For as long as I can remember, I have yearned for a partner. Even when I was too young to understand sex or romance, I pursued boys. With a relentless, aching need. I’m sure some of them could sense it radiating out of me. As a child, when a brand new boy would turn up in whatever context – playing with my siblings and I on holiday, or transferring into my class from another school – my whole being would suddenly snap into focus, laser-targeted on whether or not this one might be a possibility. As a teenager, I was obsessed with the idea of having a boyfriend, and although there was one boy I was wildly in love with, I knew deep in my heart that any boy would do. I just wanted to be loved. When I finally did secure a boyfriend – even though he was entirely unsuited to me – there was a powerful feeling of relief and accomplishment. I’ve done it! I’ve got one! I am wanted! Go me! I yearn for a partner, I always have done. I just really really want to be loved.

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Of all the fantasies I’ve written on this blog, I think ‘free use secretary’ was the one that caused most people to contact me saying ‘I have this one too!’. I was surprised and delighted by how many of you share similar fantasies, and I massively appreciate you making me feel less like a grubby little perv for sharing some of the free use secretary’s more intense adventures. As I’ve said before, she’s not real, she’s my fuckpuppet. And I enjoy being able to play with my fuckpuppets – giving them plotlines that would be either undesirable or impossible to achieve in real life. But she’s had a bit of a rough time of it, the free use secretary, hasn’t she? She is basically the recipient of some of the darker misogynist kinks that I work through via wanking. Part 6 ended with her getting emotionally as well as physically degraded, and that’s the last of the scenarios that I currently have on rotation in the old wank cinema. But in writing these pieces I grew fonder of my secretary, and I figured after all that work she deserved a better finale. This isn’t a story that existed before I started sharing her on the blog, but it’s floated in my head ever since I hit ‘publish’ on the third or fourth. It’s a very different fantasy to the ones I actually wank to, but it made me smile when I wrote it, and although (or perhaps because) it is as basic and lizard-brain as all the other stories in this series, I feel like it’s a fitting way to end this grubby tale. Here’s free use secretary 7 – the sunset.

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This stunning ode to fishnet tights is written and read by Spen Pritchard. 

Taut twines of fabric tether to your skin and form soft square pillows, pleading to be touched, to be teased, to be kissed. Toes twitch and curl with every throb of excitement and anticipation as my eyes feast on your glorious form, caught up in the netting from the waist down.

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New Year is one of my favourite times, because it is a nice opportunity to do a bit of self-reflection. Looking back at the last 12 months and working out what you’ve achieved, what you’ve been lucky enough to experience, and what you’d like to leave behind as you move into the next year. 2025 has been a weird one for me, and I’ve spent a fair amount of time in some dark places. But reflecting on how I felt this time last year is a nice reminder that things can and do get better. And even while I was dwelling (some might say ‘wallowing’) in the darkness, I kept writing and recording and commissioning with the pleasantly surprising result that there’s a phenomenal crop of amazing guest audio porn, guest blogs and posts from me to include in this year’s round-up.

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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but some of you will so I’ll say it. That thing you’ve been itching to do for ages? You should do it on your own.

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