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Guest blog: Only the lonely

Recently we had a discussion in a comment thread about loneliness. It’s not something I’ve written about much here before, so Anya (@letthelovein on Twitter) kindly volunteered to write a guest blog – on loneliness in a world of desire…

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Disgusting fantasy, or hot distraction? Belts and blow jobs…

Sometimes, like many humans, I have fantasies that are grotesque and dark and weird. And sometimes I have days where I can think of nothing else to write, so with a sense of weary resignation and vague self-disgust, I tell you one of the odder ones. This disgusting fantasy is a not-quite-non-consent story that, I think, is an escalation of the fantasy dinner party. So if you like this kind of thing but the below gives you shudders, you might prefer that story instead.

For the record, it would horrify me if it happened in real life: that’s kind of the point of it. But as a film I play in my mind when I’m masturbating, something about the atmosphere and the attitude makes my cunt twitch.

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How to say no (to things that aren’t sexy)

“Do you want another biscuit?”

“Ah, no I’m OK thanks. I’ve had five and I had a big lunch – I’m really full.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure thanks.”

“Go on – they’re delicious!”

“I know. I just…”

“G’wan.”

“OK, thanks.”

And then I sit and eat the biscuit and think ‘for fuck’s sake, I am a grown up. I should be able to decide whether I want a fucking biscuit.’ But then someone will pass the plate around again, and I’ll take another, because I don’t want to be rude. And by the end of the day I will be so sick of biscuits and so sad that these things I love very much (biscuits) have been ruined by the fact that I’ve had them politely shoveled into my face alongside the cup of tea that I don’t really like either.

This isn’t a metaphor for sex.

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In their own words: let’s get angry

I don’t have a guest blog for you this week, but what I do have is a couple of things that I’d love you to take a look at. If there’s a broad theme here it’s anger. Anger at shit decisions or anger at something that could be better but isn’t.

Please check them out.

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Eroticon 2015: rambling highlights from the sex writers’ conference

Edited to add: the next Eroticon is in March 2017. If you’re thinking of coming, subscribe to the newsletter so you’ll be alerted when tickets are available. 

I never go to events. I am shy, which is a euphemism for ‘I shit myself about anonymity, get so anxious that I have to drink to calm down, and end up making some kind of fuck-up that’ll lead to a post-event meltdown two days later.’ So: I never go to events.

Except this one.

Last year, the awesome Ruby Kiddell, who runs Eroticon, told me to come along as a test. “If you’re not comfortable with it, that’s cool. But if you are then you have to speak at it next year. Deal?” And last year it was so amazing that I couldn’t possibly not go this year.

I’m going to do a run-down below, and a much fuller write-up in next month’s ETO magazine, but first here’s a thing: if you’re a sex writer, blogger, or in any way involved in sex writing, start saving now for next year’s. Honestly, truly, madly, deeply, etc. I met so many amazing people last year and this year, and I would love to meet more amazing people in 2016. What’s more, if you want to write for money, your first offers of work will most likely begin over coffee at Eroticon. Need more reasons? Click the relevant section below.

If you’re a company (sex toys, erotic publishers, literally any company who could benefit from working with sex writers) then put Eroticon sponsorship in your 2016 budget. Now. Put it in. Go on – I’ll wait here until you’ve done it. Why? Because there are people at Eroticon who you won’t meet anywhere else. And there are ideas being kicked around that other companies will pick up if you aren’t around to grab them. And because this year the boss of Doxy was greeted in the pub as if he were a cross between a celebrity and a national hero, and that’s the kind of relationship that you can’t buy with a banner ad. Need more reasons? Click the relevant section below.

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