An imaginary conversation with an imaginary guy who does not yet know about the sex blog. File this, along with so much else, under ‘why I’m not on dating sites right now.’

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God, sorry everyone. I hate doing admin/please-give-me-your-money posts, but frankly I have new cool shit to send out to Patreons, and I’ve just turned on annual subscriptions, so it feels like as good a time as any to tell you why supporting the audio porn project on Patreon is totally worth it.

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“I know I’m a man, but this story is written from a woman’s perspective, and I’d like you to publish it as my alter-ago Candy Sexpot please!” – I receive a fair few guest post pitches along these lines. These stories are usually written from a cis woman’s perspective, but composed entirely in the headspace of a straight man. I don’t publish these posts, and in case you’re thinking of pitching me one, here’s why.

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Do you have a website where you post erotic stories? Would you like to turn some of those stories into audio porn? I’d love to hear from you! Erotic writers, sex bloggers, anyone who writes smut on their own website. I’ll pay a license fee to adapt your work into audio porn, and give you a widget to embed those stories on your own website, which makes your erotica more accessible to people who use screenreaders and also gives your site some extra sexy content. Interested? Read on…

This post originally went up during last round of commissioning, but I’m republishing September 2021 ready for the next round – some details have slightly changed so please do read carefully before submitting! 

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Hey there! Thanks so much for getting in touch off the back of one of my tweets. It’s flattering that you want to tell me your opinions/feelings/experiences when it comes to sex. I’m not gonna shame you for what you’re confessing, but please note: this isn’t actually a confessional.

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