In drama at school we used to play a warm-up game that involved cutting a deck of cards to determine each character’s status. We’d be given a scenario, let’s say person A is a teenager who’s broken a vase during a house party while their parents were away, and B and C are the parents returning home. If you just tell people to play what they think those characters should do, the scene will run in a fairly obvious way. Parents discover the accident, interrogate their kid about how the breakage happened, the child is suitably apologetic/nervous of the consequences, etc. However, if you have each person cut the deck of cards and replay the scene, this time assuming status and power depending on which card they got, things look very different. Let’s say the kid gets a Jack or a Queen, Mum gets a 9 and Dad picks a 2. Now the kid has the most power, and might end up berating their parents for owning something so expensive in the first place. Mum is the kid’s semi-obsequious sidekick, agreeing with him while occasionally sniping at Dad for not anticipating that this might happen before he booked their weekend away. Dad grovels before both of them, frantically trying to make amends for an accident that, in his low-status role, he’s entirely reframed as his fault. See what I mean? Status isn’t inherent to each character, it’s determined by the luck of the draw. And status, power and playfulness are all at the heart of my idea for a Blackadder Threesome. Here’s one for all the horny switches.

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No sooner had we recorded some of @JenetalTorture‘s amazing guest blogs as audio porn (check out her first one – a hot first-time estim session – here) than she had racked up a brand new adventure to share as a guest blog. One so far beyond the kink-levels of her previous posts that it gave me a new insight into the meaning of the word ‘degradation.’ As well as degradation, the following post contains humiliation, ABDL (which stands for Adult Baby Diaper Lover) and ageplay. Everyone in this post is a consenting adult well over the age of 18, but this note is here so that if you don’t consent to read about these kinks, you can click away to less pervy pastures. This guest post also features messy diapers, piss, snot and a valuable lesson for people like me who sometimes like to call ourselves kinky: no matter how horny you are, there’s usually someone who still has the capacity to out-kink you. If you don’t know who that is, it’s probably Jenby.

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Here’s a kiss I’d really love to have: the oh-fuck-we’re-about-to-miss-our-tube kiss when we get kicked out of the pub at closing time, having overstayed our welcome because we got stuck into a fun discussion. We know that we both want to fuck but early morning meetings make that impossible tonight, so we give each other the kind of snog that’ll leave the other person hungry for next week’s follow-up liaison. That’s one of the kisses I’m hoping for when you message me on a dating site.

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I missed the Kink of the Week deadline for this, but the topic – inspection – reminded me of a story I don’t think I’ve ever told you. It didn’t have an obviously fucky ending, so it never feel like a good fit, but this is one of the hottest things a man has ever done to me.

I met him in the summer. A mutual friend was hosting a barbecue, and everyone was milling around on the patio at the back of the house, sipping drinks and swapping stories in the sunshine. You could be forgiven for thinking it was a standard suburban get-together… if people hadn’t also been occasionally smacking each other’s arses or revealing the odd flash of tit.

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This fabulous piece about being a ‘leg man’ is written and read by JM Seaborn of WrittenInKink.com. Note that this story contains use of ‘Daddy’ as an honorific – all participants are over 18. 

Give them to me in tights and heels after a long day of work. Then, the moment you open the door, I’ll lift you off the ground, rip your underwear, bite your neck, and fuck you through the wall until you can’t even remember your boss’ name.

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