This week’s fabulously sexy guest blog is an extract from Kirstyn Smith’s novella, The Twelve Lays of Christmas. I absolutely adore the idea behind this playful book – from the blurb:

“Ivy is stuck in a rut. She hasn’t hooked up with anyone since her last terrible relationship ended more than a year ago. That is, until her bff Aoife comes up with a challenge. The Twelve Lays of Christmas: hook up with twelve different people before Christmas Day.”

YES. As someone who is keen to give myself challenges and side quests, I was immediately hooked by the pitch, and then completely enamoured of the extract she sent for me to share with you – it’s sexy, thoughtful, playful and all the things I fucking love about great sex writing. For context, this extract features the eighth person Ivy has hooked up with since the start of the challenge, and we join the story shortly after an encounter with someone who had a fetish for popping balloons. This next guy? Well… he’s into slime. Like, really into it. What I love about this story is not just how fucking joyful it is – reminding any Channel 4 documentary makers out there that you can explore unusual kinks in a non-shaming way – but also the fact that the author, Kirstyn Smith, tells me it’s based on a true story. Enjoy!
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It’s fun to have stuff in common. And when it comes to sex, it’s hot to discover that your own kinks match or dovetail with those of the person you’re fucking. But alongside the ones I personally have – D/s, cum, impact play, dirty talk, weed/breath play, loads more – there’s a second category of kinks: those I don’t personally wear on my sleeve, but find wildly attractive on somebody else. Nothing in nature is a binary – it’s not a matter of ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to any given kink. In between there’s a whole gamut of ‘maybes’ and a few shining examples of ‘OhMyGodYesPlease’s too. It’s the latter I’m thinking of today. Kinks I don’t personally masturbate to when I’m alone, but which will probably get me thinking and wanking if I can centre my mind on your desire to do them. I got bored and horny the other day so I made a list of kinks which make my eyes and my cunt grow wide with delight if someone I’m fucking tells me they get off on them. Here’s my take on the sexiest kinks.

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This week’s guest blogger pitched me their piece as ‘first time sploshing’ and it is definitely that: delicious birthday cake served in a truly sexy way. There’s another word for what happens in this piece too, though, which I wanted to introduce you to in case you, like me, enjoy learning incredibly specific terms for super-hot kinky acts: nyotaimori. It’s a Japanese word meaning ‘to serve food off a person’ and it was featured on Kink of the Week last year. I love the concept of it, and adore it even more if the food being served is cake. This week’s guest blogger combines first time sploshing, nyotaimori and group sex in this creatively sexy post about getting your birthday fantasy fulfilled…

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Sexual compatibility isn’t always about liking the same things. It’s nice to discover that your whims and lusts match up sometimes, when you both fancy exactly the same kind of shag. But to me, being sexually compatible is less about always wanting the same thing and more about being intrigued by the other person’s kinks and quirks.

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On Friday I went to Venus Berlin. On Sunday I bought two large McDonalds milkshakes, left them in the kitchen until they’d thoroughly melted, then clambered into the bath and poured them all over my tits. These two things are not unconnected.

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