Is Liquid Silk the best lube on the market, or does it just happen to be popular with guys I’ve fucked? This question has played on my mind for a long time. Far longer than is reasonable, to be honest. When I was single in my twenties, I rarely paid much attention to brands, I’d just use the lube provided by whoever wanted to fuck me up the arse. Eventually, though, I started to notice a pattern. If ‘every single guy I fucked using the same lube’ could constitute a pattern. Is block colour a pattern? Whatever. My ex used Liquid Silk, and I assumed he just really liked it, but after he and I parted ways I went on to fuck some more guys and… yeah… they all used Liquid Silk too! So obviously that’s what I bought, because although I pretend to be feminist deep down I’m obsessed with impressing men. The type of men I most wanted to lick all tended to use it, so I assumed Liquid Silk must be the best lube around. But is it actually? Or have I just jumped on a bandwagon beside other lazy, sexy, wank-loving Londoners? Let’s find out.

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I’m not saying that if you offer me enough kinky guest blogs, eventually I’ll pull favours to get you a sex toy you really want so that you can go to town on it and write a review but… that’s exactly what happened here. And if anyone deserves the chance to go to town on a limited edition, hot pink Doxy Die Cast then it’s Jenby. One of the most prolific, funny, kinky guest bloggers I’ve had the pleasure of working with. I’m so chuffed that the toy she picked is from one of my favourite sponsor companies: Doxy. Even more delighted that it coincided with them launching a brand new, limited edition Doxy Die Cast. To celebrate ten years (TEN YEARS!) of this kickass sex toy brand, they’re launching an initiative to support breast cancer awareness in the UK, and donating a portion of the profits from every special wand that is sold. These incredibly beautiful Doxy wands are sold in gorgeous, fuckproud hot pink to immediately draw the eye of anyone lucky enough to be invited into your bedroom. Given Jenby’s penchant for bimbofication, it just felt like fate…

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Sometimes, after we’ve fucked and I’ve come good and hard round his cock, he pulls out and lies back on the bed, holding me tight around the shoulder or waist with one arm, and stroking himself with the other. I like to watch him come. And while he’s pushing himself to come, if I can tear my eyes away from the sight of his beautiful hand gripped skilfully round the head of his fuck-wet dick, I put my lips right up against his. Almost – but not quite – kissing. Feeling his body tense and shake, inhaling as he breathes into my mouth.

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When I was young I used to get really pissed off at family events when older relatives would coo “ooh, haven’t you GROWN!”. Yes, Auntie Karen, of COURSE I’ve grown. I was a toddler last time you saw me and now I can read and write and reach the kitchen knives! But now that I’m an adult myself, I understand why grown-ups used to say this. Occasionally someone (or something) will drift out of your life, then return years later in a form so entirely different you simply have to remark upon it. Exclaim: “wow! What the fuck?! How have you changed so much when I am essentially still the same person?!” Let’s talk about the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen.

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My first long-term relationship lasted 8 years, give or take – we had a fair few yo-yo break-ups towards the end. My most recent long-term relationship managed 9 years in total. But if measured by length of time, the longest sexual relationship I’ve ever had is not with a man, but a sex toy – my favourite ever wand.

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