Tag Archives: wanking

Pulse Solo Essential: an achingly good way to come

This job isn’t all wanking and audio porn – sometimes it involves a lot of boring admin. But one of the nice things about it is that even on the dullest of days, when I’m buried in spreadsheets and invoices, I can receive two incredible messages barely an hour apart from men telling me how fun it is to watch their jizz bounce on the vibrating pad of a sex toy. One was via DM from the lovely CJBrook_, who (correctly) surmised I might be interested in ‘what effect the inside vibrating pad has on a load of spunk’, and the other came in this glorious review. If you’re curious about dick vibrations, and specifically the unique, thrumming intensity of the Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo Essential (keyword for Google – did you spot it?), then I hope you enjoy this delightfully fun account of my anonymous guest blogger’s first ever Pulse wank.

(more…)

How to wank with a Doxy (or other wand toy)

This post has been writing itself in my head for approximately six years – ever since I got my hands on my first ever Doxy. Back then it was called a ‘Doxy Massager’ and the packaging it came in was delightfully coy, as if this toy would be used to massage anything other than one’s sexy bits. Since then it has become a bit of a sex toy sensation, and is thankfully now sold under the slogan ‘Let’s get it on’ so there is no doubt about the fact that this toy fucks. To celebrate the launch of their latest model – the first ever cordless Doxy 3 rechargeable (which is brilliant), I thought I’d finally finish the guide I’ve been writing in my head ever since I got my hands on the first one. Here’s a bunch of different ways you can wank with a Doxy.

(more…)

Three reasons you should buy a Zumio

I’ve written about the Zumio before, and it’s rare that I cover a sex toy more than once (unless it’s a sex machine or is made by Doxy or is something I’ve lovingly customised like the Fleshlight Launch… oh OK I guess I do cover lots of sex toys more than once) but this is one of the best sex toys I have ever owned, and it just came down in price – from $140 to $98, and I have three stories about the lengths I will go to if I am deprived of Zumio action which I’ve been itching to publish for a while. It’s a fun, fuckable, now slightly-more-affordable sex toy, and I am powerfully in lust with it, so let’s get stuck in: three reasons why you should buy a Zumio.

(more…)

Guest blog: Sex Toy Story starring the magic wand

Today’s guest blogger is Carolyn Busa – a writer/comedian who grabbed my attention with her previous incredible piece ‘I want to be fucked like latte art.’ Go check it out, because it’s fabulous, and then pop back here to read today’s funny Sex Toy Story, written from the perspective of a magic wand. I’m especially delighted to bring you wank-focused stories because it’s Masturbation Month at the moment. So read this excellent guest blog,¬†follow Carolyn on Twitter or Instagram, and if you’re Pixar, please don’t sue.

(more…)

CSI: Wank – reconstructing his cum shot

The other night, I missed the moment he came. It wasn’t the end of the world, naturally – I miss plenty of his orgasms, because most of them happen when he’s alone. The spaff goes unobserved, as he beats it into a tissue or one of the wank rags I bought for ecological reasons (and also pervy reasons – we’ll get to this in a second). But on this particular occasion, I was a bit sad about missing his cum shot. So he invented a new game for me to play: CSI: Wank.

(more…)