Tag Archives: relationships
Getting over a break-up: happiness as performance
I don’t know if any of you have noticed, but I’ve been trying extremely hard not to write anything about my ex-boyfriend lately. Although I wrote a post about endings which I shared with people on Patreon, I didn’t publish that here in public and there’s been only one thing on the break-up diaries tag since the summer. Please dispense medals and cookies accordingly! Then immediately snatch those medals and cookies back, because inevitably I’m about to have some Big Feelings about him in this post! I’m allowing myself a quick burst of emotion for reasons that I won’t fully explain, but which I will try to justify with excuses that sound poetic but are only half the story. Getting over a break-up involves a lot of waffling and emotional incontinence! Strap in!
Tell me more: 3 words to instantly level-up your sex comms
Recently I wrote the easiest guide to dirty talk in the English-speaking world. I am a fan of trying to simplify sex things to get more people on board with doing them, and I am quite proud of that guide – I reckon people who’ve never talked dirty before might find it useful. I thought I’d have a go at doing something similar for sex comms more generally. And this one’s even simpler: all you need is three words. One phrase. Learn it, and get instantly better at sexual communication. Ready? Brace yourself…
It’s all cider and fuckparties from here
When I tweet out blog posts I wrote this time last year, I am often struck by the howling sadness that I was pouring out onto these pages at the time. I figured a more balanced view from the future might be helpful, perhaps in the form of a letter to my past self. So one night I got drunk and wrote exactly that. Edited sober, because I’m professional: here’s a message from my future to my past.
It’s worth noting, Ms GOTN-from-one-year-ago, that you might be sad right now, but it’s not like you’re doomed to misery. It’s important that you understand your life is not over. In fact, come closer, I’ll give you a glimpse of what your future holds. Listen very carefully and quit weeping, mate: it’s all cider and fuckparties from here.
Inside you there are two wolves, and one wolf is slutty
Inside you there are two wolves. One of the wolves is slutty-as-hell. She wants to get fucked and fucked up: suck dicks, swallow cum, be brutally whipped and beaten by a parade of eager partners. Have someone hold her nose while she chokes on cock, and have someone else slide butt plugs into her ass to make her cunt tighter while she’s pounded. The other wolf wants to be loved.
Why you should let me borrow your boyfriend
Firstly, welcome! Thank you so much for coming. Please help yourself to coffee and cake – I made three different kinds of cake because I’d like to make sure there’s something you enjoy. I admire and respect and very desperately want to impress you. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your time today, and I’ll try not to waste a single second of it, so let’s get stuck in. I’ve prepared a brief presentation on why you should let me borrow your boyfriend.