When I was young – maybe ten or eleven – one of my Mum’s friends gave her an entire display box of Mars bars to say thanks for a favour she’d done. Incredible, right? In case you aren’t familiar with them, Mars bars are tasty sticks of nougat with a layer of chewy caramel on top, enrobed in delicious milk chocolate. And thanks to my Mum’s friend, our family now owned an entire box of them! What?!

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I’m a big fan of penetrative sex: it’s not the only way to fuck, but it is my favourite. I understand that some people don’t want their partner to ejaculate too quickly during penetration – they want their ‘turn’ to come before any jizzing occurs. The notion of the ‘two-pump chump‘, while shamey and horrible-sounding, does nevertheless express something that’s important for some people, and I don’t want to imply that their desires here are invalid. Nor do I want to invalidate your desires if you find yourself coming really quickly during sex and desperately wishing you could last a little longer. If you’re shagging me, though? Please don’t ever worry about ‘premature ejaculation’ on my account. Two pumps is fine. Even just one, to be honest. One of the hottest things you can ever do is spunk uncontrollably into my cunt.

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Whenever I ask a new person to teach me how to suck their dick, Jez from Peep Show’s voice pops up to tell me “That’s cheating! Anyone can please [someone] in bed if [they] tell you what to do! You’re not allowed to ASK, that’s the whole point!” It’s ridiculous, of course, because you absolutely are allowed to ask. In fact, sometimes asking is the only way you’ll find out exactly how this particular person likes their dick to be sucked.

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Welcome, readers, to the next guest post in a series I like to call ‘GOTN abuses her guest blog budget by using it to commission loads of pieces about what it feels like to jizz, so she can live vicariously through the kind people who are willing to share their experience.’ Recently Jocket dropped by to share some super-hot tales of trying to increase semen volume. This week we have an anonymous commenter who was kind enough to respond to my shoutout for cum-based posts with some astonishingly detailed descriptions of what it feels like to ejaculate. I’m incredibly grateful, not just for the hot stuff, but for the intensely personal look into someone’s solo sex life…

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This shameless medieval cock-fest is written and read by Ariadne Awakes. Note: this story is a fantasy that contains kidnapping and implied non-consent.

“Suck.” The countless times she’d been issued this command and it still sent glorious shivers straight to her constantly aching cunt. It was the time of year the court had nicknamed ‘The Grand Suck’, where the King’s most worthy subjects had the privilege of watching their wives, daughters and sometimes mothers kneel before him and show obedience to the sceptre with which he ruled. His cock.

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