it. What I love about this story is not just how fucking joyful it is – reminding any Channel 4 documentary makers out there that you can explore unusual kinks in a non-shaming way – but also the fact that the author, Kirstyn Smith, tells me it’s based on a true story. Enjoy!
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