Sensitivity training: Sexual feedback for shy people

Image by the brilliant Stuart F Taylor

He’s pretty quiet in bed, so I’ve become used to turning up the perception dial on all the senses I use to tell whether someone’s enjoying themselves. Most notably when I’m sucking his dick or giving him a gentle hand job. I listen more intensely for the softer sounds he makes, and have trained myself to hone in on those little moments when his breath catches: if I tease the head of his cock with lubed-up fingers, for instance, or get the pressure and speed of a particular stroke just right. I place my hands on his thighs or hips, where the muscles sometimes tense as things start to build, or I press my whole body against his, to get an even better idea of how my moves are being received. I check in with plenty of ‘is this good?’s and the occasional specific question like ‘tell me which is better… gentle or firm?’. It’s a far cry from someone’s hands gripping my hair and shoving my throat onto their cock or loud moans telling me what a filthy slut I am, but I’m getting used to these quieter, softer responses. I’ve started to tune in to the subtle shifts in how he tells me he’s having a good time. So when I introduced this subtle guy to a sexual feedback technique for shy people, the fact that he used it – and the way that he used it – made me drench my knickers in an instant.

If you read this blog a lot, you might have noticed a change in the kind of things I write about with Hot Punk Guy, as opposed to previous partners. This is because I’m having different sex to the kind I’m used to. It’s OK to mention this, I think, as it’s OK for you to have noticed. As long as you don’t drop into the comments (or – worse – my inbox!) to moan that you want to read more spanking, or that there’s not as much buttsex as there used to be. One of the nice things about running the audio porn project is that it takes the pressure off me to try and dazzle you with wild sexual escapades – you can read about my guest writers getting used by strangers in a hot tub or fantasising about sharing their lover with their friends if that’s what you’re after. Meanwhile I can focus on the things that are bringing me most joy right now: the small but powerfully intimate details that stand out from each fuck.

In my writing as well as my bedroom, I’ve been enjoying the chance to zoom in. Turn up the sensitivity dial so I can really drink in the delicate but intense sensations that come when you connect just right. And part of that involves hyper-focusing on the subtle ways my dude gives feedback when I’m doing lovely things to his twitching dick.

He’s more of a hand job than a blow job person, but blow jobs are my sexual comfort zone. I’m always reasonably sure that – as long as you can give me feedback and teach me how to suck your particular dick – I should be able to wring a few sexy noises out of you. I like the service aspect of blow jobs when I’m subby, and the power aspect when I’m domming, and in between it’s just fucking lovely to have a dick in my mouth and a man looking down at me, occasionally moaning or twitching to let me know what’s good. So although I’ve been loving the chance to make my boyfriend come with my hands, the other day I got to suck him off, and it felt like a pretty special treat.


As I say, I’ve turned up the sensitivity dial to hone in on subtle feedback. Soft moans, twitching, even eye contact sometimes if I’m feeling bold. And I’m really enjoying the opportunity to feel like an artist again. A… suck job artist? Yeah, let’s go with that.

Although it’s sometimes hot when guys grab my hair and shove me onto their cock (dominance, gagging, choking, spit-drools and the physical evidence of their utter desperation to dump their cum down my throat? Unngh), I confess that sometimes I would get a bit annoyed with guys who fixated so much on a throatfuck that they couldn’t relax into getting blown. Hands behind their head, to the sides, or tied securely to the bedframe… just lying back and letting me get to work.

My current dude lets me get to work. He does it so utterly and completely that I have to occasionally remind him to give me some input – ‘is this good?’ ‘harder or softer?’ ‘faster or slower?’ – you know the drill. And in between these prompts, I’m tuning every single one of my senses into feeling which parts he likes best. Listening out for little gasps or exhales of breath, flicking my eyes up to see the tension in his shoulders and face, running my hands up his thighs and hips to feel for twitches.

Naturally there are twitches in the shaft too, and I’m also focusing on those. Not to mention softly cupping and stroking his balls and noting how tight they get as he becomes more desperate to come. Even taste is employed here too because gorgeously, magnificently, he tends to leak a fair bit of precum when I’m toying with him like this.

There’s music playing on the speaker, and this is vital. When I’m given the chance to really settle in to a blow job, I like there to be tunes. Although I’m never going to perfectly match my actions to the song (can you imagine the horror of a Bohemian Rhapsody BJ?), I do enjoy building pace and intensity as the music swells, then dropping it when the the tempo slows or the song trails off before the next track kicks in. Sucking someone to music tends to make the difference between a blow job I’m giving to try and make someone come, and one I’m giving purely to bring them pleasure – verses that use soft, wet lips then build to a chorus of quicker, firmer sucks with a grip that catches the ridge at the base of the head…

His dick is rock-solid and he’s giving me some lovely twitches. When I build for the seventh or eighth time from softness, I can taste drops of precum on my tongue. But the music tends to make sounds harder to hear, especially when they’re muted. So again, imagine me flicking the perception dial on all my senses up even further – like a microphone tuned to hear whispers from the room next door.

On top of this, I take one of his forearms in my free hand, and get him to grip me softly. Tell him:

“Use this to guide me on pressure – if you need me to be firmer, squeeze my arm.”

I’ve used a similar technique before, though usually I’ll ask someone to grab my hair or push my head to guide me on speed. I sense that my gentle, mostly-submissive hot punk might be less keen to do this via hair grabs than by simply squeezing tightly.

So as I continue, his hand rests ever so gently on my arm.

Turn up the dial again: he likes things soft, mostly, and I want to find where the edge of that softness might be. I try to keep the pressure from lips and tongue and my spare hand as light as I can, to tease him into responding – I need to feel his fingers pressing gently into my skin so I get that delicious feedback that shows me how to do this really well.

Beneath my tongue, his cock pulses. I can feel how taut and hard the head is getting, almost as if his dick is straining to increase the pressure between my lips and his skin. The first few beads of precum are joined by more, and I run the tip of my tongue over the head a few times, delicately licking off every single drop. Then I slide down the head again, taking the whole of it into my mouth and… suddenly he tightens his grip.

Just a touch at first, so I give him a little more pressure, then he grabs me harder, squeezing my forearm with vigour.

In that moment, my cunt gushes.

It floods.

Not only do I get that clench-tight ache in the entrance, like a throb of longing for him to be inside me, I get a rush of wetness too. Immediately soaking through the crotch of my knickers, making me wriggle with need to just slide up his body and sit on it.

Having whacked my perception dial right up to 11, I was so much more sensitive to any hint of response he might give me. A simple ‘yes’ at normal volume would likely have sent me into horny meltdown. But this was so much better even than that! The strength with which he gripped me wasn’t just as hot as a ‘yes’ or a ‘harder’, or even my favourite – ‘please’ – it was the feedback equivalent of him grabbing the mic and yelling ‘FUCK YEAH’ at full volume.

Sexual feedback for shy people

I’m writing this post for two people, really. The first is the person like me, who not only wants feedback but actively gets off on it: if you’re with someone who isn’t very verbal, or vocal, finding new ways for them to tell you what they like can be hot as well as useful. Turn up your sensitivity, by all means: that’s sexy in and of itself, and I’ve been massively enjoying the chance to zoom in on minutiae as I hunt for those hot cues that he’s enjoying how I play with his dick.

But the second person I write this for is the one who’s shy themselves. The person who feels a bit silly saying ‘yes please’ or ‘harder’ or gripping someone’s hand mid-fuck to show they’re close to coming. Your noises aren’t just red pen critique, like a teacher writing notes in the margin of somebody’s work, or a performance you put on because that’s what’s expected of you: they can often be powerful sexual tools in and of themselves.

Use noises, gestures, words, touch and whatever else you have in your arsenal to show someone what you like. Most sex guides will tell you that’s helpful, which is true, but it’s not often acknowledge that this can also be outright physically pleasurable. 

That simple arm squeeze caused a flash flood in my cunt.

When I masturbate to some of my weird, grotty fantasies, the thing that usually makes me come isn’t the sex itself – it’s the evidence the guy who plays a starring role is enjoying what he’s doing. Sometimes that’s ejaculation, but ejaculation is always – ALWAYS – accompanied by something else that can be horny even when you aren’t in the throes of coming. A moan of need, a grunt of satisfaction, a face twisted into one of those fabulous involuntary grimaces that people pull when they truly let go. I think one of the reasons so many of us find cum shots satisfying (or squirting, if that’s your bag) is that they’re direct, involuntary, physical evidence that someone’s feeling pleasure and release.

After I’d milked as much joy as possible from that hand squeeze, I moved up the bed and straddled him. Just before I sat down onto his marble hard cock, I bent down to whisper in his ear:

“I want you to feel the impact of you squeezing me tightly. As I slide down your cock I need you to pay attention… to just… how wet… that made me.”





Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.