“There is absolutely no way he’ll text me back,” I tell my friends, the day after an extremely hot date. I can’t really explain why I’m so convinced of this, but I am. In fact, so certain am I that he’ll wake up tomorrow and realise he’s made a mistake that I ask him – while we’re on the date – if I can take a picture to show people how hot the man I shagged was. In case, you know, I never see him again. This is very impolite of me, but he’s game so we take pictures. When I show one of my friends a shot of him – kissing me on the cheek, while I grin inanely to camera – my mate laughs and tell me: “you look like you’ve won a contest.”

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This fabulous adventure with the Sex Scientist featuring a pink pussy pump is written by EL Byrne of Lustitude, and originally appeared on her website. It is read here by Girl on the Net. 

“If you order more stuff, look for some pussy pumping device,” his text read.

“You want me to order one if I find?” I typed, my mind already whirling with possibilities.

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Despite the best efforts of cinema and TV to convince us human beings can be smooth in seduction, most of the time we’re as ham-fisted at that as we are at everything else. Flailing around and trying to act cool when really we’ve no idea what the actual fuck we’re doing. Which is why it’s lovely to encounter someone who manages to pull off a smooth transition: from hanging out to making out, with no pissing about in the middle.

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I have a bee in my bonnet about the frequency with which sex educators used to tell us ‘condoms fit everyone!’ when we were younger. Technically yes, they are extremely stretchy. But in practice I’ve had many shags which could have been more fun for all involved if we’d had a range of condom sizes to hand – both larger and smaller than standard ones. Every dick is different, and condoms aren’t meant to be something you struggle through in order to get sex, they’re something that should (ideally) fit well enough to be safe and comfortable. This week’s guest blogger – Spit – is here to share his story, and hopefully encourage those of you with dicks to have a play and find a condom that fits you well.

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Regular readers might remember a post I wrote a while ago called ‘why you should let me borrow your boyfriend.’ It was tongue-in-cheek but so far has yielded some pretty spectacular results. Not only some awesome hot fun for me, but also some fruitful (i.e. ‘horny’) discussion with others that eventually led to this guest blog. Please welcome today’s guest blogger, Max, who is here to tell you about how his wife lent him to her best friend to fulfil her sexual needs…

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