It’s really fucking shit, let’s start with that. Lockdown continues/escalates across the UK, to varying degrees of clusterfuck depending on where you are. One thing is certain: at some point you’ll be trapped at home, bored and miserable and longing for the Before Times. To try and ease the misery, and plug the awesome companies who support my site, here’s a quick rundown of some sexy things to keep you entertained through the oncoming horror show.
Weirdly, when I first experienced the indescribably brilliant, fuck-me-to-the-brink-of-death-and-beyond power of the Doxy, it didn’t occur to me to ask for something that would pump that power into my cunt. I was happy enough just fucking my Doxy as it was – using the throbbing rumble of the mighty original Doxy on my clit. Latterly I’ve been content to let those powerful waves travel through the flesh of my pubic mound, into the internal walls of my vagina, where they meet up with the Godemiche ambit dildo like two dudes meeting me on the Piccadilly line and then DP-fucking me in the lift at Covent Garden. What a complete twat I feel now, having experienced the power of Doxy inside my cunt, to never have thought to ask for it before.
My cunt is sore, so fucking sore. I got fucked so hard that when I came home I shuddered each time I thought about it, although whether the shudders were caused by lustful memories or something else is a story for another fucking day. All you need to know for now is that my cunt was sore. And therefore perfectly placed to try out a new sex toy: a slim, soft, gentle dildo – the Avant D14 Heart of Gold – sold by Stuffgoodies, and perfectly designed to soothe my fucksore vagina while I reminisced about the excellent sex I had when I should almost certainly have been doing something else. Let’s do this.
One of the coolest things about turning my posts into audio porn is that along the way I have discovered so many incredible erotic audio creators in other places – most notably on Reddit. Recently rmp792 dropped by to share a fabulous guest blog (including audio) about begging and consent, and today erotic audio creator Lex is here to tell you how she got into it. Have you ever fancied becoming an erotic audio creator yourself? Are you curious about the ins and outs of this sexy, sharing, voice-loving community? You will love today’s guest post. When you’ve read it, don’t forget to follow Lex @alt_audios and check out some of her work over on reddit!
What I’m looking for in a vibrator depends very much on my current state of mind. Sometimes I’m after a vigorously efficient orgasm that rockets into my life and makes me feel like I’ve been run over by a sexy freight train – during those times I’d reach for my Doxy. If what I’m looking for instead is a precision wank, where all the pleasure is directed to exactly the right spot on my clit, concentrated and magnified like a shaft of sunlight that eventually bursts into flame: Zumio. If I need something guaranteed to make me come nice and hard around a dick I’m fucking, the vibe I’ll slip into my lover’s hand then press tightly against my clit is the Hot Octopuss Amo. Unfortunately for the great people at We-Vibe, when they sent me the brand new Nova 2, what I was looking for in a vibrator was something that could help me forget that I just broke up with the man I love, in the middle of a pandemic, financially fucking myself over and effectively ripping out my own heart. It had – to put it mildly – one hell of a job to do.