Tag Archives: consent

Guest blog: Begging and consent

Listen before I even begin to introduce you to this week’s guest blogger – rmp792 – you absolutely need to know that not only has he guest blogged for me before (about how he fell in love with /r/GoneWildAudio), but he has also written, produced and starred in a ten-voice erotic audio steampunk drama. Yes, I KNOW. Your own CV will never seem as impressive again. While you obviously need to go bookmark that to check it out (Erotic! Steampunk! Drama! I listened to it this morning and it was a delightfully fun way to start the day), first why not relax and enjoy this gorgeous guest post all about the art of begging, and how to weave consent into scenes in which you – or someone you fancy – wants to beg for it…

Rmp792 has kindly recorded this begging story, and post, as audio porn – click ‘listen now’ above or scroll down for text. 

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Consensual non-consent: the ethics of writing CNC

The fantasies which happen in my head are consensual. The fantasies which happen in my head are often non-consensual. It sounds like a logical fallacy: how can something be both consensual and non-consensual at the same time? The answer is that, of course, the ‘non-consent’ in my fantasies is only an illusion: the participants in my head are not real, the only real person here – the only one who needs to consent – is me. But when those fantasies leak out of my head onto the page or screen, readers – real live people – become a part of what’s happening, and their consent matters as well. Let’s talk about the ethics of writing consensual non-consent fantasies.

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If you don’t understand this simple thing, don’t have sex

This might sound weird, but I’m actually pretty sick of talking about consent. As a fan of sex, what I really want to talk about is desire. Want. Lust. Need. Craving. But I can’t talk about all those cool things without also having to explain the basics of consent. Because some pricks still cannot drag themselves over this, the lowest possible bar. Consent! Fuck my life! It’s the most boring sexual basic! Consent is vital, of course, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t also dull. Like that bit at the start of a cupcake recipe where they tell you what temperature you should set your oven to – it’s not the most interesting part of the recipe, but without it you can’t make cakes.

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Men: your consent matters too

Sexual consent isn’t gendered – at least, it shouldn’t be. If you’re chatting someone up in the hope that you’ll get to have sexy fun with them later, you shouldn’t be putting pressure on them to do things they don’t want to do, no matter what your gender or theirs. So apologies to everyone who knows this already, but I just wanted to pick up my sledgehammer and really slam this point home. Men: your consent matters too.

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If you want to know someone, say no to them

You can tell a lot about a person by what happens when you tell them ‘no.’ This is possibly one of the most useful lessons I’ve learned as a sex blogger, so I figured I’d share it with you: if you want to know someone, say no to them. 

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