We’ve been on a total of two dates, and had exactly the same number of fucks, so I don’t really know this guy at all. I know him exactly as well as I know anyone who’s willing to share a bottle of wine and a swift fuck with me, but still: he’s promising. What is it that makes someone promising? How do you turn a first date into a second, and then a third?

Note: there’s a time delay on a lot of blog posts at the moment, so although we’re in lockdown now, this date happened when it was legal. I am naughty but not that kind of naughty.

(more…)

Life is hard and haunted. The world is a mess, I am a mess. But I cannot just focus on the darkness and the panic: in order to keep driving forwards through the tricky stuff, I need to fill my tank with occasional joy. So I text a guy I vaguely know and I ask him to bring me tequila. And his dick.

(more…)

Look look! I’ve found it! After years of sifting through terrible dating ‘systems’ and advice that amounts to ‘treat women like they’re vending machines‘, I think I’ve found the worst online dating strategy of all time. One that misses almost every conceivable mark. Are you ready? Here it is…

(more…)

To the one night stands. To the fucks who didn’t love me, or ever need me to love them: a heartfelt thank you. You were not mistakes, but memories.

(more…)

Fully aware that I am about to launch into ‘why GOTN is wildly irritating’ territory, I ask the third guy in the space of a week: “You say you like me but… what exactly is it that you like?” It’s not that I want him to kiss my arse, I genuinely need to know the answer. Without a real answer to that question, I don’t think I can meet him. Dating during Covid has helped me realise that what I’m after in a date has been refined – or just better defined – since the last time I was single.

(more…)