Tag Archives: bdsm

Submission and feminism are not mutually exclusive

 

I want you to spit in my mouth, call me a slut, come all over my face and then respect my opinions on gender politics. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so.

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On the obscenity trial

Background: A guy from North London was charged with distributing ‘obscene’ DVDs after a police officer bought some from him. They included lots of lovely (or not-so-lovely, depending on your preferences) gay sex acts, including fisting, BDSM and piss-play.

The acts themselves were legal, what the law frowned upon was distributing DVDs of said acts to people who wanted to crack one off over them. The ‘Obscene Publications Act (OPA)‘ makes it illegal to publish material that is likely to ‘deprave and corrupt.’

Two excellent ladies livetweeted during the trial (see end of this for links to people who know more about it than I do), including not just details of the material but the arguments from the prosecution and defence. It was utterly fascinating: we weren’t just watching people discussing what counts as obscene, we were watching an unfolding debate about whether it’s even acceptable to legislate against the very subjective notion of ‘obscenity’.

Society has always been keen on making moral judgements – it’s what society does. X is good, Y is bad. This is fun and kinky, but that’s just plain wrong. We can’t stop society from having opinions on things, but we probably should take those opinions with a pinch of salt, especially given that in the past they’ve been pretty wrong. Society used to think it was totally unacceptable to have sex outside marriage or (shock horror) be gay.

The defendant was victorious in this case, and was found not guilty on all counts: the jury saw no problem with the material as far as this law was concerned and agreed that it probably wasn’t going to deprave anyone.

This is great news for fisters, watersports fanatics, and gay guys who like to inject saline into the scrotum of a loved one, slap that scrotum around a bit, then sell DVDs of the event to people they met on the internet.

The problem’s still there

But it doesn’t really solve the ultimate problem. The law is still there, which means that we’re still reliant on society to decide what counts as ‘obscene material’. CPS guidance suggests it could include any of these things:

  • sexual act with an animal
  • realistic portrayals of rape
  • sadomasochistic material which goes beyond trifling and transient infliction of injury
  • torture with instruments
  • bondage (especially where gags are used with no apparent means of withdrawing consent)
  • dismemberment or graphic mutilationactivities involving perversion or degradation (such as drinking urine, urination or vomiting on to the body, or excretion or use of excreta)
  • fisting

Some of these are clearly extremely niche activities, which are illegal in and of themselves (dismemberment, sex with animals, etc). But some are acts which many normal, healthy people perform, film and watch on a regular basis: piss-play, coprophilia, fisting, bondage, etc.

The DVDs in this week’s obscenity trial featured acts from this list. The fact that the jury found ‘not guilty’ on all counts is a huge step forward for sexual liberties, and indicates that this list of ‘obscene’ things may well be trimmed in the future.

But we still live under a legal system that says society can judge whether sex videos made by consenting adults and sold to consenting adults are ‘obscene’ enough to warrant punishment.

So although having more liberal attitudes helps us trim the list of acts that are considered ‘obscene’, encouraging society to become more liberal isn’t the ideal solution. The solution lies in getting rid of this law.

We need to persuade society that we don’t need a law to criminalise publication of consensual sex acts. We need to tell society that lots of people watch porn and don’t turn into mad perverts desperate for their next fisting fix. We need to tell society to fuck off out of the bedroom and let us shit on each other in peace.

Over to the Obscenity Trial experts:

This is just my opinion – other people have written about the obscenity trial far better than I ever could, and with more knowledge than I have. So for the full story see any or all of these links:

My new favourite lawyer, Myles Jackman, explains why the OPA is an anachronism.

Excellent journalist and swift-thumbed livetweeter Nichi Hodgson discusses why the outcome of the trial is a victory for sexual freedom, and explains why the OPA should be abolished.

For more info and ongoing awesome, check out Lexington Dymock, who was also livetweeting the trial and keeping us up-to-date on the exact nature of the filthy acts that were occurring.

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On bracing yourself

This picture has nothing to do with the content of this post, but I like it so fuck you.

“I love fucking you by that corner in your room. It means I can brace both my hands against the wall and really go for it.”

 

I’ve just been watching an old episode of Misfits. Misfits, to the vast majority of people, is a pretty cool channel four drama series about some kids doing community service who turn into superheroes. Hilarity, tension and some great scriptwriting ensues, then tails off somewhere around the beginning of series 3.

To me, however, Misfits is one of those programmes that I watch when I think I’m probably in the mood for a wank but can’t quite be arsed. In every other episode there is usually a short but cracking sex scene which is worth some further study. Occasionally, in some episodes, they forget to put sex in, so it’s like a wanking lucky-dip.

Anyway, the point is that in this particular episode there is a scene between large-breasted angry Northerner Kelly and a guy who is a stunningly angry fuck. Like, properly angry. When they start kissing he pushes her up against walls, picks her up so she can wrap her legs round him, backs her into doorframes so he can force himself harder into her. This is hot. Very, very, very hot.

The climax of the scene involves him lifting her up and resting her arse on a shelf inside a cupboard. Filth, obviously, but not as filthy as what comes next – he grabs hold of the cupboard with both of his hands to give himself purchase – he braces himself so he can slam his cock into her with even greater force.

Men who do this are like Gods to me.

This bit requires a sub-head

Fun though hitting is, you don’t need to hit someone to be dominant. You don’t even need to call me a bitch, or spit in my mouth, or do any of that fancy stuff. You just need to make sure that when you’re fucking, you’re fucking hard.

One of my boys from many moons ago bought a piece of equipment (which I probably still have somewhere, for nostalgic value) that was sold at the Erotica festival. It was billed as a bit of kit that helps you swing your lady into the right rhythm when you’re doing it doggy style. I’m sure he was a bit nonplussed at the words ‘swing’ and ‘rhythm’ but what he did spot was that it was essentially a big thick padded belt with handles just slightly wider than my own hips.

In other words: excellent bracing material.

Later that evening he stripped me, and pushed me over onto the bed. With my legs hanging off the side and just in bare feet, it was hard for me to find a purchase. He wrapped this belt round my waist, so it was pressing against my stomach, and shoved himself nice and hard into me.

As he fucked harder, he pulled the belt up – effectively lifting me up to meet him – groaning and panting at the effort of pulling me hard up onto his cock. Oh Jesus fuck it was amazing.

Each time I tried to find purchase – to brace my own feet in a position where I could fuck him back, he kicked my feet out from under me. He didn’t need me to join in – he didn’t want me to join in. He wanted to brace me against something and use me until he was done.

GOTN, get better at thinking of sub-heads

Another gentleman, far more recently, has a couple of spots in which he prefers to fuck me bent over. Why? Well, these spots happen to be places where I can kneel spreadeagled on the bed while he braces both his hands against the wall behind him.

He looks down at me while I’m bent over, and I can feel his eyes watching as his cock slams home. As he pushes harder than he ever could before, each thrust feels like a spectacular punishment. I can feel his huge cock filling me up, and taking my breath away with each stroke.

It hurts. It hurts. It’s forceful and bad and it makes me feel like I’ve done something very wrong. It makes it hard to join in, because he has the power, he decides the rhythm – he is the one who has something to push off from.

And every time I gasp or squeal or speak he fucks me harder. And I can almost hear him grinning at the force with which he’s pounding his cock into me.

Oh *slam* Fuck *slam* Ouch *slam* Fuck *slam* Yeah

It’s not ‘fucking’, it’s ‘being fucked’ and it’s sex at its exquisite, violent best.

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On whether I like spanking

Top fashion tip: red knickers are always in seasonSome questions are designed to elicit sexy answers, and others invoke a sense of wariness and dread. “Do you like spanking?” falls into the latter category, and here’s why:

‘Spanking’ encompasses a range of things – you can be spanked by someone who is giggling and brandishing a pink heart-shaped toy from Anne Summers. You can be spanked by a teacher, parent, boyfriend, girlfriend, or midget in a gimp suit. You can be spanked until it just about hurts or you can be spanked until the agony is so much that you want to bite straight through the pillow and into your bottom lip.

You can be spanked by someone who can’t get hard unless he knows you’re uncomfortable – who digs his fingers into the back of your neck and forces you over his knee, yanks your knickers down and rubs his cock into you while he whacks you. You can be spanked by someone who’s afraid that if he gives you more than a light-hearted slap you’ll report him to the authorities.

So the question ‘do you like being spanked?’ is about as relevant as ‘do you like food?’
Like ‘food’, I think everyone likes spanking. Be it a gentle tap on the bum to demonstrate ownership or so they can see your butt jiggle as they’re fucking you from behind, right up to a full-on gutwrenching spitefuck accompanied by slaps so hard they give you stars behind the eyes.

The question might open things up for more discussion and more extravagant play, but I’m always wary of giving a fully honest answer. Yes, of course I like spanking. But I’m loathed to tell you how I like it in case you spend the next five fucks trying to get the tone, the rhythm and the strength to my exact specifications.

So I think what I’m proposing is that we come up with a Universal Spanking Declaration, along the lines of:

“I like being spanked in some way, shape or form.”

That way we can assume everyone likes a bit, and push things gradually until we reach the point at which they say “oh fuck yes, that’s it.” After all, that’s basically what we do with sex itself, right? No one says “once my penis is inside you, do you want me to maintain a fairly steady, slow rhythm, or would you prefer me to tease you a bit then go at it hammer and tongs until you come all over my cock?”

No. With sex we play jazz. Because we assume everyone likes it we expend our energies working out how they like it best.

From now on, if you sign up to my Universal Spanking Declaration, I shall do the same. I know you like it, I just need to find out how; I’m going to play jazz.

Now bend the fuck over.

On choking: why I like getting choked during sex

Warning: don’t fucking try this at home. I like getting choked during sex, but I am aware that it’s quite a dangerous thing to do, and therefore I don’t want to encourage you to plough on with this without an understanding of the risks and ways to mitigate them.

Now that’s out of the way: choking is one of my favourite things. It’s controlling, it’s cruel, it’s taboo, it says “hey, I’m going to do this whether you like it or not.” It makes a lot of guys, even ones who are otherwise pretty vanilla, very hard indeed.

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