Look look! I’ve found it! After years of sifting through terrible dating ‘systems’ and advice that amounts to ‘treat women like they’re vending machines‘, I think I’ve found the worst online dating strategy of all time. One that misses almost every conceivable mark. Are you ready? Here it is…
I used to yo-yo break up with my ex-ex. Number eight. The guy I met at university and loved for many years (whose dark dark eyes and devious filth you can read about in my first book if you’re interested). We had our problems, but we also had our passion. Long, tortured silences in the middle of arguments that would stretch on for what felt like hours, while each of us rummaged in our equally-wordy minds for the perfect phrase that would lift the blanket of sadness. But words can’t always do the work: sometimes, most times, the physical yearning would beat our mouths to the punch, and one of us would reach out to touch the other. That touch would set us both on fire, then we’d fuck like the fucking would fix it.
To the one night stands. To the fucks who didn’t love me, or ever need me to love them: a heartfelt thank you. You were not mistakes, but memories.
People often get in touch with me to ask me to promote their books on this blog, and what I always tell them is that a sexy story will do far better at drawing people in than a simple outline of what the book will cover. Luka and Leja, sex bloggers who run Spices of Lust, have taken me very much at my word! You’ll have met them already if you’re a long time reader – they wrote a fab post about what collars mean to them in a D/s context, and now they’re here to launch their new ebook – the eBook of Kinky Sex Ideas. As I say, they absolutely ran with the ‘write a hot story’ brief, so here’s a steamy tale about the kind of sex they have, to give you a flavour of what’s in the book – it contains a selection of kinky sex ideas based off their own fun and experimentation, along with 186 illustrations, a few of which they’ve kindly included here. If you’d like to buy it you can use the code on their website for $5 off.
“I still read the blog sometimes,” my ex told me, then added in a quieter voice “you’ve been so kind.” I’m taken aback. I can’t quite work out what to say except ‘of course’, and then ‘you should probably stop reading soon.’ In that moment I think the greatest kindness I can do is warn him not to read tomorrow. I have no idea if this is appropriate, and later I’ll wonder if that was actually the worst thing I could do – like telling someone not to open a box, torturing their curiosity and making it inevitable that they’ll crack and look inside. This stuff is hard after a break-up. I have no idea what’s right. I have no idea what to say or where my words are or why my mouth is glue and sawdust. I still love him.