As a shameless fan of men, one of the things I look forward to about summer is seeing so many of them out and about slutting it up. Shorts, vest tops, lovely bald heads slathered in sunscreen… you know the drill. I consider it not just my pleasure but my moral duty to occasionally objectify men, so that dudes can experience themselves through the eyes of a woman who is red hot for what they’ve got. Let us begin.

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Last week I wrote a piece about wanting to be loved. I think acknowledging the desire to be loved is useful to me, and it’s not something I’ve always been able to do. It feels shameful, somehow, to yearn for love. Like if I want it too much then I’m desperate, needy, incomplete without the validation of a romantic partner. But having thought about this a lot recently, I’ve realised that acknowledging this desire has been a net positive. Good for self-acceptance, and perhaps even for my self-worth too. Because being up front about how much I want to be loved means I also have to face the important caveat that comes hand-in-hand with that desire: I do not want to be loved at any cost.

This one’s long, waffly, and incredibly gendered. Sorry about that. 

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I like to think the world has moved on since I started sex blogging nearly fifteen years ago, but there are some terrible ideas that still won’t die. One of these is the false belief that if you’re in a monogamous relationship, you owe your partner a certain amount of sex to prevent them from straying. If you’re busy/tired/overworked? Just make a sex schedule! Set aside a specific time and make yourself do it, even if you aren’t in the mood. While I’m all up for scheduling quality time or date nights, I find the idea of ‘scheduled sex’ pretty grim. Because even if you love the person who wants it, the fact remains that you never have to have sex if you don’t want to.

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CN: transphobia.

Late on Friday night the Equalities and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) released an ‘interim update’, offering advice to businesses and public bodies in which it tells them that “trans women (biological men) should not be permitted to use the women’s facilities and trans men (biological women) should not be permitted to use the men’s facilities”. The update also notes that “in some circumstances the law also allows trans women (biological men) not to be permitted to use the men’s facilities, and trans men (biological woman) not to be permitted to use the women’s facilities”. This is in response to the UK Supreme Court judgment last week which defined ‘woman’ as someone who is ‘biologically female’. A judgment the court told us “does not remove protection from trans people” is immediately being used as the justification to try and remove important protections from trans people. I think the judgment is profoundly wrong and deeply harmful.

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Today’s guest blogger has a message for Harrison Butker, the football player (and traditional Catholic) who decided to use a commencement speech at Benedictine College in the US to make some pretty alarming statements about society. Violet Grey is a fabulous sex blogger who runs her own site at Becoming Violet Grey, and she’s guest blogged for me before with some gorgeously horny femdom fiction, as well as excellent rants on being a submissive feminist and the harm caused by Hollywood’s ‘bury your gays’ trope. Violet is a bisexual woman and a practicing Anglican (specifically, the Anglo-Catholic tradition) who has absolutely no time for misogyny, homophobia, and the other things Butker was advocating in his speech…

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