Tag Archives: illustrated

Watching your dick grow hard through boxers

Sure, The Good Place is an excellent TV show. And yes, I have spent the last few months eagerly awaiting each week’s episode of Better Call Saul. But honestly, if Netflix were down, I could happily replace my weekly TV fixes with a different pastime instead: watching your dick grow hard through boxers.

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How do I get invited to a gang bang?

Over the course of the last week three – THREE – men have asked me how they go about getting invited to a gang bang. Two of them have been quite specific about exactly the kind of gang bang they want. I get asked questions like this quite frequently, so I’m going to answer this one now: here’s how to get invited to a gang bang.

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Weird sex tips: the Rubber Hand Illusion of fucking

What’s that old joke? That if you sit on one of your hands until it goes numb, when you wank it feels like someone else is doing it. I’ve never tried that, but recently I discovered some pretty excellent sensations while synchronising sex to porn, which I’m going to call the Rubber Hand Illusion Of Fucking.

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‘I was brave getting an IUD fitted today!’

Note that this post involves some graphic medical detail about injections and vaginal examinations during an IUD fitting.

The other day a woman put a big needle inside my vagina, and injected me three times in the cervix. I know you don’t like hearing this, my darling, but I really need you to know it. The other day, when getting an IUD fitted, I had three injections in my cervix.

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I love you so much I’d walk to the corner shop for you

Yesterday I got a phone call, while I was in the middle of writing a Twitter thread. It was from my boyfriend, who had – in the process of trying to fix the door – accidentally locked himself in the bathroom. “Can you come upstairs and rescue me please?” he asked. Feeling like a knight in shining armour, making sacrifices for the greater cause of love, I broke off my tweeting and ran upstairs to help.

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